My brother passed unexpectedly Saturday. We were supposed to take my Mother to see him prior that day. Mom has dementia but is not fully forgetful. I spoke to the nurse in Assisted Living who knows her best after after 2 1/2 years with her. The nurse said that she has MANY moments of being fully clear and lucid and that we should gently tell her. I went to her and slowly eased into the subject. She did not cry but was so deeply saddened and upset. She went between sad and laughing about this or that. All in all she was okay. Since then she will either call and ask how we think Steve looked when she saw him Saturday (she did not) to expressing how wrong it is that he left prior to her as it is not the normal order. Not depressed.
My question to you is...when she talks about Steve in the present as if he is alive, do we let her believe it?
Guidance is welcomed here.
Thank you,
Marie
Lo' siento,chica.(i said i am so SORRY) for your loss, that's so sad he passed on making the transition to RIP in heaven, much earlier than planned, so that is always very sad. I pray tonight for his eternal peace, with our heavenly father, Amen.
About madre(your mother)
two things:
#1.) If mom is asking you directly where is Steve et.al..,
i would say gently lovingly, "Steve is no longer physically with us mom."
-
But, he is at peace. God has taken him home. I would not lie at all about it."
However, i would also remind mi parent,
"'But, Steve is still here, living through u, and me mom and all who loved him, and still do!"Steve is living through us each blessful waking day, we are thinking about him, and all happy rememberance of our beloved steve, keep steve ALIVE mom. That's how i would tell her." God bless u and you will be blessed for taking great care of your beloved mom, during her stages of this ALZ/DEM etc., and may your beloved loving sibling continue RIP but is living through you all who clearly love and miss him. God bless your loving mom, your family...and always take time for you, even if just a brief moment. GOD BLESS YOU.
adios.
Buenas Noches.(Good night)
Buenas Dias! Good day!
I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you, loosing your brother suddenly and having to navigate this major event for your mom while mourning yourself, I wish there were some words of wisdom I could offer but I just don't have them. Be sure to take time and care for yourself here too, this isn't all about Mom.
Hugs!!
I would talk about the good times and his great characteristics and how much you guys love him. Whether she is addressing it in the present or the past those things are still true and very real.
I am sorry for your loss. She is right, it is not the natural order of life but far to common. Hugs 2 u and mom.
But your situation is rather different. You have just lost your brother unexpectedly. Your mother has lost her son, and no one should have to "bury a child" as they say. As well as the difficulties of your mother's understanding, you have the immediate shock and grief of your own to deal with.
Give it time, let the feelings and information settle in, and then see where you are. If it's any consolation, you can't get this *wrong*. Saying what seems kindest and simplest in the moment is *fine.*
I do think it's important to let your mother talk about your brother, though, if it isn't too painful for you. Would talking about him as he was in life help you, even, I wonder?
This video might help you: http://bit.ly/2XxaIzF