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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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These are some good answers. If you can't get him to move, you may have to start by trying in-home care for him where he lives. It will be trial and error. If he has a close friend or pastor who can convince him that changes need to be made, that will help.
You and your dad are at a very delicate point in your lives. He is very aware of the changes going on with his cognition and may very well be fighting with everything in him to hold on to his independence and self-determination. He may perceive moving in with you as giving up all that he holds so dear. Please read Barbara Perman's book "No Easy Move." It is available on Amazon.com. She discusses difficult conversations, the process for assisting with change, and helps her readers explore some options that may be acceptable to the adult child (with concerns about safety and security) and more palatable to the elder with independence still intact. You are wise to start consideration making changes when you and your dad are not in crisis. Good Luck!
I hear you, Naus. It takes creativity to do what must be done sometimes. My husband reminds me I try to reason with unreasonable people, and that is next to impossible. Sometimes we have to take a stand, even when others don't understand. And somtimes our firm stand is very misunderstood by the one we're trying to protect. This can lead to other difficulties. Having walked this way for awhile, I am learning everything the hard way, as no one "trained me" for this position. I'm often accused of for caring: "Well, you're the one who volunteered for this!" (Said sarcastically, of coarse.) Caregiving is not for sissies. We become stronger in the doing, against difficult, and seemingly impossible odds.
Dear zacher, most definately, the mental stimulation, regular exercise and better food will help so much. The dementia will get worse, and acting now instead of later will make it easier on dad and yourself as well. I tried talking my dad into moving close to me for 7 years, and it didn't work, and I had no idea, the amount of damage that had been done to him financially, or the self neglect that took place. So I did the only thing I could do to help dad. You are on the right track in doing what is best for your dad, and people here on this site will give you so much support and compassion in your journey. Wishing you all the best, and prayers to you.
If you are going to be the live in, primary caregiver, please make certain to arrange some time just for you. Statistics indicate that primary, family caregivers of individuals with Alzheimer's Disease experience stress related illnesses at a higher rate and a higher death rate from stress related illnesses. Get some help and get to a support group, spiritual counselor, anyone to whom you can look for support. Some days with your dad will be fulfilling and make you glad you made the decision, others will make you wonder whatever were you thinking. Try to stay in the moment with him, maintain your sense of humor, and again, take care of yourself in all of it. Bless you for your loving hear.
Well zacher, it is not easy to talk a parent into moving in with their child. No matter how confused they get, they still think they can take care of themselves. Put yourself in their shoes and think how you would feel giving up your home and independence. Not good. And you need to be very sure that you want this move. Believe me it is not only a BIG change for your dad but also a LIFE change for you. How bad is your dad's mind. Is he a danger to himself and others. If he is not too bad yet you might want to take it real easy. Can you hire an agency to check on him each day? Does he qualify for Meals on Wheels? Is he a veteran? Is he on medicare? Look into Power of Attorney for health and finances. Talk to his doctor and make an appointment so you and your dad can attend together. If he is beginning Alzheimer's he might still have some reasoning power's left. i feel for you because i have been there. My dad lives with me and he has Alzheimer's.
Yes, tread lightly. Each person is different, and each reacts differently to the disease and disease process. My dad got real quirky, with bouts of anger, delusion, and then, catastrophic reactions. Then he got lost while driving, started wandering, and lost all inhibitions, and became innappropriate with women and children, and going in neighbor's mailboxes. He was losing his abilities to handle his finances, and making grave errors. It was heart wrenching to discover. If you haven't seen anything like this, rejoice.
Have you studied up on this disease? There is so much to learn, and it can be a long, long road. Local libraries carry lots of books on this subject, and your local Alzheimer's Association as well. Though it is different for everyone. They often need 24 hour care. This can be very difficult for one person, and can be draining emotionally.
You are brave to consider it, and compassionate to offer assistance. Count the costs, then count them again. Get wise counsel before you move him anywhere. What does he say? It's a terrifying scenario for some. There's lots of threads on this subject, such as: "Regret," "Don't Want Mom to Live With Me Anymore," etc.
How to convince him to move in with you? Depends on many factors. But if he is struggling with communication, remember, it's hard to reason when reason starts to slip. Sometimes you need to trust your instincts, and prayer helps. Take care.
You can't. Put yourself in his position. If he doesn't want to move, he doesn't want to move. Here's what I would do if he were my Dad: Hire a near-by (nearby-to him) to stop in daily to look in on him and care for his needs. Let him be as he is. I would not want to move in with my child/children so why should he? For YOUR convenience? If, however, things should get worse. Dementia has a way of increasing itself, and if he cannot, and I mean CANNOT eat, bathe, walk or go potty by himself, then ANOTHER decision can be made, but not until then.
Be careful before you make that decision to have him living in your home. Voice of experience here. Have you considered talking to him about having his own flat in a Warden Assisted block near to you ? Once you take on an Alzheimers sufferer - you will have no life of your own. You will have to tolerate changes in behaviour - violent outbursts - incontinence etc etc. Voice of experience here.
I do feel for you but please please think about it before you make the decision.
Yes, think about it. I thought about it too. Those that haven't been through it, even though they think about it, don't realize how it will truly be with them living in their home. I know I didn't realize how hard it would be until after I moved Dad in with me. But I still think I made the right decision in trying my very best, and to let my Dad know there was a safe and loving place for him with family, instead of strangers. If I didn't try, I would have always lived with the thought of "could I have made a difference?"
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
And you need to be very sure that you want this move. Believe me it is not only a BIG change for your dad but also a LIFE change for you.
How bad is your dad's mind. Is he a danger to himself and others. If he is not too bad yet you might want to take it real easy. Can you hire an agency to check on him each day? Does he qualify for Meals on Wheels? Is he a veteran? Is he on medicare? Look into Power of Attorney for health and finances. Talk to his doctor and make an appointment so you and your dad can attend together. If he is beginning Alzheimer's he might still have some reasoning power's left. i feel for you because i have been there. My dad lives with me and he has Alzheimer's.
Have you studied up on this disease? There is so much to learn, and it can be a long, long road. Local libraries carry lots of books on this subject, and your local Alzheimer's Association as well. Though it is different for everyone. They often need 24 hour care. This can be very difficult for one person, and can be draining emotionally.
You are brave to consider it, and compassionate to offer assistance. Count the costs, then count them again. Get wise counsel before you move him anywhere. What does he say? It's a terrifying scenario for some. There's lots of threads on this subject, such as: "Regret," "Don't Want Mom to Live With Me Anymore," etc.
How to convince him to move in with you? Depends on many factors. But if he is struggling with communication, remember, it's hard to reason when reason starts to slip. Sometimes you need to trust your instincts, and prayer helps. Take care.
I would not want to move in with my child/children so why should he? For YOUR convenience?
If, however, things should get worse. Dementia has a way of increasing itself, and if he cannot, and I mean CANNOT eat, bathe, walk or go potty by himself, then ANOTHER decision can be made, but not until then.
Once you take on an Alzheimers sufferer - you will have no life of your own. You will have to tolerate changes in behaviour - violent outbursts - incontinence etc etc. Voice of experience here.
I do feel for you but please please think about it before you make the decision.
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