My mom has severe dementia. She doesn't make sense alot of the time with her words. Can not dress, shower or fix food for herself. Wanders around in the house and finds it hard to sit still. Is afraid to ride in the car due to thinking the sky is water and she is afraid of water. Thinks people are telling her things to do, she says that lady told me to do that. Looks at magazine pictures and talks to the people and even kisses some of them. Eats only the same few things daily. Was always a picky eater but now not recognizing some foods. She does eat because I fix the same things she likes, not sure she would eat in a facility. If she doesn't like it she wont eat it. So many things she will not eat now that she use to love. Basically her meals are pancakes for breakfast, maybe a hamburger from fast food and peanut butter toast with honey and cinnamon and apple sauce for supper. Some cookies and candy. Still drinks water but needs reminders. Needs help going the bathroom, but still knows she needs to go. Gets ornery and says don't tell me what to do. She is not always in reality and it has been difficult these last 2 years. She is afraid to sleep by herself and constantly is looking for me. She doesn't always listen to me and that frustrates me, because she is not in her right mind. She needs to be watched most of the day so she does not put 3 shirts on and 5 pairs of socks and underwear over her pants. Puts shoes on the wrong feet. She tried to touch hot iron and just doesn't know things anymore. I slept with her every night for the first year she was with me, she would try to get up in the night and wander around. Now I sleep with her until she falls asleep and wake up at 6am and sneak back in her bed. She has this blank stare and doesn't blink just stares. That does scare me. She is still in good health besides not liking food, but if she doesn't like their food Im afraid she won't eat. Thats what scares me the most. There isn't really anything she would eat at a restaurant she is just that picky. She needs constant watching is that even possible? Let me know your thoughts as I am trying to medicaid approval for somewhere.
Sue: Carol just wrote a wonderful article on Validation Therapy. If you google that term, you'll get several useful articles about what that is. You may need to validate your mom's reality (this is likely the technique that they'll use in any facility she'll go to). Yes mom, you need to pick up the kids, but we have time for lunch first, let's eat and then I'll take you to them. Get her a baby doll to hold. Find out more about Alzheimer's and read up on the techniques that will help you. Bless you.
Though it's honorable to take on the responsibilities you have, what would your mother want you to do if she was in her state of mind prior to the Dementia? I'm sure causing you ill-health, taking care of her would not be the answer. That being said, it is difficult to make the decision you presented. Nursing facilities are staffed with multiple individuals that can watch or monitor activities and medications in a secure setting. Centers with secure Alzheimer units are staffed at a higher rate than other levels of long term care and have specialized training, but you will not find one-on-one care. Change is difficult to Alzheimer's patients but when a routine is established, they can function rather well under a physician's directive.Her diet and weight would also be monitored.
If you choose to look at placement, remember your goal is to get her more specialized care that she would benefit from and cannot get at home. I also caution people to realize nursing homes can't preform miracles, people continue to age and accidents can happen anywhere. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease and as the dementia progresses, other symptoms my develop. Some become more aggressive and others may be completely lost in their own home which could be a safety factor.I would suggest you join an Alzheimer's support group so you can visit with others going through the same experience as you. You're not alone!