Ok, so backstory: i’m the daughter and I are care if mom . I have two brothers. As of last September, they texted me that they did not want to help with the care of my mom whatsoever. They didn’t call or come for thanksgiving, Christmas, nothing. Today out of blue one brother called my mom and in my mom’s words “he said a lot of things she didn’t want to tell me.” And that he was coming to visit Sunday. What should I do or maybe nothing ? My dad died in 2020 and ever since my brothers only came to gather dads tools then act like mom doesn’t exist. But I know they are still her sons.
Did it turn out ok?
Or was it as JoAnn said, he wanted something.
I understand that you are upset about your siblings not seeing your mom but everyone lives their own lives the way they feel is best for them.
You don’t have any control over your siblings behavior. We don’t know anything about your brothers’ lives so we really can’t comment on this situation.
Focus your attention on your own life. Let your brothers deal with their lives. If they want to discuss anything with you concerning your mom they will do so.
I wouldn’t have any expectations from them since they have stated that they aren’t interested in helping you care for your mother.
Good luck
- Is Mom living independantly? Or living with you? If so, in your home, or you in hers?
- Is there any cognitive impairement?
- Does anyone have POA?
A caregivers can get taken advance of (either their time, labour, money) if others control things. Eg Control Mom's finances & refuse to pay for additional home help. Or control emotionally & insist on family-only care.
You can only manage your own choices for your own life.
They clearly have their own feelings about their mother, and it seems there must be some waters under the bridges over time, or they would feel differently.
There is nothing you can do about any of that.
You are there for your Mom and that should make you proud and happy.
Leave them to Heaven. (For all of those who remember the Jeanne Crain, Cornell Wilde film, Leave her to Heaven, in which Gene Tierney played such a "badie")
Is anyone her active PoA?
If she has all her cognitive capacity and no one is her PoA, they you don't need to insert yourself into this situation.
If she DOES have cognitive problems and someone is her PoA, then the PoA should be involved in this situation.
If you are getting this info from your Mom, and she has cognitive decline, she may not be telling an accurate story.