She has a whole arsenal of zingers and emotional triggers to use. Keep telling myself not much longer now, but also keep wondering if I will make it to see her living somewhere else. I know I keep posting pretty much the same thing on here, but I have not one person who knows what this is really like. My counselor is ok, but I need more help. I've started withdrawing from life and that's not me. Unable to work, so I'm going to try to get disability benefits but I think I could actually bounce back if she wasn't here. She can't use me anymore and I need to also stand on my own feet as well. I'm 59 for heaven's sake. But it feels like I'm trying to stand back up with her on my back-the mental weight. Anyway, she has gone back to her ways of accusing me of whispering behind her back with a neighbor who visits us. This neighbor is nice to me and Mom gets so jealous. She does this thing called triangulation. Only I think I'm the only one who sees it.
ive just read this entire thread and it just breaks my heart to the core.
its mind boggling to me that there are so many like this.....its up to us, our generation, to stop the abuse and insanity.
Read the book, Act Natural, Jennifer Traig. It’s fascinating. It is a historical account of parenting. Not new behavior and in the past it was really bad.
The ‘good old days’ weren’t all that good.
When I gave my Mom a date to vacate-she has gone into a frenzy. Paying someone to do the cleanup work at the 'house' and has been going back and forth over there since last week. I finally decided to throw in the towel with how she is handling that. For the past 2 days she has screwed up her medicine schedule and tonight accused me of trying to make her double her doses and make her sick. Not.
I had one whole day of her being away and it felt good. As soon as she showed back up today-sh*t started all over again. I am sure she is telling everyone I am kicking her out.
This could go a lot smoother I imagine. Coulda woulda shoulda.
I wish I had all the answers that you seek. Has to be so frustrating for you. The best I can tell you is to do what you feel is best. You matter just as much. Moms can’t take over. It destroys us.
Look I did this for over 14 years in my home. It nearly killed me. It put a strain on my marriage and my husband is a very ‘chill’ kind of guy.
For me, it didn’t end well. Mom had to go and it wasn’t peacefully like I truly wanted.
My mom likes to stir the pot. She spoke to my brothers behind my back, spreading lies very convincingly too! The sh** hit the fan over here too! I gave up.
I like peace and harmony but I must admit I lost it. Everyone has a limit. I hit mine. In all honesty, I let it get out of hand and she should have been out of my house long before I asked her to leave with my ‘know it all’ brother!
I kept wanting to control and have things somewhat orderly and civilized. My mom kept blaming me for everything.
Know what kind of advice I got from the forum? Wise advice I might add by smart people, smarter than me because I became so flustered I couldn’t see straight! They told me to LET GO! I had to. These things are beyond our control. We will never get our moms to listen to reason. So, I am going to give you the same advice to let go. I can’t tell you how to deal with your mom. I didn’t even know how to deal with my mom. When I did start setting boundaries the damage had already been done. Know what I mean?
Anyway, we don’t have the power to change anyone, least of all our moms. You know this. Deep down I did too. I wanted to hold on to my hope. Without hope we have nothing but sometimes we have to start with nothing and rebuild. Simply start over. It’s hard. Transitioning times are always hard.
I wish you the very best. Please look out for yourself. Hugs! Your mom will be okay.
You are a good friend! I do hope she will hear what you are saying and implement it in her life.
She must have been raised to be a ‘pleaser’ like I was. It takes awhile to undo that type of brainwashing. Of course her parents won’t be pleased with her decisions. They will only be pleased if they get their way. Here’s the thing though, how many times has she compromised for them? It’s time for them to compromise. I’m sure you are telling your friend these things. Like I said, you are a good friend not to give up on her. Hugs!
I truly appreciate everyone who did not give up on me.
The ones that matter will see it for what it is and the others, well they don't matter.
I told several people that believed my dads bs that they can have him, lock, stock and barrel, because he doesn't need a piece of crap like me helping him, so please take him since you can do so much better. That shuts them up and not one of them helped in anyway, only repeat his crappy lies.
Hold fast to taking your life back, keep those boundaries and never let her move back in.