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I take care of both of my in-laws with Alzheimer’s. It has been a year since I quit my job and brought them to my home to keep them from a nursing home. They have been married 63 years, but she’ll need memory care and they will be separated, it’s a death sentence. I just had to try. But it might be the death of me... my husband works 3rd shift and an only child, So I basically have zero help or breaks. I'm getting so tired, its 24/7 with them both, we have cameras and alarms at night, I don't get much rest. But I always try to put on a Happy Face. I'm a positive person and love people, but I need resources for respite care, where do I find them?


I haven't been getting paid for care, but they do contribute to household expenses to ease things financially. I recently read I need a care giver agreement, they have some savings from the sale of a home (not a lot) which will make them not eligible for Medicaid when it is time... so I read I can get paid for taking care of them, but I must have an agreement in place to help spend down some of the liquid assets. But how do I do that and how do you know what to pay yourself.


They have Medicare. But I don't know much about it. Will they help me?

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Are either or both Veterans?
If so the VA may help out with programs they have and you could get paid for caring for them.
And depending on the time and location and type of service they may qualify for a LOT of benefits. the best thing to do is check with your local Veteran's Assistance Commission
You can also seek out the advice of a SHIP counselor. (Senior Health Insurance Program) they do not charge for the service and they are not beholden to any insurance company so they can look at the info you have about the medications they are taking, the doctors they see and they can let you know if the Insurance they have is the right one.
When setting up the care agreement and working out any "payments" or compensation be as generous but legal as you can be so that ALL the payments will be qualified as for "their care" that includes housing, food, supplies their share of gas, electric, water, cable....
Check your area for the "going rate" for a caregiver that does ALL that you do. If you need to get an idea what the cost is (and I think you will be shocked!) call a few agencies and describe what you would want and ask for what those duties would cost per hour.
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Depending on your state you can have an elder law attorney draw up a PCA agreement which allows you to be paid out of the patient's funds. The state does not pay if they are on Medicare (except maybe in MA). Our attorney researched to pay range allowed in our state, and it is part of the agreement, which will have to be witnessed and notarized. Does your husband have POA? The POA will have to sign for them as they have ALZ.
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Yes. See an elder law attorney and have an agreement for shared living expenses done.
Anything else would leave them subject to accusations of "gifting" which would preclude Medicaid in future should they require it.

Get expert advice. Shared living expenses aren't payment and aren't taxable. Whereas payment is. So costs of heating, light, mortgage, upkeep, travel expenses, food, etc are all reimbursable.

Meticulous record keeping is required.
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"... I need resources for respite care, where do I find them??"

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging for resources.

Or, hire someone from a aid agency or Care.com

Also contact social services for your county to come do an assessment to see if they qualify for any in-home services.

You must talk to an elder law attorney, estate planning attorney and/or a Medicaid Planner for your home state. Do not make any assumptions about their qualifying for Medicaid.

Medicare doesn't cover "custodial" care. In most states Medicaid covers LTC only, which means the person is bedridden. Most states have a 5-year lookback on the application.
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Yes medicare will help u they have to go thru there doctor to get a referral then they will fill out paperwork and say they wanted you for there care giver u may have to sign up with an agency but don't know state rules
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Geaton777 Mar 22, 2024
Medicaid, not Medicare.
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Have you spoken with an elder attorney about your situation? Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area for guidance regarding their options?

I am so sorry that you are struggling with all of this.

Wishing you peace and I hope that you will be able to resolve this issue soon.
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