So I have an amazing, 95-year old-grandfather who lives on his own, still drives, still grocery shops and tries to do everything on his own. Also, his brain is still fairly sharp. The issue is none of the family is able to convince him that he would be better off at an assisted living community or at least he needs someone to come a minimum of 3 times a week to help him with groceries, laundry and light housekeeping. He gets around on a scooter and is on oxygen most of the time. His living conditions are not the best, lots of trash, spoiled food, goes out in dirty clothing and we do not believe he bathes regularly. He recently fell multiple times in a week at his home and finally had to call family for help. Turns out this was not his first time to call 911, but he didn't let any of us know. What would be ideal is for him to loose his driver's license, but there are no accidents reported (though he obviously hits things by looking at his vehicle) and he continues to pass the vision test. We all have tried in so many ways to convince him to let us bring someone in to help. My next step is surprising him with a meeting with a visiting angle consultant because when i told him I was going to do it he got very mad. Issue is no one lives close enough to visit every day usually just once week. He is the most stubborn man I have ever met and so proud to do everything on his own. My question is at what point do we need to call someone to force him? Is there an organization to force him? Does he have to have a bad fall and go to the hospital? Has anyone just ever hired someone without them knowing and have them show up? I respect that he wants to die at home and we have the resources to allow that to happen but unfortunately i don't see that happening for a few more years and he gets worse every day. Any ideas of what others have done would be great. Thank you in advance for reading.
You do have an amazing grandfather! I wish I knew him because I know I would like him. He is very independent and strong willed. That seems to have served him well in his lifetime. He is not going to give up his independence until he absolutely has to - that is on his terms - not yours.
so, in that case I would suggest you being very subtle instead of directive in aiding him. That includes never telling him what to do. However, there are other methods of achieving your peace of mind and his safety. i would suggest when you visit you choose someone you think would get along with him - and take that person with you (as your friend) when you visit. If they click, in time, and there is a trust between them - then that person would perhaps be welcome and familiar with him. Now when you do this do not tell him that person can help him - tell him she or he is a friend of yours and is coming to help you. It would be helpful if the person has some similiar interests to your grandfather.
I accomplished this with my friend that I take care of with this method. I found a gal that is knowleable with the elderly - and medical terms- and big and strong so she can handle a large older man that needs help. I told him she was to help me because the medical part confuses me. So he thought she was helping me not him. Then they became friends (because she knows what she is doing and how to do it). In my case he cannot drive and I also have problems because of eyesight issues. So she drives us to doctor appts. and that involves her in his medications etc. They have become friends, due to her skills - she is a young very knowleable gal - and she has gained his trust. This did not happen overnight. In my case it was a female - that is not a necessary requirement.
What interests does your grandfather have - sports - fishing - reading - etc. Find someone knoledable (sp?) areas. That would help establish a friendship and then it would be natural for your grandfather to accept their assistance if he views them as a friend
I wish you the best of luck. To be succesfull in this project you need to find someone who your grandfather can relate to and trust - certainly not anyone that will tell him how to live what life he has left and how to do it. I am pretty sure he already has a plan in mind - your responsibility (or help) would to find a caretaker that fits in (without him knowing it is his caretaker - but your friend - and also he could be a friend of.
I am sorry if this sounds crazy but I truly think it will work for you as it has worked for me.
Good Luck,
Rose Petal
Our family interfered after my 89 y. o. father(with similar living conditions) fell and was hospitalized, was placed in a facility for his safety and could not go home. He colluded with my youngest brother to help him escape to another state, where he ended up committing suicide. We will forever have regrets for doing , what we thought was best for him.
I also found that talking to neighbors can be helpful. Sometimes they see things that are troubling, but, they don't know who to share it with. On the other hand, they could offer positive information that this man is doing quite well. To me, doing due diligence to find out what he can do safely, would be the goal.