Mom has vascular dementia. She is convinced she is fine, the Dr. is crazy, and I'm a controlling witch who is doing all this to her on purpose. Her DL has been revoked. This has been explained a thousand times. Finally, we 'lost' the key. Currently, we are 'waiting' to get a replacement key. Somebody come up with my next excuse!!!!! I don't know what to tell her anymore.
She won't go to her Neurologist or the Geriatric Psychiatrist. Refuses to go. Does anybody know if you can alert the police that she is about to drive and have them stop her? Are there legal ramifications for me if she somehow manages to get behind the wheel of a vehicle? I wouldn't put it past her to steal my car....she has stolen my keys before.
My mother is 5/8 blind with little peripheral vision. The DMV recently revoked her license and her doctor forbid her to drive but she keeps on. The police department told me that it's illegal to take anyone's keys unless you are on the car registration. I'll probably report her to the DMV (again) but not sure what they can do. I've offered to drive, given her the numbers of taxi and free services but she won't stop driving. She's become too frail to walk much or ride a bike.
My mother cites people in their late 90s who still drive but can't understand that they can see. She thinks the DMV is picking on her because she's old. She was never the brightest bulb in the pack, and it's worse now that she has dementia. She also has narcissistic personality disorder so dealing with her is great fun...
It's stunning and disappointing that it's illegal to take a person's keys if you're not on the registration. I think I'd rather fight that legal battle than one where Mom has gone and totaled her car or injured someone.
In my experience, if we helped him through one thing, then another would take its place. Then he would be obsessing about that. It just goes on and on.
He has not been happy for several years. We cannot do anything that will “make” him happy.
We are so worn out that we don’t feel guilty anymore. He is on three psych meds, and in a nursing home. He is at least more content than he was when he was in control of all those day to day decisions.
I just made these new excuses up now -- I hope one of them could work for you! :)
Like said, you will not get her to stop asking. Just try to change the subject. They get something in their head and they won't let go.
Are you the DPOA? Do you have the authority to sell the car and use the funds for her benefit?
Regarding your legal liability if it was your car she drove, it might be a good idea to get a record on file about the problem you have and what you have tried for control, plus asking for any further suggestions. It would back up the story you would tell if any liability question arose in future. One idea to create evidence might be to send a registered letter to her doctor, the police and the Department that registers your car.