The nursing home is taking my mother's savings. Anyone been through a similar experience?
The nursing home is taking my mother's savings. They want her to be on Medicaid. However, she won't be eligible because she used that money for payments with another nursing home last year. I took some of it for the bills. We had separate checking accounts when we lived together. I don't have enough money to pay all our utilities, rent, etc. without help from her checking account. We pay all the bills together. I contacted an elder lawyer and it was decided I will become power of attorney. Anyone have experience with these types of situations. Should I bring her home? She can't walk, uses a hoyer lift in the nursing home. I will get all this at home plus aides if I can afford them. My mother's money would go to them instead of a nursing home.
13 Answers
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With the laundry list of ailments you state your mother has, you are not capable of taking care of her at home.
Grow up, pay your own bills, and be self sufficient.
It sounds like you're the one who needs to go on Medicaid if you're not able to pay your bills without money from your mothers checking account, as that is her money not yours and should be used for her care and not to pay your bills.
Just because you may get to be your mothers POA doesn't mean that you get to spend her money on your bills or how you wish. It has to spent on her care.
If she lives in a nursing home there is no "Our bills, our utilities " she doesn't live with you, so ALL the house bills are yours alone.
HER assets are to be used for HER care. That is HER food, clothing, medical expenses and HER housing expenses. If she is not living in the house with you and you are using her funds that is theft, fraud, elder financial abuse.
A Skilled Nursing facility will not "take" savings. They are getting reimbursed for the care they are providing. Food, housing, medical care.
If you do not have enough money yourself to continue living where you are you have to find other less expensive housing.
If the house you are living in is in HER name and the house has to be sold since she is in a Skilled Nursing facility that money will then become HER asset and that will be used to pay for HER care.
Bringing someone home that has been in Skilled Nursing is not easy.
The caregivers that you say you will pay, using her assets will cost quite a bit. Most agencies will require at least 2 people if a Hoyer Lift is involved. So you will be paying for 2 not 1 caregiver. Depending on where you live figure $30.00 to 40.00 per hour for each give or take. Roughly $700-800 per day for caregivers $20,000-25,000 per month.
I can tell you right now if you plan on doing this all yourself and not having caregivers you are not going to last long. You WILL hurt yourself or mom, it is not a matter of if but when.
If there is carpeting it is difficult to move a Hoyer Lift.
If you have narrow halls or doors it will be difficult.
Unless you have a zero entrance shower it sill be difficult to shower her.
Some of the equipment can be provided and covered by Medicare, the doctor would order it.
Stop using her money, and you may have to pay back what you have used.
Find another place to live.
Leave mom in Skilled Nursing, that is what she needs, that is what is safest for her.
I was thinking of responding similarly until I read yours; you covered the issues so thoughtfully and precisely that I have to thank you for sparing me the time to do so myself.
You cannot care for her at home. You will need to change your life. Switch to a one bedroom apt. Cut back as much as possible. If you have cable, cut back to basic or stream. I use a "pay as u go" phone.
And yes, Medicaid will have Mom spend down her assets. Yes, her SS and any pension she receives will go towards her care. Even if she never had to spend her money on a Nursing home, Mom would eventually die. Maybe leaving you some money but would that have kept you for the rest of your life? Changes would need to have been made eventually, its just sooner than you expected.
I have no idea why a lawyer would think a POA would change ur circumstances. Yes, u would have the ability to handle Moms finances for her needs and care but you cannot profit from it in anyway. You cannot spend her money on you.
You need to get that application for Medicaid going. If you keep refusing, the NH can apply to the State to have a guardian assigned to Mom. The guardian will then take over Moms finances and make all decisions concerning her care.
So sorry you are going thru this.
You don't mean, do you, that you used money from your mother's account to pay for utilities, rent etc for a property that she did not live in? Did she give her consent to your having "help from her checking account"? - (please say yes).
Money she paid out to a nursing home, even if it turned out to be wasted, would not incur Medicaid penalties. Money she gave you for your living expenses would incur penalties; and if you just took it without consulting her you could be in very hot water indeed.
When are you seeing that lawyer?
As for should you bring her home: I can testify that it is possible to meet a person's needs at home, as in yes it can be done. It is a 24/7 job, physically and mentally exhausting, incredibly stressful, and unlikely to save you any money. In terms of hands-on care, do you know what you're doing? Would you know what equipment to get and where to find those aides? Have you operated a Hoyer lift yourself? Is there space for a profiling bed? Are you trained in moving and handling?
POA's don't get paid. It's can be a very thankless and stressful job, or it could amount to doing absolutely nothing for the person. POA's don't take a salary, that's why you have to be careful when you ask someone to be yours. It's asking for a lot, in many situations.
If your mom requires a Hoyer Lift, yes, those can be installed in homes. But I know in our situation with mother, if she had gotten to the point she needed a Hoyer Lift, we would have had to move her to a NH.
I think you need to take a step back and look at this situation. Do you really want to bring mom home to what will be a 24/7/365 job..to save a few bucks?