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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I know its always hard to come to an agreement with a sibling. I would try to compromise. Or even take a video with your phone of some of the places and take pictures to show your aunt and see what she says. Its always a good idea to include your aunt in the decision making process, but I also know its hard if she has memory issues.
Do not bring the elder on any tour of an AL. What should happen is the LO'S family member takes tours of these facilities; then he or she makes the determination what is best for the elder, including a contract.
With evaluating any facility, I recommend showing up unannounced/no appt. Why? Seeing is believing. Ask the receptionist for a tour and as she scurries for the Director use all your senses to size-up the environment.
Ferris--I beg to disagree. A person with dementia may not be able to "voice" that they are unhappy--but they certainly HAVE feelings. Plus, I would hate to see someone I loved in a substandard place just b/c "well, they have dementia, they don't notice". I've been constantly surprised by how much my elderly friends who are considered "long gone" with dementia remember and can call forth in conversation. People I haven't see in years have been able to talk to me by name and I have a VERY unusual first name. We're not living in their minds, we don't know what they suffer or don't.
I really do think it depends on whether she recognizes that she has memory issues or not. And, also, whether her memory issues have made her be kind or belligerent. My mother has anosognosia and thinks she is perfectly fine and, unfortunately, she is pretty belligerent. I took her on a tour of the place that I'd already chosen (without telling her) and she was annoyed that it took so long and was pretty rude about it. I've been told that my mother is in early stages, but she barely remembered the place when I moved her in. So...should you take your aunt on the tour...I've recently realized that sometimes my inclination to keep my mother informed and included only backfires on me. More stress for her and for me.
To add to my post above.... for my Dad, I found him a senior living facility that reminded him of a resort we all use to go to that was a Victorian type resort. Thus he was happy when we drove up to the place and commented that it had reminded him of that place.
The inside had a very large living room, numerous sun rooms with wicker furniture, and the halls were more like a hotel. Behind the building was a nice area with picnic tables, benches, and very nice landscaping. Also a library, and a TV room for when the guys wanted to watch football. Plus a common dining room with table cloths and menus. Yes, the place was expensive but Dad had saved of such a "rainy day".
Thus, finding a place that would remind your Aunt of a place she had enjoyed in the past.
I agree. No. It is only agitate her and what difference does it make? One looks about the same as the other, the prices only change. People with dementia do not care what a place looks like.
Maybe use the approach of looking at these places before she needs it. If she thinks she has no problem now, go with it. Tell her she needs to decide before she gets a problem. That way you'll know her wishes while she can still decide. She may fall for it. It certainly won't hurt to try.
I sought out 15 different AL facilities. I took pictures to show mom what they looked like. The doctor said she could no longer live alone. I took her on different days to 4 of them. I saved the best one for last. She loved it! We had lunch there and a tour of the facility. It took her 2 months to finally say she was ready to move. She couldn't take care of her house anymore or herself. Once she was in AL, she told me to stop coming every day because she was just fine. They filled her days with exercising, bingo, puzzles and lots of other activities. They kept her busy and even though her mind was going fast, she liked going to different activities throughout the day.
This may help: For example at our ALF (group home) we offer adult daycare. Some people suggest to their family member that they'll be less isolated and have things to do, if they come to be with us in the daytime, and they need not make the leap all at once. First they come in the daytime, and get a chance to settle in gradually, seeing it's a nice place and the caregivers are attentive, there are activities and so on. They have help and need not feel anxious alone while family members work. Down the line, there will be an opening. It helps all involved, as the better places (smaller is better for several reasons) won't always have openings for residential care. Rather than place her in a large place (remember, just because someone drove a car last year, they did Not live in a hotel or hospital) People live in Houses, largely or in apartments. Some have already downsized from a large home to a small apartment as widow(er)s. Others live with family, and guess what, None of those places is Big, with a lot of unfamiliar hallways and people always in the common areas, that they don't know. This can Cause more memory issues, as the new resident of the large ALF is feeling lost and anxious. What do they typically do? Give them sedatives, and even anti-psychotic medications. In the Small group home setting, you'll be consulted more and you can meet their doctor, who comes to our home once a month. I went through a few, until finding one who's on my page with Natural treatments, supplements when possible and not drugs with side effects. You can learn as well, as the small place has time to help you encourage your loved ones to eat healthier and to be calmer and happier with the move. I hope you find just the right place. Doreen from Angel House in south Florida
When you say your aunt is in denial about her memory issues... is she resisting moving to AL altogether, or is she happy with the idea in principle but doesn't agree that she particularly needs help?
Either way, I agree with everyone else that you and your sister need to do the initial reconnoitring. Apart from anything else, you don't want your aunt freaked out by a facility that turns out to be absolutely vile - reeks of urine, or has semi-naked residents bent on escape round every corner, or trolleys with uneaten pureed meals left standing in the lobby.
But in terms of involving your aunt in the choice as far as possible, I'm with your sister. Narrow it down to three; take your aunt on a leisurely tour of each one, preferably having lunch there, and take notes; then a further visit of the preferred option to confirm that she's happy with it.
Wouldn't you want a say in where you're going to live? Being cognitively impaired doesn't mean you can't have an opinion.
We thought my mother was in denial about her memory issues, but it turns out she has anasognosia, meaning that the part of her brain that allows her to see her deficits has been impacted by the same disease that affects her memory. It helped me understand her seeming unwillingness to see things as they were was actually not under her control. She still thinks she's right as rain and will be able to again drive a car, live independently, get a job, etc. I agree with others here--find a quality place or two that you really like and know will meet her needs, and then bring her. But she probably doesn't see the need to move someplace so it might still be an uphill battle.
Agree with Cwillie. Researching and finding a good AL place is overwhelming and exhausing. Lots of research is necessary and the person(s) responsible for your Aunt must go there first and interview - ask loads of questions - look at the staff - ask to meet the aides - what type of living will your Aunt qualify for? You write 'memory issues'.. if she was officially diagnosed with Dementia, then some places accept a resident in their AL area and some, depending on how good (or bad) she is, possibly might need a facility that only offers Memory Care. I would do all the leg work and pick 2-3 places your Aunt can choose from so she is in on the decision. Good luck! :-)
SSS, you can also make it like a pre-view luncheon date. Most Assisted Living facilities will offer you and your Aunt a free lunch if you make an appointment to see the place.
Depending on the size of the resident's room, your Aunt may balk at the size of the room, unless the rooms are more like an apartment. Maybe your Aunt could start out in Independent Living if the facility has those, and if she can be assessed to live there. My Dad was more than happy to move into a really nice 2 bedroom apartment that had a full size kitchen, and large living room. It made the downsizing easier. He was tired of trying to keep up all the maintenance on his own home... he was ready to pack and move smaller.
Another thing that may bother your Aunt is seeing other residents with walkers and wheelchairs, especially if she is in denial.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know its always hard to come to an agreement with a sibling. I would try to compromise. Or even take a video with your phone of some of the places and take pictures to show your aunt and see what she says. Its always a good idea to include your aunt in the decision making process, but I also know its hard if she has memory issues.
scurries for the Director use all your senses to size-up the environment.
The inside had a very large living room, numerous sun rooms with wicker furniture, and the halls were more like a hotel. Behind the building was a nice area with picnic tables, benches, and very nice landscaping. Also a library, and a TV room for when the guys wanted to watch football. Plus a common dining room with table cloths and menus. Yes, the place was expensive but Dad had saved of such a "rainy day".
Thus, finding a place that would remind your Aunt of a place she had enjoyed in the past.
Down the line, there will be an opening. It helps all involved, as the better places (smaller is better for several reasons) won't always have openings for residential care. Rather than place her in a large place (remember, just because someone drove a car last year, they did Not live in a hotel or hospital) People live in Houses, largely or in apartments. Some have already downsized from a large home to a small apartment as widow(er)s. Others live with family, and guess what, None of those places is Big, with a lot of unfamiliar hallways and people always in the common areas, that they don't know.
This can Cause more memory issues, as the new resident of the large ALF is feeling lost and anxious. What do they typically do? Give them sedatives, and even anti-psychotic medications. In the Small group home setting, you'll be consulted more and you can meet their doctor, who comes to our home once a month. I went through a few, until finding one who's on my page with Natural treatments, supplements when possible and not drugs with side effects. You can learn as well, as the small place has time to help you encourage your loved ones to eat healthier and to be calmer and happier with the move.
I hope you find just the right place.
Doreen from Angel House in south Florida
Either way, I agree with everyone else that you and your sister need to do the initial reconnoitring. Apart from anything else, you don't want your aunt freaked out by a facility that turns out to be absolutely vile - reeks of urine, or has semi-naked residents bent on escape round every corner, or trolleys with uneaten pureed meals left standing in the lobby.
But in terms of involving your aunt in the choice as far as possible, I'm with your sister. Narrow it down to three; take your aunt on a leisurely tour of each one, preferably having lunch there, and take notes; then a further visit of the preferred option to confirm that she's happy with it.
Wouldn't you want a say in where you're going to live? Being cognitively impaired doesn't mean you can't have an opinion.
Depending on the size of the resident's room, your Aunt may balk at the size of the room, unless the rooms are more like an apartment. Maybe your Aunt could start out in Independent Living if the facility has those, and if she can be assessed to live there. My Dad was more than happy to move into a really nice 2 bedroom apartment that had a full size kitchen, and large living room. It made the downsizing easier. He was tired of trying to keep up all the maintenance on his own home... he was ready to pack and move smaller.
Another thing that may bother your Aunt is seeing other residents with walkers and wheelchairs, especially if she is in denial.