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Due to his unusual forgetfulness, I suspect my 79-year-old husband may have dementia. The doctor has scheduled a brain MRI and then maybe a cognitive test. If he is diagnosed with dementia what are my next steps? We have no kids but he does have a younger brother; do I inform him? (I've already warned him of the possibility.) I also already have his Healthcare and Durable Powers of Attorney (as he has mine).
I just am so worried about what to do if he is diagnosed with dementia. There's no way his brother can really help; he still works full-time and lives 2 hours away as do all his nieces and nephews. Any advice appreciated, thanks.

Of course you can tell the brother. He deserves to know, if they are close.
Don't expect any help from your brother in law. Or any family members.

That just doesn't happen. Usually one empathic, caring soul ends up doing EVERYTHING. And the rest of the family let them.

You don't have to make any decisions now. Just get the diagnosis, so you know what you're dealing with. Then, take it day by day. No time for worry. Just live your life, as best you can. Until you can't any more. When this becomes more than you can manage at home on your own, it is time to look at Memory Care facilities or Skilled Nursing Facilities.
During this time, you can schedule tours of care facilities in your area. Meet with an admissions director, and decide what might best fit his needs. That could change in the future, but you will at least know what help is available.

If you are determined to keep him at home with you, then recognize when you need help and hire aides from a Home Care company.

After you get a diagnosis, learn all you can about the disease, so you have some idea what to expect. Learn ways of managing difficult behavior and how to interact with him on his level.

I'm glad you both got your healthcare and durable powers of attorney established before this. This is exactly what it is for.

Keep us updated.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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It does not cure any dementia disease, but getting exercise does help to clear away the tau tangles and amyloid plaques. As well as good restorative sleep, and eating healthy foods. Fruits, veggies, and good hydration. It is also important for you both to read, do challenging things that keep the mind sharp. My son is a neurological specialist, so believe me that all of these things are very important for keeping our brains healthy.

Best of luck to you both!!!
🙏❤️ 🍀
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Reply to Tiger8
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If you get an official diagnosis, you might want your BIL to know about it, but do not assume he will participate in financial or medical ways. Continue to make whatever legal and caretaking arrangements you need to make for yourselves as if there wereno relatives involved at all. If relatives choose to pitch in and help in any way, be grateful for their support. Start doing your own research about dealing with dementia. Alzheimers Association has excellent resources applicable to all kinds of dementia: what to expect, what to prepare for, things you need to do. Take advantage of this kind of information.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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If he is diagnosed with dementia, please add another POA for yourself.
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Reply to JustAnon
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I know this is scary and I'm sorry you're going through it.

Unfortunately, one of the first things you need to focus on is your joint financial situation, including the legal aspects. Make a list of every account. Gather the files and get all the passwords; sign into anything that needs two-factor authentication so he can get you approved. Have him introduce you to his financial people if there are any. Get the safe-deposit box key, if he has one.

Also, meet with an Elder Law attorney to advise you on what else to cover -- POAs (his AND yours, as Rosered pointed out), wills, beneficiary accounts, etc. Also ask about protecting your home, assets, and ability to qualify him for long-term care under Medicaid should that need arise in the future.

Are you close in age to him? Are you working or are you both retired?

Again, my sympathy to you.
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Reply to MG8522
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Nobody volunteers to help out a caregiving spouse with the other who has dementia anyway, it's a true rarity. You can hire in home help to give you respite, and you can place your husband in Memory Care Assisted Living when you can't handle him anymore if you have the funds. See an elder care attorney for guidance.

Stick around here for very useful guidance and help. Many wives are in your shoes, you're not alone.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Other people will provide more comprehensive answers. The one thing that pops out at me is the healthcare and financial powers of attorney. You should name someone else (that is, not your husband) as your agent in yours.
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Reply to Rosered6
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