I am packing up Parent's house solo. They both passed in 2022: My Dad in Jan & my Mom: day after Christmas. Diff emotions around both. Working thru via articles, YouTubes, chats with my Sister, almost daily. My Mom is hopefully at peace now. Decades of Alcoholism, Mania, Borderline, NPD...tail end Early Onset. Damaging behaviors. She was never nice or close to the Stepsis & 2 Stepbros.
She passed in their home via accident. She was not limber & had a fall. Only 79. Had she been exercising ...would have had years ahead of her.
I used to share selectively that she was a Hoarder but not quite what you see on TLC. You could walk in & out of every room, but every drawer & closet was jam packed. Well, that is an understatement. Shocking to say the least. Rude awakening every day I am there. I have supplies & a system. To help my brain I make a "to do list." So much to take in & process. Before long I will have Junk King and another company dropping a roll off dumpster truck which I will have for a week...to dump trash into.
So, I spent 3 days there within a week.
Last Monday, spent 5 hrs there- up-back home (2 hr drive each way). This past weekend, I "worked" there on Fri 5.5, stayed overnight in a hotel, and back up for 5 more hrs on Sat.
Every drawer & closet & cupboard is chalk full of items that don't go together... could not even walk into her master closet: clothes piled high on the floor-many new-with receipts, bags, tissue paper...greeting cards-boxes of them. To clear & properly bag the floor contents will take countless hours. And, every drawer I open has notes, and toys, and a hard candy, rubber bands.. an important document or 5. So, I have to sift thru everything with a fine tooth comb.
Wild insight into her mental illnesses-NPD mindset. A tough physical job I have in front of me: pull together what is trash, what is donate, what is keepsake...
I keep one foot in front of the other. If she watching me do what I am doing...she would be screaming & cussing at me. "Do not touch that drawer. You are so intrusive." My Dad would say "Wow. Thank You Dear. You are welcome to help anytime!"
Not letting my Sis & her Hubs come out from AZ until end of next month to help. One of her Daughters is about to have a baby. I am good doing this grunt work, but it is physically & mentally taxing.. You all would be shell shocked. Back up on Thursday for the day. Back that night. I will do a hotel stay once a month so I can do 2 days back to back.
No rush on it, and yet the sooner I get done, I can put more of this behind me ...and feel more free. I still feel in chains. She would love that....
I did the trash/donate/keep and might be important! piles. In ONE WEEK. 30 years of their stuff (dad died 2015). Bagged!! Gone! Moved! Cleaned house! Paid cleaners to come in and sanitize (Covid ya know)
i feel badly occasionally about a few things I tossed that were nostalgic to her, but at 90, hospice and dementia symptoms, she doesn’t need or remember most of it :(.
I did put a bunch of tchotchkes (crystal art paperweights $$$) on a table and last day I invited neighbor friends to take as remembrances, along with her beautiful outdoor potted flowers. That made me feel better
i had hired a junk company to remove stuff I had bagged/demolitioned. THAT was best money I spent. Saved me time, exhaustion and bodily injury!!! Highly recommend. 100 trips up/down stairs was easy for young men.
Good luck. You got this! You will get it done eventually, take breaks, don’t beat yourself up if there are days you skip or give up early
REPEAT: YOU. GOT. THIS.
If you have anyone in your family with hoarding/collecting tendencies watch them like hawk. Do not leave them by themselves. Their addiction will kick in and they will help themselves to what ever scratches that itch. I caught a family member sneaking stuff into their car when I cleaned my parents house out. It was a hard yet eye opening lesson to learn.
Good luck!