My mom went out of town about 6 weeks ago, and while she was out of town she got a DUI. Nobody got hurt, she only drove a couple blocks, but she hit a car she didn't see (minor damage), and when she didn't stop the other driver called the cops. This resulted in a DUI. She also refused the mandatory blood test, so her license is to be suspended in two weeks because of that for a minimum of a year.
Some of you may recall the ongoing nightmare I have been through with my mom and her driving. I was literally left with no choice but to wait for a crisis. Well, here we are.
My mom is coming back home Friday. As of now, she hasn't given me permission to talk to her lawyer, but she did give my brother permission, and my brother informed the lawyer that she has dementia.
It's too early to know what kind of penalty she will receive. She is fully aware that in two weeks she will no longer have a license, and she told me she will comply (she has no choice as this will be a criminal suspension).
Anyone else ever deal with something like this?
Secondly, can you or your brother remove the battery, for example, so that the car will not start? My brother-in-law did this to his mom's car. Or, if not the battery, disable something so that it will not start.
I thought you, or someone else, said this was her second DUI? If so, it will show up on her record and the court will not go so easily on her.
Who is prosecuting this case? If it's the DA's office, contact them and talk to them privately. Ask them not to use your name. If they can't do this, then send an anonymous note to or leave a voice mail message for the named prosecuting attorney handling this case, advising them of her dementia and that this is her second DUI.
Report this to her auto insurance carrier.
Perfect. Others here will benefit greatly from reading your words / experience.
* Get MD documentation of her mental state [or does you have this already?]
* Write / discuss with DMV.
* Take car keys away; if necessary, find out how you can get rid of her car.
* My (past) client called the police on her son because he took her keys away or something. Her son had to call police and tell them that his mother has dementia and that she drives w/o a license. (Her car engine was taken apart and eventually / soon, the car was sold). His mother was more than livid.
* Other peoples lives at are risk here. While I don't know details, waiting until there was an accident is not being responsible.
* Many people deal with dementia inflicted drivers - either their own family or on the other end (other drivers or people walking in the streets). Not having a license is no guarantee a person won't drive.
* Research TEEPA SNOW. She is one of th country's experts on dementia and has several webinars about [how to deal with] people with dementia and driving. As she says, there are many people out there driving with dementia. Makes one wonder.
* My friend, now 87, got his license suspended almost two years ago. He has an upcoming driving test (written) and may or may not take a driving test. While I doubt he will pass either test, if he does, I will see what I can do to insure he is not allowed to legally drive. As Teepa says, make someone else 'the bad guy' - don't put yourself in that position with your mom. Although I would change her keys or do something so she cannot drive until something more permanent is in place.
* Even if you are seen as the 'bad guy', you could be saving someone's life.
* Your post actually got me to thinking about my friend - and my responsibility in his situation - driving with others on the road. He drives too slow, not too fast. Still. Unsafe driving is unsafe driving. Thank you.
I don’t know the answer. I know that you have tried everything humanly possible to get your mom on track.
I wish that you could get off this crazy emotional roller coaster ride that you have been on.
Sending hugs and prayers your way.
Im glad someone is talking to the lawyer. I would have even if she had said no one is allowed. Id find out if the family can be held responsible for not taking the keys sooner, just to be sure.
Gold luck. If that car is around, that will be a temptation again. She might forget she's not allowed to drive, and try it again. Id make sure she cant! It is more important than hurting her feelings, lives are at stake!!