I've been the family caregiver my whole life. Told to take care of younger siblings. Then my parents divorced, and I tried to provide financial and emotional support to both parents. Then my mom got cancer and I took her to all her appointments. Then my grandmother needed help, too. Then my father had a stroke, and I also managed all his care and his home. It's been almost 6 years since he passed, and I still feel angry and resentful with my siblings.
My sisters don't show me any respect, care, or consideration. Made to feel like the family scapegoat. I tried so hard to be selfless and it has meant nothing.
Is it hopeless? Should I live with this estrangement and indifference?
I wish you peace and much love moving forward. Seek out professional help if you need to but be well and don’t let them win! You are the winner here!
Most people would be upset at being invited to the ceremony only and not the reception.
I hear you. I’m caregiver to my dad who’s 86. I had no choice when it came to looking after him in our home(my husband and my home) my brother doesn’t want me to accept money from my dad to pay for his board and lodging. It’s got to the stage when I see his name came up on my phone. He is Dads POA.
I cringe and think what now? My brother, it’s never to see how I’m going, it’s usually if he wants something, My sister who I’m pretty close to, genuinely loves me, well she’s got two kids in high school, so I don’t expect her to be able to help too much but her phone calls are a blessing and pleasure for me. When I first stepped up to be caregiver, my brother was initially worried for me about looking after him because I’d been pretty much under his thumb before I got married and was out of his house. My dad, prior to getting dementia, was a domineering control freak. With dementia, he’s still pretty difficult and a compulsive whinger. It’s not an easy job.
But I think you need to make time for you now. Enjoy your life and involve yourself in things that you love and enjoy. Do you have any creative skills or hobbies? Focus any energy on these things and away from selfish siblings who don’t deserve your precious time. I am currently studying a different language and when I’m stressed out, I also play the piano.
Look it’s not hopeless. One day these siblings may need someone to care for them, just make damn sure that’s it’s not you.
Good luck and God Bless.
You've been married for 5 years, and your father has been living with you for almost 2 years. You wrote that your H only tolerates your father. What's going to happen as your father further deteriorates? Your H might not stick around.
As far as your sister, why does her having 2 high schoolers mean she can't do anything? Why don't you give reasons that YOU can't do anything for your father?
You wrote that you hope it ends soon. Your situation could end soon if you would do something about it. Why don't you?
“But payback will come. Rest assure that payback will come.”
Music to my ears.
Sincerely yours,
Hello Karma
Your anger and resentment is hurting you, not them. Life is short....start living yours!
Thats it. They won't ever feel the way you do. Wasted energy trying to get the words you long for from them. They will never thank you or pat you on the back. Never. So get on with your life. They are getting on with theirs. And don't call them. Let them call you, if indeed they will. And if they don't, well, you know. So, carry on. Stay strong. Live well.
You can send yourself a beautiful thank you card for giving care to your Dad.
Get elaborate, set it on your mantle, sign it anonymous?
Dad would have wanted you to be thanked!
Next time you are standing in the bathroom facing the mirror.
Turn around, give yourself a thank you hug, look over your shoulder to see yourself getting that hug!
Buy yourself some flowers, once a month until you feel more appreciated.
Did you get a bigger percentage of the inheritances because of your selflessness? Did you get anything material from the deaths that was coveted by others? If so, then yes, you are going to have to live with the estrangement and indifference unless you are willing to give up whatever it is that they are asking for, however, there are no guarantees.
However, I don't know the full story. I don't know the personalities of the people involved. I am not a professional therapist.
My suggestion to be to go to a therapist and have them help you navigate these waters. 6 years is a long time. Its time to decide what to keep, what to let go and carve a future that you can be proud of.