She lives with my brother and sister-in-law out of state, and I try to visit often. She has almost pulled us down several times, and our arms & shoulders get very sore after helping her walk, as she's a large/heavy woman. She refuses to use a walker, saying she doesn't need one. I'm afraid we're both going to fall, and be seriously injured. How can we convince her to use her walker? Her knees are not strong enough to support her anymore; it's not a balance problem. She's almost 82.
When she asks for assistance push her the walker, if she says no then she figures it out. Sorry mom, it is to hard on me physically to help support you, if you need any support it needs to be the walker. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat and repeat again until she uses the walker.
My mom helped her MIL that didn't need a walker and ended up tearing her rotator cuff and had to have 2 surgeries. She still has problems after 20 years.
Have her doctor order a physical therapy evaluation to determine her need for a walker. And to show her how to use it.
Then just say "no".
Call her doctor (follow up with a letter) and explain that she's no longer able to ambulate without support. S/he will order the walker and some PT/OT to teach her how to safely use it (if that's not offered, insist on it - it should be a home visit so she can get comfortable using it in the house).
When she wants to use YOU as a walker, tell her she can't. If that seems too harsh, tell her you pulled a muscle in your neck and can't support her (on either side!).
This is vanity and denial. It deserves compassion and empathy, but not indulgence.
She wanted groceries? She wanted to go to appts?
Walker.
She got to her door and told me to come.
I said I wasn't going anywhere with her unless she had the walker.
And yes, she is a fall risk and has been told over and over to use a walker.
She also has dementia and is sure that the doctors are all wrong.
SO, repeat and repeat some more. Nothing else you can do but make them use it no matter how much they refuse. No walker, no walking, no outing, no nothing.
And, because it is a matter of pride in public for them, I have found it wise to offer a choice, "Okay Mom, you choose: you can go out with the walker or stay home." "You can see people and places with us, with your walker, or no outings at all. What do you choose?"
Let's give them a choice, as there are not many things they now have the power to decide.