She is so embarrassed and hates being changed and washed. She came to me for dinner the other night and I was having people over and before that she messed herself. I offered to bath and change her but she refused and she was smelling awful. She told me she wants to go back to the home. It was much too late to take her back to the home so my daughter and myself insisted on bathing her. My mom hated it and protested while she was being bathed. I feel like I have got a child all over again.
Dementia is a degenerative disease. There will be times when you feel like your love one is normal and there will be times that you feel that your love one seems to be in the edge and in a hopeless place. Do not think that way because this will just make the situation even worst. The more practical and the more knowledgeable you approach this change in your family; the easier it will be for you, your whole family and that important and special person to adjust to this challenge.
Whether your Mom is at home or is being cared for in a nursing home, your support, both emotionally and physically will make things more pleasurable and easier for her. This is a challenge of course and a bigger challenge on your part because you have to continuously endures the fact that your Mum is already starting to lose precious memories of you, the life that she once had.
Feeling embarrassed of having to rely on other people for taking care of themselves is really a very hard experience to go through. Actually, this is a good sign on your Mum’s end because this simply means that she still has that capabilities for judgment and still has that capability to feel emotions like being shy and awkward; something people with dementia is not capable of. Of course, you need to constantly remind your Mom the importance of being attended to by you or a professional for her safety and wellbeing.
It is pretty normal to feel like you are taking care of a child, but this is your Mom we are talking about. Back then when you were a child and you are incapable of doing things for yourself, she was the one who was there for you and the one who had to give you a bath every day until you were old enough to bath on your own. This is just a simple way of giving back to the sacrifices and the things your Mom had to do for you.
In my case, had I been embarrassed for her...or repelled by it...or in any other way negative? She'd have been mortified. I wasn't, so neither was she. I think "very matter-of-fact" is the key.
I completely sympathize with you. It's not easy watching our parent(s) go downhill. You were caught in a real dilemma expecting company. I hope you don't cut down on her social outings with others. I just know how much it means to her. It probably broke her heart that that happened. Your friends will understand.