I had a huge problem several months ago when my cousin went on line and put in for Mom's driver's license. Behind my back when I wasn't home. Said cousin was here recently and somehow she manages to make Mom think she can do anything and drive anywhere, so now she does.
I know I can't control everything she does, but I sit on pins and needles while she is gone, mostly based on how she acts when she is here at home with me. Weak, can hardly get around, moaning in bed and so forth. So, I am waiting for the 'other shoe to drop'
What else can I do? I pray for her and the other drivers. She just left to go to the store for pull-ups. It's the busiest time of the day.
How to deal with this without worrying myself to death?
When that time came when my parents stopped driving, I didn't learn to set boundaries. Heavens, I never realized my folks like getting out of the house 2 or 3 times a day. I couldn't do that while working full-time. I remember my Dad asking me to resign from my career so I could drive them. I asked him if he did that for his parents or for my Mom's parents.... ah, no. Never asked me again.
But my parents wanted to ride all over hill and dale. My Dad would call me saying he was going to start driving again.... MAJOR BUTTON HITTING TIME... that would make me explode. I said is going to the grocery store to buy one-get one free worth having an auto accident? I tried therapeutic fibs, like they would lose all of their net worth if he caused a major accident with injury. Fell on deaf ears [sorry for the pun].
We went around and around on this driving issue. My parents, mainly my Mom, wouldn't ride with strangers, so calling a taxi was out of the question, and heaven forbid calling the senior county bus.
So, there is no easy answer. But if your Mom has someone to drive her, if enough family lives nearby, they can take turns so that one person isn't overwhelmed.
Keys were taken, fits were thrown, but in the end, I think she was grateful someone took that 'privilege' away from her.
It's NOT about the driver anymore--it's about all the innocent souls out there. My neighbor's son was mowing the lawn one minute and 45 minutes later was killed in a T-bone accident by an elderly gent who just didn't see the stop sign. 3 innocent teens gone b/c nobody in this old man's life had the courage to step up and say "dad you cannot drive".
It's hard and you have to be willing to take the heat that comes with the angry elder.
Still waiting for PCP appointment. Oh, but wait, he left the practice and she wants to follow him to the next location. Won’t confirm her next appt in October til she finds out where he has gone!!
Round and round I go!
My suggestion is to self care when you are worrying - take your mind off of the ‘what ifs’. The shoe will drop anyway, at some point.
As for riding with her, I would just refuse. My dad was a terrible driver...all his life...finally I told him I would no longer ride with him as he scared the cr#p out of me. I drove his car or mine, finally he agreed to turn his license in.
But to avoid drama, and out of mercy for her, you should find covert ways to remove her reasons for driving, like arranging for that cousin (or another trustworthy relative or friend or neighbor) to take her to appointments, have groceries delivered (don't mind her if she protests it), getting others to drive her to church, etc. In my case the LOs liked the social aspect of it a lot, so didn't miss driving as the need gradually disappeared.
FYI no one did this for my uncle and he drove through a stop sign, was T-boned and it killed his wife and dog (luckily his victims weren't seriously hurt). If she is dangerous enough you can take her car "in for repairs" and just keep it to stall her. Wishing you courage as you protect others from an unsafe driver!