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I just read todays postings. It may help some of you to read Tajann's previous postings. There is so much to her story. Her Mom is competent according to the Professionals. Tajann has no POA and if she did, its not in effect because her Mom is competent. Her Mom has always done what she wanted to with no regard for anyone else. There is no reason a SW needs to be dealing with Tajann. Her mother does not live with her, just visiting until her apartment was ready. By excepting to take Mom back to her house, she is excepting all the responsibility and she does not want that responsibility. And with good reason.

The SW needs to work with Mom. Tajann has told them from day one that Mom cannot come back to her house.
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Hopefully the OP has stuck to her guns. I put this in the “no good deed goes unpunished” category. Her mother had a house - the house was sold - an apartment was found but not ready to occupy yet - the daughter allowed her mother to temporarily reside at her house. Then came the hospital stay. The daughter has no obligation to take on her mentally competent mother’s care. The social worker team needs to do its job - not dump on the daughter. The daughter should put it in writing to the hospital so her mother doesn’t agree to an ambulance transport to the daughters house. Definitely unfair to the daughter and a sad conflict for her to have to negotiate.
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BurntCaregiver Oct 2022
Definitely get it in writing. If they send the mother in an ambulance tell them turn right around and head back to the hospital. They cannot refuse.
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Who is her POA, if she has one? Is that person able to assist with getting her placed temporily? Ask to speak with the social worker's supervisor to discuss your mother's options (and get your mother's POA involved in this discussion). Are you willing to assist with finding a place for your mom to live temporarily?
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JoAnn29 Oct 2022
OP has no POA. Her Mom is deemed competent. The SW needs to deal with the mother. There is a pattern with her Mom. She does not want to be involved. She has made this clear to the SW from day one.
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I’ve had to deal w this for my mother multiple times. In my experience, it’s up to you (even without POA, I don’t have it either) where your mother goes, not the SW. If you say your home is unsafe, and Mom can’t be on her own, she can be sent to rehab. The SW can give you names of area places, but then you do have to decide which ones you like (they usually ask for 2 or 3 choices in case there’s no room at your first choice). Ideally you’ll go check out the places but if you can’t, at least check out the facilities’ ratings and reviews on Medicare.gov. Also note that—at least in NY—if you tell the SW you will be checking out places, say in the next 3 days or so, they have to wait because they have to provide a safe discharge. However, Medicare won’t pay forever and health wise you don’t Mom to be at the hospital longer than necessary. Lastly, know that if she does go to rehab, they’ll tell you they have to assess her before saying how long they’ll keep her, but generally speaking (though I’m sure there are exceptions) Medicare will cover 100 days IF Mom participates in rehab. If she refuses (as my Mom ALWAYS did; 30 days. I hope this is helpful. Good luck!!
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JoAnn29 Oct 2022
You are not responsible for a parent. When No is the answer its then up to the SW to find the patient options. There is no reason for a child to get involved when the parent is competent. In this case, Mom is always doing what she wants. House should not have been closed on till Moms apt was ready.
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Firstly IF mom is competent ( and I haven’t seen the history of this situation so perhaps she is not ) then the POA doesn’t matter since that is not in effect . Secondly , depending on the laws where OP lives, there might be no choice in allowing mom back into home. This is because she might be considered to be a resident of that address . If there is an agreement of her contributing to the household monetarily then this could be considered as a rent situation requiring written notice and eviction proceedings. If she received mail or had this address listed as her “home”, again it is established that she lived there and could take lengthy court proceedings to remove her legally . In some places if she has belongings inside , preventing her from access is grounds for a case on her behalf. Depending on your locality , she may have right to come back inside , as her residency could have been established by merely have lived there for as little as two weeks. It seems crazy but check on the laws in your state for guidance. If she is deemed competent than you still would not have legal obligation to take care of or arrange care for her , thus it is still an unsafe discharge in that way.
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Becky04469 Oct 2022
A POA can be in force even if Mom is competent. Not all POA's are springing or based on competency.
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get a elder care lawyer. dont take her home youll be in a worse position. things like this is happening now because of poor staffing issues since covid. you gave good replies.
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BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You did a good!
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They released my sister-in-law to my niece when she had a stroke, couldn’t speak or move and was mostly blind. My niece had a young family a full time job and a husband. There was no way she could take that on.

It was like a game of hot potato after that, eventually she got her in a home where a couple took care of her and was paid for by the state.

Do not except responsibility bc they are just moving her out. Certainly help find her new long term accommodations.

Once you take her they will disappear, at least while they have her they will help find her a real place to live.
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JoAnn29 Oct 2022
In your niece's case she could have refused telling them she could not care for her mother. The SW would then need to find a place for Mom. You cannot be made to take someone into your home. Once you take that person, its ur responsibility. Niece could have requested Mom be sent to LTC and they would have found an empty bed.
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Just so some of you who may be unaware, OP created another thread 9/27 stating the SW was going to discharge mom to a homeless shelter if she didn't take her. We all encouraged her to let them do that. OP hasn't updated since.
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CTTN55 Oct 2022
I bet she was bullied into taking her mother in. Ugh. Wish she'd come back to update!
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Tajann: It is IMPERATIVE that you state to the social worker OR her supervisor (if it comes to that) that it would be an unsafe discharge to your home. My goodness; that's rich - the social worker didn't involve you for days and now says your mother is being discharged to your home?! No way that that can or should happen. You have a separate thread here on the forum where you state that the SW was going to discharge your mother to a homeless shelter.
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It would be really, really nice if the OP would come back to update us about what happened. It's very tiresome when lots of people spend lots of time responding to repeated posts from a person about an ongoing situation, only to never hear from them again. There are 40 responses on THIS POST ALONE, and no update from the OP. There are 11 responses on the discussion post about the SW wanting the mother to be released to a 'homeless shelter', and no update from the OP on that post either.
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gladimhere Oct 2022
So drop it already!
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I notice a lot of posts that are questions are going into discussions. For me, these could get missed. On a tablet, there are a few posts and you need to scroll down passed these posts to go to Discussions. I have to make a point to keep scrolling before I click to next page. So I miss things. I read from the site, don't do emails.

I have a feeling Tajann got strong armed into taking her Mom and now has her on her hands again.
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Get the supervisor involved. Make it clear that "mom" can not come home to you. Make phone calls and work with social services to get her placed appropriately.
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You don't have POA so that makes you unable to make some calls to tell the Social Worker that you have found a place that you think would be great for your mom? Sorry, you want to dump her on someone else because you have some serious unresolved issues with your mother. I very much hope that whatever it is that you will be able to make up with her before it is too late. That is a whole other level of grief and distress for you in your future. I pray I have misjudged but I know from whence I speak.
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mstrbill Oct 2022
You have no idea what you are saying and you haven't familiarized yourself with the back story. She is not "dumping" anything or anybody, and it is not her responsibility to put herself through hell with the mother.(again, you haven't read the history here)
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Sle, so, you are saying that the mother can treat her daughter anyway reprehensible way she chooses and the daughter is supposed to roll over and take it?

Tajann has put great effort into being there for her mom and mom continually kicks her in the heart, tears her down and mind ---KS her.

How would you recommend that a one-way relationship be healed? Should Tajann let herself be destroyed so she has a relationship? Seriously, what do you recommend besides just being a doormat for someone that, obviously, doesn't have any love or care for anyone beyond herself?

Or are you one of those mothers?
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