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My Mom is the same. Seems many of our Parents are? Or a fair amount... I am just trying to focus on emptying the trash & emptying/loading the dishwasher, watering patio plants...Brother is managing bills (POA + Auto Pay) Thank God for this. I have to "table" purging-organizing until she allows me to.. Could be years. Last week I came across canned food in the garage (think Earthquake preparedness)...expiration dates on all the cans "2010." I tossed a few cans but then walked back upstairs as I heard her yelling "what are you doing?!" I think we have to tune out & revisit in time. :-o
Find a way to get her out of house & then call junk pickup company. Don’t tell or ask her..just get rid of the junk. Maybe call health dept too so there’s a deadline involved. Hugs 🤗
Your mother sounds like a hoarder and there's nothing anyone can do for one who doesn't want to help themselves and accept help. If your mother is elderly, put in a call to APS and your state's Department of Social Services. If she is considered at-risk then the court will appoint a conservator/guardian over her. It will likely be you or some other family member. If she will not accept help, then you have to just leave her in the hoard. There's nothing you can do.
7) FOR OCD a cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT) is mentioned with actions divided into three steps A. Declutter while noticing if hoarder is passive or active B. Group activities of shopping/discarding and talking through what is helpful C. Organization
It takes at least 3 months to work through. Some take longer. (3 mos sounds like a miracle to me)
8) some of the tactics can be applied to the treatment of hoarding in brain-injured patients and patients with Alzheimer disease, frontotemporal dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases
So the first question is…Has mom always been a hoarder or is this relatively new behavior?
If not. Then has she been seen by a doctor to determine cognition issues?
The issue with her eyes makes everything worse.
The above is from the article listed below written in 2006 but had at least an approach.
I so feel for you. My disabled nephew was put in the hospital Monday for possible sepsis in his legs. DH and I went to his apartment and it was awful. We got there at 12pm and stayed till six. I am resting today because my bank is killing me. We took bags off trash out and thru in the dumpster. Amazon boxes. Plastic bags all over. Bathroom was a disaster area. Found mouse droppings on his stove. Nothing in the frig and hundreds of these little like sour flies. Dishes left that I had to leave soaking because I cannot get them clean. He has a hygiene problem so everything smells. I have at least 8 loads or more of wash. Towels I had to wash 2xs with vinegar. I threw his is old, like 14 yrs and reburbished old, computer out. Nothing works on it. DVDs all over which I told him to stop buying. I think instead of washing clothes he has been ordering them. Right now I have a large load of T shirts. Enough for almost 2 weeks. A load of those nylon shorts men wear. More than he needs. He told me he was out of cream for his leg. I found at least 4 tubes. Tons of phone cables found a pkg never opened. And we aren' done. Need to go back for odds and ends. I made the mistake of leaving him alone to the point I would not enter his apt because of the smell and mess. I actually get a tightness in my chest and he doesn't want me to do anything.
His coordinator called me to say that she was recommending a group home for him. It won't be right away because a room is not available but I am thinking this is what he needs. Someone to oversee him. He is now 330lbs on a frame that should carry no more than 150 because of his physical problems.
JoAnn I am so sorry that your nephew is having such a hard time and by default you. I have a cousin who has fallen off the deep end as well. It is very stressful. I hope he gets into the group home as soon as possible.
I feel for you. Hoarding is a terrible condition and causes so much stress in a family.
Sadly if a hoarder is deemed mentally competent, there is very little you can do. If there is a safety, vermin, fire or other obvious hazard, you can try reporting her to the local authorities.
My Dad is a hoarder. Old clothes, vehicles, bits of paper, plastic bags, clothes, photos, letters, containers, books and much more. I spent my weekend cleaning out a rat. mouse and raccoon damaged travel trailer that had not been entered in 20 years. 16, 42 gallon garbage bags later and I did not get the last bit out.
Dad lies in another place now and at 93, he would have kittens to know I had tossed his treasures. The trailer will be taken away this weekend.
Cleaning a hoard is a thankless job, expensive to get rid of the junk, not appreciated by the hoarder, it actually causes them mental distress, and often other family members are not around to help.
I agree with all below. More information would help us with answering. And if your Mom is hoarding and has no underlying dementia diagnosis there is likely nothing that you can do. You can consider involving the county in investigating home for sanitation and such, but that will more than likely simply get a costly county order to clean out the house; if this is true hoarding that won't happen and you are unlikely to be able to make it happen. You can call APS for a wellness eval which may lead to some diagnosis, but if there is no dementia, again, there is little you can do. Sorry you are in this situation.
If she is a "hoarder" there is not a lot that you can do unless she accepts help. Hoarding is a mental issue just as much as a physical problem. What you see as useless are "treasures" or items she will "need later". My Husband had always been one to "find" things, "save" things but I noticed that as his dementia progressed that he began to find and keep more things. And he had never been one to toss stuff out I had the "luck" to have our sump pump go out so I was able to toss out a lot of stuff that he had been keeping but I had to put stuff in black bags to keep him from seeing what was getting tossed. If dementia is not part of your mom's diagnosis it is hoarding and that you have to deal with in another way. If it is real bad and you think it is a safety or health issue you might want to see if the local Health Department might help step in. APS might help if it is a health and or safety issue. Keep in mind that both of these methods might involve court action. If you are involved with her doctor appointments you can also discuss this with her doctor. Therapy and medication for the anxiety that will ensue might help
- how old is she? - are you her PoA? If not, is anyone? - has she ever been given a cognitive/memory exam by her doctor?
I'm assuming your question is about what to do, if anything. Helpful info for us would be if you are legally able to help her, because if not, you have to take a different path to protect her and improve her quality of life.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your mother is elderly, put in a call to APS and your state's Department of Social Services.
If she is considered at-risk then the court will appoint a conservator/guardian over her. It will likely be you or some other family member.
If she will not accept help, then you have to just leave her in the hoard. There's nothing you can do.
2) It’s not that prevalent
3) it can be active-accumulating
4) it can be passive- difficulty in discarding
5) it can be both
6) it can be genetic
7) FOR OCD a cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT) is mentioned with actions divided into three steps
A. Declutter while noticing if hoarder is passive or active
B. Group activities of shopping/discarding and talking through what is helpful
C. Organization
It takes at least 3 months to work through. Some take longer. (3 mos sounds like a miracle to me)
8) some of the tactics can be applied to the treatment of hoarding in brain-injured patients and patients with Alzheimer disease, frontotemporal dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases
So the first question is…Has mom always been a hoarder or is this relatively new behavior?
If not. Then has she been seen by a doctor to determine cognition issues?
The issue with her eyes makes everything worse.
The above is from the article listed below written in 2006 but had at least an approach.
https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/perils-compulsive-hoarding-and-how-intervene
His coordinator called me to say that she was recommending a group home for him. It won't be right away because a room is not available but I am thinking this is what he needs. Someone to oversee him. He is now 330lbs on a frame that should carry no more than 150 because of his physical problems.
I am too old for this.😊
I am so sorry that your nephew is having such a hard time and by default you. I have a cousin who has fallen off the deep end as well. It is very stressful. I hope he gets into the group home as soon as possible.
I feel for you. Hoarding is a terrible condition and causes so much stress in a family.
Sadly if a hoarder is deemed mentally competent, there is very little you can do. If there is a safety, vermin, fire or other obvious hazard, you can try reporting her to the local authorities.
My Dad is a hoarder. Old clothes, vehicles, bits of paper, plastic bags, clothes, photos, letters, containers, books and much more. I spent my weekend cleaning out a rat. mouse and raccoon damaged travel trailer that had not been entered in 20 years. 16, 42 gallon garbage bags later and I did not get the last bit out.
Dad lies in another place now and at 93, he would have kittens to know I had tossed his treasures. The trailer will be taken away this weekend.
Cleaning a hoard is a thankless job, expensive to get rid of the junk, not appreciated by the hoarder, it actually causes them mental distress, and often other family members are not around to help.
And if your Mom is hoarding and has no underlying dementia diagnosis there is likely nothing that you can do.
You can consider involving the county in investigating home for sanitation and such, but that will more than likely simply get a costly county order to clean out the house; if this is true hoarding that won't happen and you are unlikely to be able to make it happen.
You can call APS for a wellness eval which may lead to some diagnosis, but if there is no dementia, again, there is little you can do.
Sorry you are in this situation.
Hoarding is a mental issue just as much as a physical problem.
What you see as useless are "treasures" or items she will "need later".
My Husband had always been one to "find" things, "save" things but I noticed that as his dementia progressed that he began to find and keep more things. And he had never been one to toss stuff out I had the "luck" to have our sump pump go out so I was able to toss out a lot of stuff that he had been keeping but I had to put stuff in black bags to keep him from seeing what was getting tossed.
If dementia is not part of your mom's diagnosis it is hoarding and that you have to deal with in another way.
If it is real bad and you think it is a safety or health issue you might want to see if the local Health Department might help step in. APS might help if it is a health and or safety issue. Keep in mind that both of these methods might involve court action.
If you are involved with her doctor appointments you can also discuss this with her doctor. Therapy and medication for the anxiety that will ensue might help
- how old is she?
- are you her PoA? If not, is anyone?
- has she ever been given a cognitive/memory exam by her doctor?
I'm assuming your question is about what to do, if anything. Helpful info for us would be if you are legally able to help her, because if not, you have to take a different path to protect her and improve her quality of life.