My dad recently died and my mom has dementia. My sister is not her guardian yet. I live out of state and would like to see mom moved to a memory care facilty in the near future. My sister's daughter stays with my mom but is not a professional caregiver. Just because my sis and I don't get along doesn't mean she shouldn't tell me what's happening with her. She recently blocked my number from mom's house. I threatend to call elder protective services if she didn't unblock it, and of course she did. She told mom that I wanted my inheritance and that's why I'm upset. Absolute lies, all of dad's money is for my mom to have the best care possible and live worry free the rest of her life. My folks and I have always been the closest out of all my siblings. I have 2 half brothers and 2 half sisters. When my dad died 2 months ago everything changed the siblings got real bitter, and me and mama are suffering because of it. What can I do? What are my legal rights?
deal with this everyday so why do you worry about putting her away? A little less criticism would make me more willing to communicate with you. That's what I would say, if you were my sister.
Is it your sister's responsibility to keep you informed or your responsibility to inquire?
Was your father your mother's primary caregiver?
To me, it's not the best sign when a poster is asking what his/her rights are rather than concentrating on the rights and welfare of the elder. It's your mother's rights that need to be protected. So far, you're doing fine there: the silliness over blocking your number and stopping you calling her you successfully nipped in the bud.
You say that you and your mother are suffering as a result of the bitterness that emerged on your father's death. What happened? Did his will have unpleasant surprises in it for your siblings, such as making you rather than only your mother a major beneficiary of his estate, anything like that?
Your mother is suffering, how?
You are suffering, how?
The thing is. You're not there. Your sister has made arrangements for your mother to be cared for in her home by your niece. The niece may not be a trained professional, and we would tend to question the sustainability of this as a long-term plan because it's not great for your niece's wellbeing either, but for continuity of care and giving your mother a chance to adjust to losing your father it probably is the best interim answer.
So. You're already looking ahead, and your idea is that your mother is removed from her home and placed in memory care. You would then sell the family home, use the money to fund your mother's care...
... would it also, in an unrelated way, allow you to realise a bequest?
If the mother is actually your stepmother, though... You can see how this would look, can't you?
Which way round is it?
There are bridges to be re-built, and I hope we'll be able to help you find one you don't hate the idea of. So I'm sorry for all the questions but it does make a difference.
Is niece being paid to caregiver?
Is a doctor overseeing mom's care?
In order to be able to get information from your mom's doctors, mom needs to fill out a HIPAA form. You submit it to each doctor. I would start there, and find out about mom's mental state, what stage of dementia she is in and what meds are being prescribed.