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My sister seems to have beginning of dementia. I have to keep up with all her appointments and even walk her through giving her dog medicine and do almost everything for her. But she texts me all day really long text with perfect grammar and spelling to ask me to do something for her or to just complain about everything.

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My mom with dementia still uses her iPad to message. Her thought process by writing may seen deceiving to someone who doesn’t know her condition. Although sentence construction and grammar may be correct her thought process is sometimes off.

My mom is a former teacher. I received written message earlier this week her caretaker wouldn’t allow her family to pick her up. The family she was talking about was brothers and sisters two of whom are deceased. She was looking at an old picture.

If your sister does have dementia keep in mind it’s a progressive disease and manifests differently in people.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
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Bellini - WHO is this person your sister lives with who has been giving her non-prescribed medications and wouldn't co-operate in getting her to a neurologist or psychiatrist?

And, besides, if she lives with another person why is she constantly calling you for assistance?

I'd never say that concerns about dementia are the least of anyone's worries, but it certainly does sound as if your sister has more immediate problems, no?
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
Thank you for responding. Yes, she does have more immediate problems. But, I can't do anything about that. She lives with someone that doesn't care anything about her. She pays rent is the only reason he allows her to stay. He "says" he loves her. But, his actions don't show it. He does do things to help her , but also doesn't really put much effort into helping her. And also does things that harm her. He is an addict same as she is. But, her health does not give her the "luxury" of that anymore. He drinks alcohol and takes pills and trays to hide it from her, but she gets mad and wants him to give her some as well. I am in no position to help her because I live with my daughter and sleep on a sofa. I am disabled myself. There is no one else to help her. So, I am trying to get her to go to Dr. appointments and take her meds. And trying to get her approved for medicaid so she can move out and live at an assisted living facility or something. I am out of answers. She gets an attitude with me if I pressure her to take care of herself. I really don't know what to do. Your thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you for your honesty.
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I would say yes. My mom worked for the phone company for 40 years and the phone was her go to for everything. She could remember my number, call every 10 minutes even when she had home care right there looking at her, unplug the internet, and shut down the air conditioning from the back yard, but not know how to find her breakfast unless I sat her down and put it right in front of her. She couldn't feed the dog, or rather she fed the dog every 10 minutes. So most tasks had to be taken away from her. As suggested, get your sister to a neurologist, but don't tell her when and where she's going, so she can't cancel. The results will tell you how to proceed.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
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I am very curious about this topic. What kind of mental health background does your sister have? And, what is she able and not able to do on her own? Have you spent a couple of days inside her home so you can see how she's really doing? Is she paying bills, doing laundry, shopping, preparing meals, showering, etc? Could you chat with her neighbors or friends to get their input? I think that in the EARLY stages, she may be able to write pretty well. It is a progression. Sometimes, it's the executory abilities that are affected first and her writing ability has not yet been damaged.

One reason that I am intrigued by this type of thing is that I have only witnessed it on line. (NOT on this site,) This is for people who claim to have had Alzheimers resulting in dementia for many years. These are regarding people who claim they have ADVANCED dementia to the point that they cannot live alone. They are disabled due to dementia, according to them, and they are totally dependent on others for care, HOWEVER, they are able to write long descriptions of their day, their week, their month, with details about what people said, what they did, what the doctors said, what they ate, what their dog did, etc. They use perfect grammar and punctuation. They even report that much of the family alleges that they DO NOT have dementia. So, I don't understand how a person with advanced dementia has full recall of their life's events and can convey in writing so perfectly events from years ago and events from the previous day or week. I've NEVER seen even one person in real life who has dementia be able to write much more than their name, once they have advanced to a stage where they cannot attend to their own needs. So, I'm baffled. Why would someone claim to have dementia if they don't? Boggles the mind. If anyone finds out anything would you post it or PM me? I'd like to understand it more.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
Thank you for responding. She doesn't have a background as far as mental health. She will never follow through on going to appointments. She is a "recovered" drug addict. But, still only wants to go to the Dr. if she thinks she will get drugs. She has ALWAYS had me do everything for her. She keeps asking me to please help her, but will not do anything I suggest. Her text don't really have anything in them that requires thinking or memory. They are just the same thing over and over about her roommate and the way he treats her and about her dog that she is totally attached to. Most of the time she doesn't even read my text in response to hers. She just wants me to trust everything she tells me and not ask questions and agree with her. She has always been that way, to an extent. I have caught her in a lot of lies, so I can't believe anything she says. Her only son passed away 4 years ago from a heroin overdose. He was only 30 years old. She is very miserable. And probably only wants to stay alive to take care of her dog. Mary never misses or cancels her dogs vet appts. She is able to call and schedule them by herself. She is able to call and cancel her own Dr. appointments. But she is not able to make any of her own phone calls. She really isn't capable of taking care of her dog, anymore. The dog has some medical problems and Mary can't keep track of her meds now. I love her dearly. Because of her past behavior the rest of the family doesn't want to be bothered with her. I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you
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Bellini, I hope this won't sound sarcastic because I'm perfectly serious - make the appointment with the neurologist and for heaven's sake don't tell her about it! And if I were you I wouldn't, either, make it a date with her for the fake reason too far in advance, either.

Any history of mental illness or psychological difficulties in your sister's background?
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
Thank you for that suggestion. But, the problem is I don't drive and the person she lives with would have to take her. Which I would also go with them. But, he wouldn't do it without telling her what s going on. She has never followed through on going to a psychiatrist long enough to get a diagnosis. She was on Xanax for over 20 years. I had to call dr. and threatened to turn him in if he didn't stop giving her a variety of pills and narcotics. She was passing out all the time and falling and busting her head open. Any suggestions would help. Thank you
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I have been told that a person with certain types of dementia disorders and read and write prefectly but cannot speak or use the correct words when talking. It comes from the little area of the brain used in speech which is located on a different street, so to speak, from the writing section.
Luz had this problem of saying one thing and meaning another. We did work it out.
But get her checked out completely.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
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Well, the tasks you're describing

planning
measuring
co-ordinating
texting

are all very different from one another, plus they all take place in different contexts and have different levels of importance attached to them. It's not at all impossible that your sister can sit and focus on a screen and - with the automatic prompts and no interruptions - process words, but go completely to pieces when she needs to measure 5mls of medicine and mix it into Mo' Better Bones or whatever it's called.

But I agree with others that you need more than suspicions on your side and moments of panic or absence on hers to diagnose dementia. Has there been any medical opinion about it?
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
Thank you. So, far only emergency room drs. And primary care dr. have seen her. They said it appears to be dementia of some type. I keep making her appointments with psychiatrist and neurologist. She isn't able to make the appointments herself. But, she is able to call and cancel the appointments. LOL. Which is very upsetting because the appointments are hard to get. Now, I can't get her another appointment until November. And she knows this.
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Yes to what Ahmijoy posted, but maybe have her get checked for a UTI...it can mimic the symptoms of dementia where there is no dementia, or worsen dementia symptoms when you do have it. It can be addressed with antibiotics and the abnormal mental symptoms go away.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
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What has happened that makes you think your sister has dementia? Sometimes, people tend to think that when a person gets older and becomes forgetful or needs some help, it’s dementia. I’m at that point and I don’t have dementia. At least I don’t think I do. 😁. How old is your sister?

If you’ve been helping her out for a long while, she may have become accustomed to having you do everything for her. Same for the texting. You’re there and you have become her “go-to”. If you respond to her complaining texts, she just continues. Does she have anything else in her life? Attending a Senior Center? A book club? A crafting group? A “Ladies Who Lunch” group? Something to occupy her mind and give her another outlet for her thoughts. If she lives alone and doesn’t have much to do, texting is her outlet. You can choose not to respond, too.

If you think she may have dementia, the only one who can tell for sure is a doctor, with an evaluation. This may be a good thing for her because it would allow you to plan for her future.
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anonymous944475 Aug 2019
Hi, thank you for your response. My sister is 65. And I am 59. She has had moments where she didn't know where she was or how she got there. She will continually ask me the same question over and over. Sometimes just 5 minutes later and 10-20 times in a day. She has been in the hospital for congestive heart failure and respiratory failure a few times this year. She will ask me over and over what is wrong with her, why is she in the hospital. She will not take her meds when discharged or do her breathing treatments or oxygen at all. She says she forgets. I text her to remind her even. She isn't supposed to smoke at all. She says she forgets that also. I made her a checklist with everything on it, so she doesn't have to depend on her memory. She hasn't used it once. She texts me all day saying the same thing over and over about her roomate. If I ask her anything she suddenly doesn t feel well enough to text. I try to talk to her on the phone but she always has a reason why she can't talk. I have figured out that she would rather text because then she doesn't have to answer any questions. She will tell me that her roommate stole her money. When I ask questions to try to understand why she is saying that she doesn't want to talk about it. I will prove to her that he didn't and could not have and She still continues to say he did. I got her in a lie. She told me he used her atm card while in the hospital and that she just called her bank to confirm it. I called her bank myself and there is no way she could have thought the bank said transactions were made while she was in the hospital. She is a somewhat recovered drug addict. She abused Xanax for over 20 years. She is constantly trying to get codeine cough syrup or any pills she can get high on. That is the only thing she will put any effort into. She doesn't go anywhere or do anything. Texts over and over saying please help her and please help her take care of her dog that also has medical problems. I honestly try to help them both, but it's all wasted effort because she refuses to do anything i suggest. I am disabled, love with my daughter and I don't drive. And my daughter will not allow her to come here because too much drama and being messed up on drugs in the past . And with having a teenage son in the house, she doesn't want him exposed to all that. Sorry, I know this is more than you probably wanted to hear. Thank you, any suggestions would be appreciated
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