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I have 2 thoughts .

1) Maybe tell the sister in law that due to future care costs , everyone needs to pay their own way and ask her to pay you back via Venmo so your husband doesn’t get upset . Let him think he’s treating.

2) If you think idea # 1) would not go over well , then find reasons to not go out with her as often. Have pot luck at the house so she ( and everyone ) contributes to the meal while you all visit .
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Reply to waytomisery
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I see the OP's side and I see Alva's too. My husband always picks up the tab where his brother is concerned. Early in our relationship that rubbed me the wrong way. He insisted his brother did so much for him when they were young. Ok. Now 25 years later and his brother has not once picked up the tab. It no longer fazes me as we keep our money separate and he can do what he likes with his money.

As far as the OP, if you are having financial issues you need to talk with the sister.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Its his sister IN LAW not his sister. Stop going out to eat if finances are an issue.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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pamzimmrrt Sep 10, 2024
I took it to mean the OPs SIL? The husbands sister. What did I miss?
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My husband is not demented, but he is a good guy and I'm a good person, so people often expect to much out of us, but we make a great team , I'm his bad guy , he is mine.

You may have to step in and deal with things like this, now
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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AlvaDeer Sep 10, 2024
I wouldn't take this from her husband. I would bet he ALWAYS treated his sister. I hope OP will let us know if this is now a cash flow problem or a new dementia problem.
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It is his SISTER, for goodness sake. Yes, you are the wife. But for me, my brother was the most important and steadfast and loving man in my life. The other men came and went. The latest has lasted 37 years, so that's not bad. Still, my brother was the man who told me "If I have a penny to my name then YOU have a penny to yours. I am ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU." And he always was. When he descended into Lewy's Dementia I returned the favor the best I could given my human limitations. Brothers and sisters, imho, at best, have a beautiful, joyous and unbreakable bond in which each wants NOTHING BUT THE BEST for the other. (There. You know my prejudices going in).

Honestly, this doesn't rise to the level of a problem of any kind in my own humble opinion.
If you and husband can afford to treat his sister when you go out then allow him to be the "big guy" he likely ALWAYS was. Allow him to treat. Let it be.

If however you and your hubby CANNOT afford to do this, then there are two SIMPLE CHOICES:
Either:
"Oh, Margaret, I would love for us to take you to lunch again, but money is so tight for us, and you know George; he just has to treat. I am so sorry we can't do it. How about we come to your for lunch or you come here. We'll have sandwiches and play dominos"
OR
"Margaret, George isn't comfortable with anyone else picking up the tab and it isn't something we can discuss now with his dementia. I am so sorry, but we just can't afford to go out picking up the tab all the time. We will have to cut the number of times we go to lunch in half and it sure isn't for any love of you. Please drop by whenever you can."

You know. The simple truth. And as dear Dr Laura always says "Just be polite".
May your problems ALWAYS be this small! That would be blessing enough for anyone.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If you don't have lots of money then have a talk with her privately. Tell her his Denentia is making him delusional and you really don't have it to treatvevery time you go out. Maybe stop going out?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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