Can family siblings request my moms financial statements on a monthly basis even though I have Power of Attorney?

Hi, it's the 1st March 2017. I and my sister as our passed uncle POA at present being put through the most horrendous experience anyone could imagine.

Our preciousness Uncle in August 2014 had a massive stroke. His younger sister lives in America, and our mother his other sister lived across the road from Uncle Peter. Uncle Peter named myself and my sister as his POA. His sister in America was absolute furious that we were asked to do this. When our uncle had his stroke, I was living in Cyprus, I got an urgent flight back with my husband straight away as my aunt had requested me to do this. For years I had cleaned my uncle Peter home and our mother who as I said lived across from uncle Peter for 40 years had always had a key for his home. When I got back to edinburgh I and my husband went straight to the hospital to see my uncle, he was very unwell. So over the next 5 weeks I visited the hospital every day spending 6 to 8 hours a day consorting uncle Peter, my sister Susan visited every night also traveling 60 miles a day.

Our aunt from America, our mother sister arrived 6 weeks later, as Uncle Peyer flat was empty and it was just across the road from her sister, me and my mum thought it would be better if our aunt stayed in our uncle/ brothers flat. So our aunt arrived from America, staying in her brothers flat. I went to pick her up the day after her arrival as my sons had invited us over for dinner. When I arrived to pick my aunt up at my uncles flat, she had opened his personnel documents, which held his will and his POA. The reason I know this as the documents were lying on my uncle table, she never mentioned anything to me that whole day that she had found his will and his POA.

The following day the Monday she called our uncles lawyer to see if she could have myself and my sister removed as POA, the reason I know this is that our uncle lawyer told us this. She then proceeded to change the locks on our uncle flat. She said that the lock was faulty, if that was the case why didn't she give my mother a copy of the new key, and why was she not more transparent with her actions.

Our aunt locked us all out of her brother flat, as she was the sole benifishery to our uncles estate and the sole exector. We had to have lawyers letters sent to our aunt at our uncle flat, so we could gain access to do our job as POA, she refused us access to his flat it was only after 2 lawyers letters were sent and she was going back to America that she gave us access to our uncles flat. As you can imagine our mother was appalled by her sisters behaviour. While our aunt locked us out of our uncles home, she made a full intinary of ever single item in her brothers home.

Our aunt went back to America after causing mayhem to the family in Scotland, never to be seen again until 20 months later. She came over to see her brother, I forgave my aunt for her behaviour but my mother did not. When our aunt came back to see her brother some 20 months later, she asked me if she could as her brother exector book his funeral, I said yes off course, so she did and paid for it in full, telling the funeral home in edinburgh that if anything happens to her brother they were to take instruction from me.

I'm now going to go back to when myself and my sister as our uncles POA, what we had to deal with on a daily bases. Our mother and our aunt asked that as our uncles POA there brother never ever be placed into a nursing home. But in order for this to happned our uncles flat had to be fully adapted to meet his now requirements. That meant me giving up my life in Cyprus and having to return back to edinburgh. But I loved my uncle so much this seemed a small sacrifice to make, even though the financial difficulty we had to deal with also on making this sacrifice. Any way we did it myself and my husband returned from Cyprus to assist with the works that were required to make our uncles flat liveable for him to return home.

We did all of this over 5 months, whilst visiting uncle Peter every single day in hospital, for hours every single day myself and my sister took our uncle waning home also every day, at night doing wading all night that was soiled with human wast, months and months of time our lives, then meeting with doctors Occupational therapists, meeting with care companies, trying to get the right care company to look after uncle Peter at home, we gave up our lives.

Our uncle was a very wealth gentleman, and we made sure he had the best of the best in his last 24 months on this earth.

We had full POA no restrictions, our uncle trusted us impeccable, it's a pity our aunt didn't.

She has served a citation on myself and my sister, to provide accountability for every penny we spent, over the last 2 years.

We bought our uncle a car, so we could take him out safely, the car had to accommodate a wheelchair and Zimmer. The car had heated seats Uncle Peter loved his car. Had we waited for a disabled car the waiting list was 3 months, he needed to get out from hospital ASAP as this was a Hugh benefit to his health and well being. Uncle Peter had to have 24 hour care in place to stay at home. He only had a 1 bedroom end flat so the care company only available had x3 different carers coming into his home ever day, he absoluty hated this all these different people coming in and out his home every day. This care company cost per month were £10,500.00 for 28 days care. We had lots if issues with this care company, sending staff that could not speak English, them not looking after our uncle properly. My sister Susan did all the daily shopping every day visiting uncle Peter for 4 to 5 hours a day travelling miles to see him every day.

Susan was on call 24 hours a day 7 days a week, had no social life what so ever and my aunt is questioning the salary she was paid at 10 per hour.

We gave small gift to the family from there beloved uncle, which it said as his acting POA we could do.

When Uncle Peter passed, on October 11th 2016, my son called the funeral home, the information that my aunt gave me as she had booked and paid for the funeral. The funeral home duly came and collected Uncle Peter in the middle of the night. The next morning my son again called the funeral home to confirm that they had his Uncle, he said yes I believe my aunt has already arranged the funeral. There reply was no she cancelled it.

Our aunt then not 36 hours after or uncle death locked us out of his flat, we haven't even got our uncles passport to register his death.

I don't know what's going to happen to me and my sister, all we ever did was love and adore our precious uncle, it breaks my heart that our aunt is using our uncle money to do this to us.

I'm now being placed into debt, by myself and my sister having to hire a lawyer to defend ourselves for what we do not know. it is disgusting that this is allowed to happen, the only reason she is doing this is beacause she is in a financial position to do it.

Our aunt never attended her brother funeral, we had to arrange everything. She left her brother in a state of undress in the funeral home for 10 days, our mother who has little had to go and buy her brother a suit, shirt and tie and shoes, so the funeral home could dress him for people to go and visit him for the last time.

Oh, how I understand your plight. I too have DPOA over my Mom. I have had it for several years at her request. Even though my Mom is of sound mind and still independent living in her own home, she has me taking care of all of her finances as she no longer wanted to do it. Several of my siblings requested copies of her finances too and Mom said NO! It is between she and myself. Only one of my sisters has a problem with that and she has accused me of robbing my Mother blind. If that were true my Mom wouldn't be living in a house that she picked out and that I helped get her financed on. She also wouldn't have a nice car to drive or to pay any of her other bills. So NO you do not have to share that information with any of your siblings unless you Mom wants you to do so. As long as your Mom is of sound mind and you have Durable POA then they can request anything they want. They can get an attorney and try to change the arrangements you have with your Mom but that doesn't mean an attorney will file charges against either of you. More than likely an attorney will side with you.

If you have nothing to hide, then by all means let them see it. Given your position, I would have no problem letting them see it if I had nothing to hide. Being transparent where a loved one is concerned is key, so people who have nothing to hide or transparent.

* Just make sure they have no access to any of the money and don't let them have their names on the accounts or attached to any of the assets.

if your poa everything is up to you they dont have a leg to stand on let them get a lawyer it will be a waste of money on there part as they will get told they have not a leg to stand on thats why poa are appointed so poa can make the desissions on behalf of there loved onesyou dont need to show them nothing or move her

If he's got advanced Alzheimers he'd nod to snorting cocaine. But it might be a good idea to consult a doctor anyway, preferably the family GP. Or what about calling Kaiser - they must be mandated reporters, surely - and raising concerns there? You don't need authority to act to remind them of their legal duty to their client.

It seems to me that if he can indicate that he's had beer, he can nod or verbalize yes, he wants a doctor to check him out.

It doesn't sound as if he can consent, though, does it, do you think?

DM was living with her mother until her mother sadly died in November. In November, sister moved in with Dad at his house without informing DM - so presumably the parents were no longer together? And so who was caring for Dad beforehand? - it just crosses my mind that his weight could conceivably be up to 145 lbs, rather than down to 145 lbs, for example.

There is now in-home care, but how long has that been in place?

DM, is there a family lawyer who dealt with the trust and so on? Could you perhaps start there for advice?

We don't know much, and neither does DM. Is he going to trust what sister tells him about dad's medical condition? Probably not. She's removed, apparently, his Medical Proxy. Hence, having dad assent to being checked in an ER is one solution.

Just a minute.

We don't know over what period he has been losing weight, or what other conditions he may have, or how long it is since Dmoveup last saw him.

D, I'm sorry for your loss of your mother, so recently, and I'm sorry for your anxieties about your father. Who was caring for him before your sister moved in?

Ask dad if he wants to go to the hospital to be checked out. If he nods yes, call 911.

I think my dad turned a corner yesterday but unfortunately I have a sister who believes the world revolves around her. She is the trustee for my parent's living trust. Yes, it hurts that mom chose her over me but that's her choice and I respect my parents. My mother passed away November 2016 from lung cancer. I was her live in caregiver. My father has Alzheimer's with aphasia. Aphasia affects the speech center. My sister immediately moved in with my dad to care for him at his home. I was not consulted. Dad is very sick now. I've been trying to see my father since mom passed but my sister has been very uncooperative. Her husband lives with her at dad's and suddenly dislikes me but won't communicate with me. I'm heart broken.

My sister has finally returned my calls and told me that dad has taken a grave turn. She asked me to see him. Thank God. I was thrilled and relieved to be welcomed back. My sister and her husband work full time jobs. I do not. I have ample time to be of assistance to my dad. Daddy cried when he saw me. I know he misses me. I miss him terribly. He is down to 145 pounds. He is a 6'4" man. She is starving him to death. Literally. I need answers. I need to know what power I have to care for him again. He is suffering a painful death. This discovery is devastating me. Yesterday she called Kaiser and removed my authority to act. This must be a part of her way of coping with the loss of the second parent. It's cruel and heartless. I've never seen this side of my sister. She and her husband are alcoholics. I suspected that they have been giving my dad beer. I was right. My dad confirmed this with his few words last week at a Super Bowl party. I showed up unannounced and they scattered like ants trying to hide the alcohol. It's like dealing with irresponsible children.
My questions are many. I know she is the trustee and executor of their substantial estate. Do I have the right to view the revocable trust? Mom's or dad's will? She still has not provided me with any financial statements or account balances, etc. I have no idea how she is handling this estate. How do I know that she's not spending the money on herself? But what about the ability to care for my father's medical needs? I have a copy of a DNR signed by my mother before she passed. But I have no document showing that my sister has the authority to act for my dad. I believe she has a POA signed but how do I know that includes the ability to act for my dad's financial AND medical needs? I need help.

My mother who is 85 took care of her mother for 13 years without any of her siblings help. She gave them copies of everything, put them on her mothers bank accounts and included them in every decision she made. If there was a question the 3 siblings meet at the attorneys office. All they ever did was try and take my grandmothers money. They took loans and constantly harassed my mother about paying their bills for them. My aunt on 3 occasions took large unauthorized withdrawals, diverted the bank statements to a different address then hacked into my mothers accounts online. my mother finally had a heart attack. I stayed with my grandmother while my mom was in hospital. My siblings and my mothers doctor decided the two old ladies couldn't be left alone. I got voted in to step in. i moved on the property, I paid rent and I worked 27 hrs a week without pay to help my mom and grandmother. my aunt and uncle had a fit.They demanded all kinds of things. my grandmothers attorney told my mother she did not have to account to them! plus my aunt had all the bank statements! Guess what ... now my grandmother died, she was 108 yrs old, they are making her account for every dime for the last 13 years!! my grandmothers savings had run out and my mother brother and sisters all pitched in! we loved our grandmother very much. no person from my mothers siblings families had even seen my grandmother for six years! all there is, is a tiny house for them to split 3 ways. They have spent over 40,000 dollars since june. Its awful! I just sent in 1200 pages of statements to them. What for? because they can. Keep good detailed records. Keep every receipt. See an accountant that can help set up the books for you. Right now they can cry all they want, you don't have to oblige them. Once mom passes, they are entitled to everything from the minute you got involved!!!! Good Luck...

I am interested in an accounting of my mother's financials. My sister is her power of attorney. How do I request this without upsetting her and putting her on the defensive. I just want to ensure that she has fulfilled her obligation without any misconduct.

Katame, you may not have kept every receipt but it is unlikely that there are no records. If an independent auditor were to go through them, what would be found? Would you, if you think about it neutrally for a moment, have anything to fear from such an exercise?

That's one way to look at it; because actually agreeing to it might be the easiest and fastest way to make this problem go away. N.b. if your brother wants it done, it's your brother who pays the auditor of course. And by independent, make sure he means independent as opposed to forensic and litigious.

But let's suppose he is out to get you. In that case, he would have to find evidence that you did abuse your POA - the Maserati in the driveway, the Facebook photos of your cruise round the Caribbean, that kind of thing. In other words, the onus would be on him to prove that you DID, not on you to prove the negative that you didn't.

For peace of mind in the interim, check with a specialist elder care lawyer. But don't despair, and don't stick your head in the sand either. Please update, hope it works out okay.

After five years of caring for her - in home - with progressive dimentia, my mother passed in February. She gave me financial and medical POA several years before she began to slip.the last time my brother was at all involved was when he brought her back early and said the following: " do whatever you think is right with her. I'm not looking for any money. I never expected any. Don't call me. It's too much for my blood pressure."
Silly us -- we took him at his word.he is now demanding an independent audit. Can he do that, and does there need to be accountability for that period? We did not keep receipts and records. We were just trying to stay ahead of the dimentia.
Not sure where I am with this. Can you help?
K

Janejones, don't let your sister intimidate you. Seems she has already managed to do this. Can you consult an elder attorney & ask that a letter be written to her asking she summarize expenses for Dad for x number of past years, along with details of her $$ compensations? You need to learn how state laws protect you. ALL the best~!!!

I'm having the same issues with my sister except for
SHE has our dad living with her and she DOES take money for his care beyond his own needs. I also take dad home with me every other weekend and during busy times of the year for her, I take him every weekend. For the first 3 1/2 years I did this, I didn't take any money at all from her and for the past 2 1/2 years I have take 'supply money' (hey she offered) I am not allowed to see any of his financial statements and after a huge family feud between her and my brother a few years back, I am afraid to even ask.

So, just to get this straight, you're doing ALL the caregiving and finances, and now your siblings want you to answer to them? What the h*ll are they doing of any value?

well sometimes a POA; DOES NOT GIVE ANYONE ELSE A CHANCE THEY WANT ALL CONTROL OF EVERYTHING I JUST WANT TO SEE MY MOM THEY ARE ALL BLOOD SUCKERS - BUT SHE HAS CHOSE TO TAKE THAT OVER TOO.

They can request whatever they want, but your mom's financials are private. Just because a person is incapacitated does not mean they want the whole family knowing their financial business. That is why she trusted you. You owe them nothing!

Fathertime, on the face of it that does seem the obvious solution, yes, I agree. But it misses the point that the reason for the complaints and the resentment is not fear of being found out in some kind of misappropriation skulduggery, but that the caring for the parent is plenty without a) an additional administrative burden and b) a common reason behind the sibling's asking for the verification - namely, that they very often then follow through with a whole series of further queries, challenges and second-guesses, most of which will be well-meant but misinformed.

In short, it's a pain in the neck, delivered by someone who shares little or nothing of the caregiving load and whose motives, while they may be honourable as well, tend to self interest. That's why we mind doing it.

Nevertheless, yes I agree: the quickest way to nip the problem in the bud is to provide the nearest thing to certified accounts that you can, preferably backed by a full care needs assessment to show why you're having to spend quite so much on laundry and skin integrity products. Photos optional.

To all of you family caregivers, here is a thought why complain about a sibling asking for verification, just open the books and give them a peace of mind. What do you have to hide? If caring for your parent is to much then there are MANY respite homes where you can search for a better solution. In general if you are worried about revealing facts then you got something to hide.

My situation is a little different, I had POA of my mother after she had Open Heart Surgery, she lived with me and my now ex husband, when he and I divorced my mother and I moved into an apartment (in her name because of divorce). So basically I cared for my mother for almost 10 years with little or no help from siblings and I was ok with that., now my sisters husband has been appointed POA (I was not informed of this, it was done behind my back), supposedly because after my son passed my mother didn't want to burden me any more. My sisters husband has only been in the family for approximately 5 years and does not know us or anything about our history except what my sister tells him (she is the oldest and has always felt she should be in charge), neither of them work (they do care for her two grandchildren (have adopted them and am proud of them for that), but do not work outside the home. I work full time plus overtime of anywhere from 9 to 19 hours per week ot). My sisters husband has made several snide remarks about "thanks for your TIMELY help", at least you help a little unlike the others. And when we were moving my mothers stuff out of her apt and into an assisted living, he sold the washer (which I paid for) and dryer (which mom paid for), he says mother paid me for it, she didn't., I at this point do not trust anything he says of does., this is why I am looking up to see if I have the right to get copies of all financial information. I was even supportive to my sister when Mom paid 3 thousand dollars to repair their vehicle (since she was being driven around in it all the time), this 3K is supposedly a loan. So please know that all siblings asking about financials are not just greedy and want more inheritance, some are just concerned about motives. I want my mom to enjoy whatever time she has on this earth, and hopefully she spends every last penny on HERSELF.....

Additionally, your mom's financial statements are private. I'm not even sure you can legally pass these around. It woulld definitely not be a moral thing to do.... That should shut them up.

They can request; you don't have to comply. It sounds to me like it would only add to your burden. In my mind, if they won't even spend a day with your mom, they don't deserve anything. Also, you have no legal obligation to them. Your obligation is to your mom. They could accuse you, but they would have to have grounds, which they don't. Check register and credit card statements are enough of a record that can be pieced together if need be later. I would try to dismiss this from your mind. Use part of mom's to hire outside help so you can get some respite. Sadly, your siblings are unavailable. If this baffles you, I'll help by explaining that people who feel guilty for not helping often do things like this to make a show of "caring." They don't. If they did, they would be with your mom. I'm so sorry they're putting you through this, but take heart that you're doing the right thing by your dear mother. God bless.

So I sent all copy's of receipts to my siblings only one of them is giving me major stress and is loving it! I am just wondering if she will not except this and ask for bank statements?? I have nothing to hide but she doesn't need to see my Mom's account?? Or does she??

I checked with my mom's lawyer and financial advisor since I have POA and he said I did not have to reveal any expenditures or bank statements to sibs. I did decide to send the financial advisor all the back statements after my sister threw a fit just do I could say I didn't have them. Plus she knows the lawyer will never let her see the statements. That saved a lot of stress and being threatened & bullied by my sister!

Your siblings do not have a right to see your mother's accounts.

Hello everyone! I am Enduring POA one of my siblings is giving me a lot of stress she asked for all the money spent on our Mother, so I sent copy's of all receipts spent on her. Do they have a right to see my Mothers bank statements because they would end up seeing her account number?

This is what you do make copy's of all receipts and mail it to them! Then sit back and wait! If they get a lawyer who cares just money spent from their pocket. If your Mom has not been deemed incapable by a GP and Psychiatrist then she has a right to stay where she wants to be. I am going through the same crap it is very stressful if you want to talk private we can.