He is at a stage where he is trying to escape and is now falling and getting hurt. Police have picked him up several times and brought him home - so this has been documented. If he should get seriously injured or worse hit by a car and killed, would my husband, the POA, be liable? The parents should be in a care facility, not safe for them to be in their home alone but I have no authority.
Failing that you can now get beams that when he walks through will trigger an alarm again you can record a message.
You can get a GPS tracker so that if he does get out he is very findable and very quickly findable. My daughter works for the police and just before Xmas they found a woman who had escaped from a care home. Now bearing in mind this woman walks with a frame AND the frame was still in the home, she was found 3 miles away - no-one knows how she got that far but the police didn't think she had an issue with mobility - they knew she had dementia - the nightie and dressing gown was a big giveaway. She was very poorly because she had got cold but had she had a tracker they could have picked her up in a matter of minutes.
With door alarms you can get extra long distance ones, so that if a neighbour is keeping an eye for example they will be alerted - I think top range is about 3/4 mile
A huge stop sign on the door might help - you can get specialist guardian door locks but not for an external door - anything that totally prevents the person's egress is a fire hazard, what you have to do is minimise the risk. Once they are out of the house though you can prevent them going out of the gate because the fire risk is diminished.
POA's duty of care extends to health decisions or finance decisions or both but since they can be rescinded at any time I doubt whether a charge would stick. However the duty of care that we all have as citizens makes it appropriate to talk to people and let them know what is going on and ask for help for loved ones.
When my cousin began wander, her doctor ordered Secure Memory Care immediately. As her POA, I was relieved and promptly had her transferred there.
All the same, you need to persuade your husband to check out different memory care facilities.
Put your father in laws safety first. Check out the medical insurance and see what it covers.
The question you have to ask is, if your capacity to assess risks and safety was gone; would you prefer to be at continuous risk like being run over, or would you prefer to be somewhere safe.
We have a Memory care facility in our neighborhood. Probably once a week, some resident sneaks out and this staff is really sharp and on task--the wanderers "sneak into" a group of people who go there to sing to them, and pow, you have a runner. There's one gent who escapes, walks about 100 yards and back and comes back to his room. He just needs to be free, I guess, but even though he IS wearing a "monitor" it cannot be heard over the sound of the doorbell (alarm) going off as we come and go.
I'd hate to be his POA.
Probably differs from state to state.
As an individual you are responsible for yourself driving, and thus liable if something happens. If you are a POA, you have vicarious liability.
As far as drama removing the keys, ring the police and show your POA documentation and why you have POA (i.e. parents dementia). They will assist you in removing the keys with no drama. Report your parents illness to the Motor Vehicle Department, so their driving licence is revoked.
Do you want to be responsible for someone being killed with the car?
Mother FINALLY stopped when she had her hip replaced and required the use of a walker, 24/7. Brother made her show him how she would maneuver that and herself into the car. She couldn't even begin to do it, so the car keys were taken and she figured out other transportation. At first she was beyond furious, as I am sure anyone would be--that's the last "freedom"! But when we asked her how she'd feel if she hit a child or caused a serious accident--she saw the light.
Sometimes it just takes a good talking to--sometimes you have to take the car keys or put a lock on the steering wheel.
Parents never expect money when they raise you from birth to adulthood, so why would anyone do the same for caring for a vulnerable elderly parent, just to save money on much needed care. We are past the times of Charles Dickens with Oliver, surely.
Put their health and safety above money.
If you feel you have no say over this and you fear the worst, then report it to the relevant authority anonymously if you're worried about comeback.
In the U.K. we have Social Services for the elderly and disabled, as well as for children.
I'm confused why your husband was given POA for your parent though. Is your husband controlling at home and appears like a saint to outsiders. If so, report anonymously. This is your parent after all.
How would you like your children and their spouses to treat you. Set an example, otherwise you might find yourself in the same crappy situation as your parent.
Let's just NOT focus on the inevitable serious injury or killed by a car.
Get your parent placed safely now. Focus on getting the care he needs unless the POA has everything to gain by doing nothing. imo.
I'd also explore protecting FIL's assets. If FIL wanders into traffic and causes others to get hurt, the injured or estate of the victims, may seek damages from FIL. The fact that the had dementia may not preclude him from liability. There are so many liability issues that could be possible. It sure seems like a risky thing to sit by and allow to happen. I'd get legal advice PRONTO and treat it as an emergency.
Since your Dad is in the wandering stage of dementia, he really needs to have around the clock care. Either by hiring caregivers in 8 hour shifts, or having him move to Assisted Living Memory Care where the residents are watched so they don't leave the building. Both options are expensive.
Both you and hubby need to do something. Right now write down everything you are doing to help eliminate this situation. Even if it means, that either you or hubby spend time at Dad's home until other options are set into place. I don't know the legality for the Power of Attorney, but I wouldn't want to take that chance.
I am hoping that someone else with a better grasp of the law can answer this.