My mother has lots of health problems and her dementia is getting worse and that makes everything else worse. She is so rude and irritable to me that I just can hardly stand it anymore. She has very bad eyesight due to 55 year of diabetes, she has seizures about every two weeks (fainting type), bad balance which she using a lot a w alker, falls more often now, always dizzy and feels bad, bad back, etc.
She constantly complains about her health, but she complains all the time about how dark it is. We burn all the lights with 100 wt. bulbs.
So, she makes all these comments about it is so dark in my room I can't see to get my clothes on. I offer to get her clothes out and she always says no she'll do it. I'll offer 2-3 times in different ways and she gets rude and then, I just leave and go on. I'll check back with her in a few minutes to see if she needs me to help her and more times than not, I have to help her do something.
But, what makes it so bad and makes me just leave her room is her attitude toward me. Just down right rude to me about it. I get tired of being treated so awful when I'm trying to be helpful.
So, what do I do when I'm trying to be helpful and she is rude about not wanting my help? She needs help, but won't admit it. I feel bad leaving her, but what else do I do...stand there and let her continue to be rude to me?
I need help!! LOL (but it isn't really funny!!) Thank you for your help.
karen
I read a great book, Talking to Alzheimer's, which addresses some specific ways to relate to people with dementia, without agitating them.
There are no easy answers, we finally felt it was best to find an AL with a memory care unit, which has been successful for all of us.
But if the person who is treating us badly now always treated us badly, it requires a little translation. If anyone reading this had a mother who was a narcissistic bitch before, what you have on your hands now is a narcissistic bitch who additionally is confused, frightened, facing mortality and loss of power, and outright demented -- and you already have a history of abuse with this person. Hello! Let that give you a little permission to step back and look at how difficult THAT is, and get yourself some help.
If nothing else, do this for yourself. Family caregivers health and wellbeing will often suffer more than the loved one they care for.
Good Luck!
Pamela