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I agree that respite care is the way to go. People who haven't done hands-on eldercare themselves are completely clueless about how much work it is and how uniquely draining it is. You need a break. Your sister isn't going to give it to you so you need to find another way. Explore what insurance options are available and start arranging some support.

Good luck.
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You might contact the Agency for Aging in your area. There may be some resources-some day care, or respite, of visiting caretaker. I hope so. Your sister is a lost cause, it seems from your description. Shameless, in that case, but unusual. You might ask your sister if she has any suggestions to relieve you. What would she do if you were unable to care for your Mom. You are not a guaranteed resource indefinitely. If there are funds available, respite care in a nursing home is something you could try for a short interval (maybe overnight of some such). Mom might enjoy a change of scene even if she is shy and frail. Good luck.
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You can place mom in a Assisted Living facility for a week or so of Respite so you can get a break.
You can hire caregivers that will come in and help out.
Your sister made it clear 10 years ago what her boundaries are and she is sticking to them.
If you want a break, caregivers are the answer you will not get your sister to do this.
Mom's funds, if any should be used to pay for the caregivers or for the Respite stay.
If mom is on Hospice Medicare, Medicaid and most insurance will cover a Respite stay.
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rovana Oct 2021
Would sister be willing to help financially to provide respite? (No hands-on caregiving)
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