Mom is refusing to let the nursing home staff bathe her. Tips?

Question

Mom is refusing to let the nursing home staff bathe her. Tips?

Follow

Share

64 Answers

Medical supply houses have no-rinse 'foam' shampoos. They work pretty well. YOu might want to consider an in-home hair specialist that comes out with all gear necessary - just like the salon was in your home. They're not expensive; and it may be considered a treat for your Mom. They use the kitchen !

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

One of the reasons the elderly refuse to bathe is they hate getting cold and they also hate having their clothing removed. We would use hand towels or washcloths to cover private areas before and after those areas are bathed. Running a heater and getting the bathing area toasty warm helps if allowed by NH. Once finished, a nice warm bath blanket covering them from head to toe while drying and dressing is also a big help. You can make your own 'bath in a bag' by getting a gallon-sized baggie and placing three or more wathcloths dripping wet, along with a gentle liquid soap inside. Heat up in a microwave and you're ready to go. Keep them covered and warm as much as possible and it greatly reduces reluctance to bath in the majority of the Elderly.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

As mentioned, the bathroom set up means a great deal when it comes to her fears. I hate to say this but she may also fear the capability of the staff, fear they will not see to her safety and rightfully so. Many nursing homes are not big on safety and there is always falls. You can't force her, this will strip her of her dignity, the last bit of independence she has and she is using it. Is there anyway a loved one could come there to be there for showering once a week, which is all that may be needed? With dementia comes fear, and water is one of them, very common.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Teenage girls love the dry shampoos. I used the no rinse type when I was giving a bed bath. I thought they worked pretty good. Have a lot of towels handy. My daughter went away on a religious retreat for the weekend. From what I understood, no one showered but they all had clean hair.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

My hubby, who has dementia, would freak out if I try to get him under a shower or into the bath tub. I sponge bathe him in bits and pieces, and he always comes up smelling like a rose. I do his torso one day and his legs and feet a day or two later. Needless to say, I wash his privates whenever he is incontinent, which is very often. I am fortunate in that I have family living in the upstairs apartment, and I have a wonderful support system. Be that as it may, there is no reason whatsoever why a caregiver should not be satisfied with a sponge bath as I have outlined. There is no law that the patient has to have a shower or a bath. No law at all! :)

Helpful Answer (8)

Report

Try to make the shower as much a pleasure as possible, with a reward at the end. I use Shampoo on my Dad, tea tree by OGX/organix. The hair and back are like a back rub, he sits in the shower chair and holds the hand held spray(control) Then he gets coached through the rest of the bath/shower washing himself with a wash cloth, while the aide (or me) holds the spray. After he is done, he gets ice cream or hot coco with whipped cream. He gets lots of praise for how clean his skin is, how good it looks, How handsome he is, how improved the purple on his legs is, how his black toe nails are almost gone *Wild Harvest Tea Tree Ointment), etc. It works better for the aides than for me, but it works.

Helpful Answer (7)

Report

Actually I worked in nursing homes, in-home and in AL facilities in three different states for over 30+ years both as a CNA and as an RN, and they are very big on safety. While back in the '70's they weren't as good as they are now, nowadays it's a very big issue and they have laws and yearly inspections to back them up. They also have surprise inspections every so often and if they do have falls, it's a very big deal. They get penalized and their nursing home ratings take a dive. Not sure if that's true in every state but it was in the ones I worked in. You could not work in a NH unless you were a certified nursing assistant and did job shadowing, in addition to being able to pass various training procedures and have a list checked off of things you did in front of your 'handler', to show you were capable of doing them, during your week of orientation. Every year, you had to take CE lessons and refresher courses to stay trained and current with laws, policies and techniques. Also after so many years you had to renew your CNA license as well. Not sure, as I stated earlier, if this is true, however, in every state or not.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

They sometimeshae th ewater a bit cold so you don't get burned. Maybe try a little later. baby wipes in between times....

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

I like the suggestion of a warm bathroom. My mom always loved the water (swimming as well as baths). I am just adding a few more ideas. Making bath time a luxurious experience may make a huge difference. A bubble bath, scented bath, bath oils, oatmeal bath, etc. may make bathing a more sensory luxurious experience. Soaking in a tub can be very relaxing/therapeutic for many people. Adding soft music, candlelight, etc. may also make this a more positive experience for your mom. Don't rush, talk to her about being given a spa treatment or a therapeutic bath or whatever. Be relaxed when helping her bathe. If she feels uncomfortable due to her nudity, you can probably let her wear or be covered by something such as a thin robe, a sheet or shirt or whatever so she can be modest to some degree. You could uncover just the part of her body you are helping her to bathe. Being immersed in warm water can be very relaxing to anyone's nervous system. Give her time to enjoy it if she likes it.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Thank for you suggestions everyone. Many were thoughtful and kind. Some have asked for clarification, so here it is. While it is the nursing home’s responsibility to bathe her, it is my concern because I love her. I am concerned about her health in the sense of UTI if she’s not clean.

Ferris1 – How dare you say my mother won’t be able to talk soon to refuse the shower? You haven’t the slightest idea what will or will not happen to anyone else. I found your comment to be cruel and unhelpful.

I’ve been on this site for about a year and in that time I’ve been taken aback and offended by the stupid, mean-spirited things you have said to others who have turned to this site for help. This behavior is unacceptable and I will now begin calling you on it, publicly and immediately.

MODERATOR: Several of us have flagged Ferris1’s posts as inappropriate. Please take action now. We do not want or need a troll on this site, driving people away. Less traffic also means less revenue from advertisers. Thank you.

And to my fellow members, and others who have been a victim of this person’s vitriol, you’re welcome.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

I think the important point is that even when mom cannot speak, the fear will still be there. Watch the teepa snow videos on youtube about bathing patients with dementia. You overcome that fear by exposing only a small area at a time, washing, drying, warming and then move to another area. Then it is more like a soothing massage than a full on bath or shower. I believe that is what Ferris intended; texting can be misinterpreted.

Helpful Answer (3)

Report

I'm sorry, christine73 for you and all the others who have been targets for vicious and cruel remarks. The abusive people making those remarks should form their own website and post their cruelty to each other and stay off this website. They certainly are not on here for the right reason like the rest of us are.

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

I have the same mindset as Christine73, my mom lived home but went into an inpatient skilled nursing facility for a month. I asked for and received permission to be the one to shower my mom. I had done it for years and I was not subjecting her to any trauma or fears, regardless of the fact if she would remember or not.
Pam, you are right, texts are misinterrupted but you should let Ferris speak for herself.
I was reading a post last week, can't even remember what it was but, my comment was i could not believe how judgmental and mean some of the posts were.
I love this site. There are so many wonderful people with tons of good ideas and advice based on experience and just nice banter back and forth like the Post about believing in Angels. For me it goes back to what my dear mother would say "if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing". Good Luck Christine73, would like to hear how you made out with your moms bathing/washing issues.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Mom was fighting with the staff when I appeared for the visit. I looked at her, took off my own socks and shoes, rolled her in the shower and said, "It is spring on Silver Lake- you have your skis on and the rope is tightening. you say "hit it." and zoom- (now I spray the water around her legs and buns) She laughs and says, "You fool." and the shower is done. Janie Jasin 14 years - Mom in long term care with Parkinson's- dementia- private pay- me? an only child. And creativity saved my assets. Speaker for hundreds of Health Care events and grateful child.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Is there a RA that is close with her? Maybe have the one she likes the most try. They need to give her reasons why she should but also have them come up with some together so she feels like she has a choice. Don't use the word shower, use clean with running water. For some reason "shower" is a bad word to them. I hope it works!

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Also when you do wash the hair I normally put the shampoo and conditioner at the same time. Cuts the time and they don't have to get there hair wet twice.

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Don't anyone think I am callous for this comparison, but we raise horses, and I have often found similarities between dealing with fearful or nervous horses and either young children or people dealing with dementia issues. For instance, many horses are fearful of a bath and this is how we deal with them:

You don't ask if they want a bath, of course they don't. But you know they need one and are calm and respectful, but gently firm. Our trainer likes to say, "As gently as possible, as firmly as necessary." You have all your supplies ready and everything in place to make the experience as pleasant and comfortable as possible. You start bathing in the areas they are most comfortable with, taking your time and talking soothingly all the while. Then move on gently to a surrounding area. If any resistance is encountered, you move back to where it was comfortable for them for awhile and move on again until you are done. If it's chilly a rubdown with several nice heated towels is a good way to end and make sure it is always a positive experience for them. Then tell them how good they were and don't they feel and look and smell nice? The most important aspects are calmness on your part (becoming angry about an irrational fear never helps) and not seeming to rush through it (while at the same time not taking any longer than is necessary and dragging it out). When they have a negative experience it only makes it harder the next time, for the both of you.

This may sound patronizing, and I know people are not animals, but if you are dealing with someone who has unwarranted fear or irrational reluctance and cannot be logically reasoned with, it may help someone.

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Cricketfarms, I think that answer is perfect. I also have made comparisons at times between animal care and human care - and as I see it, some of the processes are the same. If we are dealing with a fearful being (maybe in humans it's possible for elders to mask a fear by trying to distract us or telling jokes - or even criticizing us and getting into an argument - but the signals of fear are very similar - they draw away when afraid. And the process of treatment is the same - if you decide they need a bath, understand they will be afraid, but have everything set up in advance, to make it go smoothly. And guide them towards it, pause if they draw back, reaffirm how important and good this is, and guide them slightly forward. Don't stop for any reasons of your own, be ready to guide them smoothly, safely, calmly, through the sequence at each stage, including getting to the bath or shower, and stepping in. I usually put the water on first, on warm enough, and guide them safely into it. For elders who are objecting, I tell them how important it is, to avoid infection, that they will smell good, that the water feels good - while focusing my actions on their safe movement, and the full completion of tasks involved. If they are able to wash their own privates, I hand them the facecloth with soap on it, and help them afterwards to be sure all areas were reached and all soap is removed - that's easy to persuade them, with the suggestion that they do not want to feel itchy afterwards. If they need to turn I just ask them to do so, while guiding this safely. When they are holding on or sitting, ask them to lift the foot for me. The clear focus on communication and shared process works well. Allowing any other conversation to go on, is a distraction that can signal the caregiver's fear - best to accept what comes up, and like meditation advice, just gently but clearly return to the tasks until the complete process is done. I love the mantra you suggest: As gently as possible, as firmly as necessary."

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

There are lots of good suggestions here. Please check the state regulations in your state as to what constitutes a bath. Then, go from there.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

My mother (100) hasn't showered in 3 years. It isn't that she is scared, she simply won't, and she is filthy, so are her clothes. We put her in AL a month ago and she still won't shower and won't let anyone help her. The doctor just prescribed Zoloft. We are hoping that will make her more cooperative with the aides. Right now she is depressed and downright difficult and negative about everything and is starting to get aggressively nasty if you touch her. Its part of the dementia. Pam has a good idea about giving a calming drug an hour before the shower! It would need a doctor order, but definitely sounds like it is worth the effort to talk to the doctor and give it a try!

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Well, it's a bit funny that I had to deal with this situation today. But of course, it's a different person and a different set of prior circumstances and activities. And I help this 95 year old woman as companion, 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. She needed a shower, and her family usually do it, but could not, and I was asked to give her one, and she said no.

I said OK, and sat with her at the table and we talked. After a while, she wanted to know why she was supposed to have a shower today. I explained that she had missed two shower opportunities recently. She said "oh". I didn't try to persuade her. I agreed, she would not want to get cold. Finally, she said, well, what time would this shower be? I said 10 AM (it was then 9) - and said nothing more about it. By 9:40, she asked what needed to be done before the shower - and she helped me get her glasses case for her glasses, and I could say thanks, and tell her I want to have her clothes and everything ready so that she won't get cold - she helped me set it up, and I made sure the water was right temp and all went smoothly, I let her clean her privates, but did all the rest, gently, steadily..

It helps a lot to have time, be calm and to go with the person's choices and at their pace. I was taught by a superb worker in a program for cognitively disabled, to say "Yes, and", not "No" or "But". Focus on new clean clothes and beauty, not criticize filthy clothes. I don't mean to criticize others - there are times it doesn't always work. But agreeing with the positive works, just laughing at life together, pausing taking time - better to get closer with permission, than trying to explain or persuade or rush, if the person is set against it. Not at all easy for any family member to do, and also not for busy staff in facilities - but it does work better over time sometimes.

Helpful Answer (5)

Report

Try different times of day

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

Hi everyone. Original poster here. I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful, insightful responses, and provide an update. It turns out that my mother is not averse to being clean, but she doesn't like the NH showering process. So I got a couple of basins from the NH, filled then with warm soapy water and had her soak her feet, after which I cut and files her toenails. While she was feeling pampered, I used the soapy water and washcloth to give her a "bath" in her room. I did her back and she did her own privates, underneath a strategically placed half-slip I bought her for modesty. We followed that up with baby wipes and clean clothes and mom was surprisingly calm. Low light in her room helped. Victory!

Helpful Answer (4)

Report

Christine, Hooray for you victory! You are a wonderful daughter!

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Thank you ilovemom2!

Helpful Answer (2)

Report

Perfect! I find that helping someone with ONE piece, and doing it cheerfully and gently, can help someone say yes to the next piece. And if they say no, just wait a minute without further suggestion, and let them come up with the idea for the next part. They may refuse the whole bath, but be glad to have hands and face washed well, or feet and toenails - good for you! It feels so good when we find a way to succeed! Next time may not be so easy, but it sounds like you have the right idea, and can make it a positive episode!

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

If it's any kind of a nursing home, they will find a way. If they give in to her, it means they don't have a clue that it can be done in bits and pieces, just as I do with my hubby here at home. Nursing home personnel are so often worthless.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

I really like the idea of a sedative before the bath. I really like the little white lie about the date, but you better be ready to deliver that date because the lady may hold you to it and may get very angry with you for lying to her once she figures out you're lying

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

Just a caution about "sedatives". These can leave a patient so relaxed and even limp, they will be unable to stand up. I would use a sedative as a last resort to relax them, but I'd would almost never get someone in the shower or tub after they had taken one. It could result in a fall.

When I want someone to bathe/shower, I get everything they will need laid out in their bathroom. It's not a good idea to "ask" someone if they "want" to take a shower, because they never will "want" to. I will just matter-of-factly start walking with them, chatting, and say "come with me for a minute". We go to the bathroom and I let them know I'm helping them shower and everything is ready for them...then I do whatever they need, which might be nothing, they just need the support. Sometimes I will mention that it's important for them to stay "fresh" and if they ask, I will say "if you take a shower, you will be all fresh and clean". This thread has lots of good ideas and suggestions!

Helpful Answer (1)

Report

I wash my mother's hair w washcloth & shampoo..then rinse w plain water on different wash cloth. Dry shampoo she hated the smell & the spray was scary & uncomfortable. Every attempt to keep her clean & well groomed is like a battle; so I walk away for a few minutes & come back. She forgets the scene from 5 min ago.

Helpful Answer (0)

Report

1 2 3

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Mom is refusing to let the nursing home staff bathe her. Tips?

64 Answers

Recent Questions

Popular Questions

Related Questions