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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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He talks about breaking out of the facility. And it will be my fault if something happens to him. Anyone have ideas how to deal with this. It makes me not want to visit.
I would remind my husband that his personal neurologist (one reason I picked out the facility I did was this neurologist was its medical director), his family doctor, and our priest recommended he live there now. I visited a lot initially (I had taken early retirement to care for him at home); usually arrived for lunch and then would stay until after he had his dinner. When I needed to go home, I'd say I need to clean the cats' litter boxes and feed them. But I'll be back. And I was.
If it's possible for you to get him into your car (and he can't outrun you), maybe you can take him on outings to familiar places: out to eat, for a walk in a park, to a sports bar to see a sporting event, or to church/synagogue/mosque/temple if you belong to one. And be affectionate when you visit: hold hands, put your arm around him. On nice days, I'd take my husband outside. They had a long driveway and we'd walk to the end of it. It had flowers and shrubs, and backed up to homes with nice yards. We'd walk to the end of the driveway and have a few smooches.
The behavior you are witnessing, while personally so very hurtful to you, is normal behavior for one with dementia.
I so agree with all the advice you got below, and especially with not arguing--you have no point to prove here and he will never understand. And with keeping your visits very loving, very short.
I agree with the previous posters. I am sorry that your husband’s words make you uncomfortable.
Be comforted knowing that your husband is exactly where he needs to be.
I just read your profile. I am so sorry that you had to sell your home in order to pay for his care. I see that you have moved into your daughter’s home.
It’s very sad when life changes so drastically. Wishing you all the best.
You can also get up and leave, having said, “Honey, I’ve told you three times already this visit, ‘let’s talk about something else. See you next time!.’ “ Then, give him a big smooch and head out.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Keep any explaination short. Say that he does need to be here today. That hopefully he can make the best of it.
Reassure him you love him again.
If it's possible for you to get him into your car (and he can't outrun you), maybe you can take him on outings to familiar places: out to eat, for a walk in a park, to a sports bar to see a sporting event, or to church/synagogue/mosque/temple if you belong to one. And be affectionate when you visit: hold hands, put your arm around him. On nice days, I'd take my husband outside. They had a long driveway and we'd walk to the end of it. It had flowers and shrubs, and backed up to homes with nice yards. We'd walk to the end of the driveway and have a few smooches.
I so agree with all the advice you got below, and especially with not arguing--you have no point to prove here and he will never understand. And with keeping your visits very loving, very short.
Be comforted knowing that your husband is exactly where he needs to be.
I just read your profile. I am so sorry that you had to sell your home in order to pay for his care. I see that you have moved into your daughter’s home.
It’s very sad when life changes so drastically. Wishing you all the best.
I would say "When your doctor gives us written approval for you to leave, we will discuss it further". Or, something like that.
If he starts and won't start, just leave, gotta run!
If he has dementia, eventually he will forget about it, you just have to buy some time.
Sending support your way.
You can also get up and leave, having said, “Honey, I’ve told you three times already this visit, ‘let’s talk about something else. See you next time!.’ “ Then, give him a big smooch and head out.