Any suggestions on who to contact or how to help a parent in cognitive decline... but also is still physically capable to move about. The house is cluttered (looks like an episode of hoarders to be honest ) and along with that she leaves uneaten food just laying around often. She doesn't really want help cleaning because she doesn't want anyone to touch her stuff or throw anything away. She really cannot manage her finances - she got her SS check on Monday and the account was -92.00 today. I offered to help manage and that lasted a whole 2 months and she asked for her debit card back and then when she has no money she gets "depressed" and just lays on the couch and/or starts biting off people's heads for no reason. We had a social worker come out, and for the most part she just offered resources to which my mother politely accepted but that was the extent of it. My question is do I have to wait for something really horrible to happen considering she still is basically mobile and still drives. According to the doctor her CT scan was fine and she did fine on the dementia test that they do. Am I just supposed to sit by and watch and hope for the best ? She does actually live alone but my daughter is temporarily staying there but she will not be there forever - She will more and likely be moving in a couple of months. How do you help a person who isn't agreeable to having help but needs it ? Oh and also there has been times where she has not paid utilities and they were either shut off or a cut off notice was issued, but she still could not pay it and my daughter or myself has had to pay the bill.
When a person is at the level of cognitive decline that your mom is showing, there is no way she should be driving. Due to the diseased state of her brain, her judgment is not normal, executive function is going fast, and she appears to be paranoid. Her doctor is clearly not administering the correct tests to define her type of brain decline and your path forward.
You and daughter have observed that she has cognitive decline, and you must stop her driving. How would you feel if she suddenly loses track of what she's supposed to do next as she's driving and ends up in a head-on collision where she dies (and so does the family she hits)? Or she doesn't die and is sued for wrongful death, vehicular homicide or some other charge related to the accident she caused? It happens all the time. She is now an impaired driver. Also, how much is she drinking? If she is, take away the booze. Alcohol can further impair her.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but since you are, do it right. Protect mom from herself - and protect others from mom.
Has she always been flaky, or irresponsible with money and paying bills? Or is this a new thing? You can insist on managing her finances and bills for her, and don't let her win the argument to have her debit card back. At least, that way, you know her utilities won't be shut off.
Your other option is to call Adult Protective Services and let them investigate, and take action if they think it is warranted.
Also, I don't like the idea of your daughter staying there with her temporarily. She is getting dangerously close to being sucked into a vortex of "taking care" of her grandma. It starts out small, then grows into something unsustainable before we even realize it.
But in the meantime you can call APS and report your mom and her horrible living conditions and allow them to come out and do an assessment and if need be take over her care.
Hoarding is a mental illness and is harder to fix as one gets older, and it concerns me that you'd allow your daughter to live in your moms filth. Surely there has to be a better option for her right?
And if you are not your moms POA than you have absolutely no say in anything she says or does, which is another good reason to allow the state(APS) to take over her and her care.
"She doesn't really want help cleaning because she doesn't want anyone to touch her stuff or throw anything away. " She IS a hoarder, which is a mental disorder triggered by trauma and sometimes age-related decline. You may benefit from consulting with a hoarder-specific therapist so you can form healthy boundaries and avoid getting sucked into the Rescue vortex that will burn you out.
One cannot force help upon an uncooperative person unless one has legal power to do so. If you can convince her to assign you as her DPoA then your only solution is to keep reporting her to APS and staying away (you and your daughter) so that a permanent, appropriate care solution will come sooner.
I'm so sorry you are in this situation. It won't be easy to stand by and watch this slo-mo train wreck but it truly is the only answer.