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Mom has been in a very nice assisted living facility since February. It took us four years of begging, cajoling, and persuading as her dementia (vascular) was worsening dramatically. Her behavior has gotten worse and worse. Her lifelong MO was to always be polite and “sweet” until someone left the room and then she would rip into how stupid and useless they were. Well, the inhibitions are gone now. She told the psychiatrist’s PA he was a fraud, she told the optometrist staff they were drunk and dumbas*** who didn’t know anything. And god help you if you are overweight (she’s been eating disordered herself for years). She refuses to shower, and won’t let them launder her clothes without a fight. She accuses everyone of theft and plotting to kill her. They are working their way through trials of various meds, but so far nothing is helping. My brother and I (we all live thousands of miles away, thank god) hold POA, and have told the staff that we’re open to anything they think might be needed, and they’ve been very responsive and communicated well with us. Mom is 91, and at this point, we are beginning to wonder how much more of this can go on… the ALF has a memory care unit and a behavioral unit, and I’m thinking she’s gonna end up there well juiced with serious drugs before long. And we’re kinda okay with that. She’s ALWAYS been difficult, but now she’s impossible. But damn, she is suffering…

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It took my mom (NPD, mentally ill) months of meds before she leveled off. Since then she has been much, much calmer. She still insults people, but with far less venom. She is happier and so are we. I hope they can find the right meds for your mom and she will settle in.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I’m so sorry all of you, mom included, are going through this. Kudos to you for cooperating so well with the staff on finding a plan to make things more manageable. The right med combination has to exist, just an exhausting trial and error process in finding what will work. Mom will never be able to tell you, but she’s blessed to have your care and concern. I wish you peace
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Has she had extensive lab work done? She may be in pain. She may have a UTI. Have you requested a geriatric psychiatrist? Functionsl psychiatrist claim that very low doses of lithium (like you can buy over the counter) really helps people. It’s not like the strength given to bipolar schizophrenia patients. Also hormones may greatly help. A urologist that prescribes hormones or a very good neurologist might be able to help her.

I’m so sorry for her suffering and for all trying to help her.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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RunningOnFumes 14 hours ago
Yeah, she’s been checked for a UTI and is negative. And she has a neuropsychiatrist who is overseeing her meds - we’re waiting to see if the most recent adjustments have some effect. Too soon to tell. She’s just so NASTY to everyone: calling them names, swearing at them, etc. She refuses to shower, refuses to eat, calls everyone stupid and mean and hateful. I long to tell her: YOU’RE the mean and hateful one, and you better knock it off or you’ll be in restraints… but of course that’s not helpful either. It’s just awful.
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Yes, she needs to go to memory care or the behavioral unit. Let the staff know that you agree. And keep trying with the meds.
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Reply to MG8522
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I really feel for you and your brother. And wholly agree with how you are handling this situation.

I hope you all get some peace from this dreadful condition.
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Reply to Suzy23
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It definitely sounds like your mom needs to be on some kind of anxiety medications to keep her calm. Her facility's doctors should know which ones to prescribe for her specific needs without making her a zombie.
And you're correct it may very well be time for mom to move to the memory care portion of the facility as they are better equipped to deal with folks with any of the dementias.
It is heartbreaking to witness some folks with dementia suffer so, while others seem to sail right through it without much drama. Either way though...dementia sucks!!!
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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