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I will be 60 years old in August 2026. I have been my mom's sole family caregiver for 17 years and 4 months, since she came home from rehabs after a horrific car accident. Mom will now be 88 this month. Mom is not sick but mom is sick all the time. Mom has been in constant pain since the accident. We have managed pretty good up to now. But now I am started to get worried. We go to doctors a lot, and recently just had 3 ER visits in one month for a gastro infection, a laceration on her leg, and a fall. Lumpectomny in December 2025 and Bone Cement in L3 in April 2025. Abdominal pains persist. Headaches as usual which mom has had even since I can remember, even when I was a kid. She is dead tired all the time, and I have questions about diet and nutrition. Doctors do not talk to me about caring for her. This is what I need real help with maybe. While support by talking to other caregivers is really not what I am looking for. No doctor is truly concerned. But why should they be? Doctors see an never ending line of patients, all of them, Primary Care, Cardiologist, Orthopedic, Gynecologist, Urologist, Gastroenterologist, Podiatrist, Oncologist, Wound Care, and others. In 2025 mom had over 50 medical encounters including doctors, radiology, and lab work. 2026 is shaping up to be over 50 again. 2009-2024 varied from 25-40 per years. I have everything documented and EOB's. No we have visiting nurse coming 2-3 days a week because of mom's recent fall and the wound which occurred prior to the fall. But that will end. Physical and Occupational therapists are supposed to start coming to the house in a week or 2. Personally I have nothing, no money, and very little possessions. I am on SNAP and General Assistance Grant , which is really a no interest loan doled out every month, I use to help pay to run the house. I have to, no choice, try to care for my mom til she dies. Watch her die. But she is not sick, but sick constantly. It is hard to understand I guess. I would not believe it if I were not actually living in it. But as the sole family caregiver, how can I know for sure if I am doing everything I can? If I go to my doctor, can I ask about caring for my mom? Her doctors only treat her, and only for whatever she goes for that appointment. I need a more big picture approach , but from a doctor to me.
James, I’m sorry for the situation you and your mother are in. It sounds overwhelming. My first thought is that I think you should try to find as much free help as possible besides the Snap benefits, etc. Maybe your local Area Agency on Aging might have some resources for you to give you a bit of breathing room? Here is a link to a list of them by state:

https://www.agingcare.com/local/area-agency-on-aging
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