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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Is this the beginning of dementia? He doesn't seem suspicious of anyone else. He had even called the police several times. We've tried to get him to go to the doctor but he gets angry. We're not sure what to do.
Oh dear. In my mom’s nursing home, which was in Russia (not really) they had installed security cameras all over her room, especially in the sprinkler system in the ceiling. I told her that couldn’t be because there was water in there and it would short circuit the camera. She accepted that. There was also a young boy on a bicycle in the “street” (hallway) outside her “apartment” (room) who stole her dirty underwear. On and on. Unfortunately, when our LO passes, this is what we remember about them. It can be funny and make us unbearably sad at the same time.
Oh and the mice in our last house wore very heavy boots. Which reminds me of when we were first married and rented an apartment in London. There was an irish man three doors down (they were row houses) who liked to tell tails of the "Troubles" in Ireland back in the 30s. He said they knocked holes in the attics between the houses so the bad people could escape when the police came knocking.
Sorry Tommy I really have no more helpful suggestns than others have already given.
Don't worry it could be worse. My hubby thinks he is under servielence and maybe he is right. he thinks people are getting into his computer so he keeps it in a tin box to prevent access. I believed it at one time because when we first came to the US we always got the majority of our mail on Tuesdays. We used to joke that the FBI collected it all week, looked it over then forwarded it on Monday morning. A couple of weeks ago he was selected for a "random" search at the airport. He thinks he must be on some list because he is always picked out. This time his belt buckle set off the alarm and when he removed it the alarm stopped! The TSA still took him aside to a private room. Don't know what they will do with me next time if ever I fly with two metal hips plus a knee.
PS We don't get all our mail on a Tuesday now. maybe they have got tired of reading all those charitable requests.
Tommy, what your Dad is going through could be just an Urinary Tract Infection which can cause elders to imagine things. My Dad thought this home had ants on the walls and in his food. Sure enough it was a UTI and once the antibiotics started to kick in, the ants started to go away.
Jeanne, good points in your first and second paragraphs - you raise an issue that I think isn't often considered.
Dementia is not the only cause for imagining things. I know of someone who was paranoid, imagined she was being persecuted by the family, had been on a pity party for years, refused to take care of herself physically and ended up with multiple life threatening complications.
For decades others were "mean to me". Refused to get psychiatric help, imagined family bugged the house and eavesdropped.
Mental illness apart from dementia could be a cause for paranoia.
Tommy, I'm also wondering if this is the first episode, or a pattern, and if anything specific preceeded it, especially something like watching political news or the horrific weather disasters. I found they make me unsettled and anxious, so I have to control exposure to catastrophic disasters, especially when newscasters obsess on them over and over again.
I used to think there were people moving around in our walls. My mother assured me they were not. I think it would have been more comforting if she has explained it was mice moving around. (I was 4.)
I wonder how much of elder delusions are triggered by some actual outside happening. Dad hears noises under the floor. His brain is confused. He can't figure out what is making those noises. But not knowing doesn't feel right. So he makes something up. Maybe he recently had a memorable encounter with the neighbor so he drags that in. This is all speculation. Delusions caused by a broken brain are not the same as fantasies a child makes up. But they are both trying to make sense of something in the world that they don't understand.
Why on earth wouldn't your dad understand house noises? Well, dementia is one (but not the only) possibility. Dementia often involved paranoia and delusions. Have you noticed any other changes in Dad's behavior? Is he forgetful? Often confused about the day or the week or the time of day? Is there any evidence he is not keeping up with his bills?
It would be good if you could get him to a doctor, even under false pretenses. "Let's get your ears checked out and see if they are causing those noises when the house is quiet."
Does Dad live alone? Does he use the stove? That is always a worry when people get confused. Look for any evidence of accidents. Do some reading on early dementia symptoms. (And remember, this may NOT be dementia. But I think it is worth considering.)
Until you can get him to his doctor, watch closely for other behavior changes. Make a log of them so you can be specific in what you tell the doctor.
Has anyone tried listening to see if they can hear anything in the crawl space? Doesn't have to be the neighbour - could be another invader, perhaps, like a furry creature? But if it's always the same noise and always in the same place, I wouldn't leap to any conclusions about paranoia.
Classic dementia in my book. My father developed into a state where he "hated" all his neighbors. He even was sort of "Stalking" one of them. You need to watch over him, document his behaviors and try to discuss with his doctor.
Could he have a urinary tract infection? Find an excuse to take him to the doctor. Call the doctor ahead of time and pass a written note to his support staff. It is worth a try...good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Which reminds me of when we were first married and rented an apartment in London. There was an irish man three doors down (they were row houses) who liked to tell tails of the "Troubles" in Ireland back in the 30s. He said they knocked holes in the attics between the houses so the bad people could escape when the police came knocking.
Sorry Tommy I really have no more helpful suggestns than others have already given.
I believed it at one time because when we first came to the US we always got the majority of our mail on Tuesdays. We used to joke that the FBI collected it all week, looked it over then forwarded it on Monday morning.
A couple of weeks ago he was selected for a "random" search at the airport. He thinks he must be on some list because he is always picked out. This time his belt buckle set off the alarm and when he removed it the alarm stopped! The TSA still took him aside to a private room. Don't know what they will do with me next time if ever I fly with two metal hips plus a knee.
PS We don't get all our mail on a Tuesday now. maybe they have got tired of reading all those charitable requests.
Dementia is not the only cause for imagining things. I know of someone who was paranoid, imagined she was being persecuted by the family, had been on a pity party for years, refused to take care of herself physically and ended up with multiple life threatening complications.
For decades others were "mean to me". Refused to get psychiatric help, imagined family bugged the house and eavesdropped.
Mental illness apart from dementia could be a cause for paranoia.
Tommy, I'm also wondering if this is the first episode, or a pattern, and if anything specific preceeded it, especially something like watching political news or the horrific weather disasters. I found they make me unsettled and anxious, so I have to control exposure to catastrophic disasters, especially when newscasters obsess on them over and over again.
I wonder how much of elder delusions are triggered by some actual outside happening. Dad hears noises under the floor. His brain is confused. He can't figure out what is making those noises. But not knowing doesn't feel right. So he makes something up. Maybe he recently had a memorable encounter with the neighbor so he drags that in. This is all speculation. Delusions caused by a broken brain are not the same as fantasies a child makes up. But they are both trying to make sense of something in the world that they don't understand.
Why on earth wouldn't your dad understand house noises? Well, dementia is one (but not the only) possibility. Dementia often involved paranoia and delusions. Have you noticed any other changes in Dad's behavior? Is he forgetful? Often confused about the day or the week or the time of day? Is there any evidence he is not keeping up with his bills?
It would be good if you could get him to a doctor, even under false pretenses. "Let's get your ears checked out and see if they are causing those noises when the house is quiet."
Does Dad live alone? Does he use the stove? That is always a worry when people get confused. Look for any evidence of accidents. Do some reading on early dementia symptoms. (And remember, this may NOT be dementia. But I think it is worth considering.)
Until you can get him to his doctor, watch closely for other behavior changes. Make a log of them so you can be specific in what you tell the doctor.
Could he have a urinary tract infection? Find an excuse to take him to the doctor. Call the doctor ahead of time and pass a written note to his support staff. It is worth a try...good luck.