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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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She may be hallucinating, and/or her brain not seeing you correctly in whatever position you are in, a distortion. My mother took a bad fall shortly before she died, was found by EMTs, and kept talking thereafter about 'all the workmen that were in the house' that night, when there were none at all. It's a type of dream state as the brain falters. It doesn't 'mean' anything other than your mom is experiencing life in a different way than you are at that moment. Calm her if she's agitated, but just play along if she is just musing. When folks are near death it's claimed some see deceased relatives 'on the other side' so your mom may be having spirit visitors and is asking THEM to turn so she can see them better.
About 3 days before my Mom died in 2000, I went to visit her at home. She was in home hospice, with my older sister (a cardiac nurse) as her caregiver. My sister left when I arrived, to get groceries. We were there alone.
Mom was chatty and in a good mood. She was alert and sitting up. We talked about the usual everyday subjects, yet in between she started saying things like, "I lost sleep last night when your Father wouldn't take that damn dog out of the bedroom!" My Father had died in 1970, and we never had a dog! I was kind of stunned, but just smiled and nodded, going along with her stories. A few times mid-sentence, she looked behind me, and said, "Who is that man/woman standing behind you?" I would turn around (nobody was there), shrug and say, "I don't know, I never met them before." I'd change the subject to the weather.
In between normal conversation, she would say these weird comments out of nowhere! She complained about the dog always jumping in the pool, then coming inside and shaking the water off! Again, we had no dog or pool! Granted it shook me up a bit, but I kept a straight face. I would smile, nod or laugh, not not act upset or scared. I stayed very cool. This exchange went on 2 hours before I left. It was the last time I saw her alive, and I'll never forget it. She told me she loved me and was proud of me when we said goodbye. I told her I loved her, she was a great Mom who taught me so much and was a role model. It wasn't a sad goodbye, despite me knowing she'd be gone soon. I left when my sister returned, pretty shook up...but said nothing about it.
There are many theories on this very subject...depending on your personal beliefs. It could be low oxygen to her brain when actively dying, or could be "spirits" of some type...lost relatives coming to get her to help her cross over....or basic hallucinations. She had COPD, not dementia.
I just went along with her "observations" to avoid upsetting her. What good would it do to say, "What are you talking about? You are talking crazy and scaring me with your crazy comments!" I knew she wasn't on typical hospice morphine, she wasn't in pain. Not even on oxygen.
When I look back 24 years later, it was fascinating...in a weird way. I wish now I had asked her for descriptions of who she was seeing standing behind me!
Wow. My husband would "see" his dead brother over my shoulder. I never thought of hallucinations. Lol, I freaked out, thinking he could see the ghost of his dead brother! My husband looked right at me, then, a little beside/behind me, his face lit up, and with a big smile, he exclaimed, "Ronnie!". I immediately looked over my shoulder! Wondering if Ronnie's ghost was there. This hasn't happened in a while (10 years post-stroke). But, he still asks for his brother and says Ronnie will take care of him. Ronnie died in the 1990's. IDK, but I'm convinced there is a ghost (?) whatever that means, who regularly connects with my husband. We both believe in ghosts, because we have had encounters. No, really! So, it could well be that the loved ones from the past are visiting our "demented" loved ones. Many times my husband has requested to go to his Mom or his brother who died long ago. It's hard. I know he would never have wanted to live like this, unable to communicate or walk or do anything on his own. But, I'm not going to kill him. So, we live like this. And, ironically, my husband is in better health than he ever was, as I deteriorate from the stress of being a caregiver.
I can't imagine what she means, myself. If she is unable to elaborate when you question her, then I think you are left guessing. I am sure it's clear to you that she isn't particularly coherent now, and that this may mean something to her you can never know. I am sorry your mom is going through this and that you are as well. I wish you the best.
It could mean anything. She may have been having a dream. She may have seen someone that had come to visit her. And if they were leaving she may have wanted them to stay longer. OR she might not have been able to see who it was and she wanted them to turn around.
There are many stories of people at EOL (end of life) seeing deceased loved ones that I would not be surprised at this.
The main question is.. Was mom upset or frightened? Is mom in pain? Is mom comfortable? If she is not upset or frightened, if she is not in pain don't worry about it. If she seems to be in pain or upset talk to the Hospice nurse. If mom is comfortable then don't worry. Sit with her. Hold her hand. If she can talk about this just listen and tell her that you will be alright. If she is not talking you can talk to her and tell her the same thing, you will be ok, that you will miss her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Mom was chatty and in a good mood. She was alert and sitting up. We talked about the usual everyday subjects, yet in between she started saying things like, "I lost sleep last night when your Father wouldn't take that damn dog out of the bedroom!" My Father had died in 1970, and we never had a dog! I was kind of stunned, but just smiled and nodded, going along with her stories. A few times mid-sentence, she looked behind me, and said, "Who is that man/woman standing behind you?" I would turn around (nobody was there), shrug and say, "I don't know, I never met them before." I'd change the subject to the weather.
In between normal conversation, she would say these weird comments out of nowhere! She complained about the dog always jumping in the pool, then coming inside and shaking the water off! Again, we had no dog or pool! Granted it shook me up a bit, but I kept a straight face. I would smile, nod or laugh, not not act upset or scared. I stayed very cool. This exchange went on 2 hours before I left. It was the last time I saw her alive, and I'll never forget it. She told me she loved me and was proud of me when we said goodbye. I told her I loved her, she was a great Mom who taught me so much and was a role model. It wasn't a sad goodbye, despite me knowing she'd be gone soon. I left when my sister returned, pretty shook up...but said nothing about it.
There are many theories on this very subject...depending on your personal beliefs. It could be low oxygen to her brain when actively dying, or could be "spirits" of some type...lost relatives coming to get her to help her cross over....or basic hallucinations. She had COPD, not dementia.
I just went along with her "observations" to avoid upsetting her. What good would it do to say, "What are you talking about? You are talking crazy and scaring me with your crazy comments!" I knew she wasn't on typical hospice morphine, she wasn't in pain. Not even on oxygen.
When I look back 24 years later, it was fascinating...in a weird way. I wish now I had asked her for descriptions of who she was seeing standing behind me!
My husband looked right at me, then, a little beside/behind me, his face lit up, and with a big smile, he exclaimed, "Ronnie!". I immediately looked over my shoulder! Wondering if Ronnie's ghost was there. This hasn't happened in a while (10 years post-stroke). But, he still asks for his brother and says Ronnie will take care of him. Ronnie died in the 1990's.
IDK, but I'm convinced there is a ghost (?) whatever that means, who regularly connects with my husband. We both believe in ghosts, because we have had encounters. No, really!
So, it could well be that the loved ones from the past are visiting our "demented" loved ones.
Many times my husband has requested to go to his Mom or his brother who died long ago. It's hard. I know he would never have wanted to live like this, unable to communicate or walk or do anything on his own.
But, I'm not going to kill him. So, we live like this. And, ironically, my husband is in better health than he ever was, as I deteriorate from the stress of being a caregiver.
If she is unable to elaborate when you question her, then I think you are left guessing.
I am sure it's clear to you that she isn't particularly coherent now, and that this may mean something to her you can never know.
I am sorry your mom is going through this and that you are as well. I wish you the best.
She may have been having a dream.
She may have seen someone that had come to visit her. And if they were leaving she may have wanted them to stay longer. OR she might not have been able to see who it was and she wanted them to turn around.
There are many stories of people at EOL (end of life) seeing deceased loved ones that I would not be surprised at this.
The main question is..
Was mom upset or frightened?
Is mom in pain?
Is mom comfortable?
If she is not upset or frightened, if she is not in pain don't worry about it.
If she seems to be in pain or upset talk to the Hospice nurse.
If mom is comfortable then don't worry.
Sit with her. Hold her hand. If she can talk about this just listen and tell her that you will be alright. If she is not talking you can talk to her and tell her the same thing, you will be ok, that you will miss her.