I am 74 and been. diagnoised with congestive heart failure. I was falling alot and had a seizure. My Dr told me I should not live alone. My daughter and her boyfriend was needing a place to stay. So we talked and decided she can be my caregiver. We actually didnt make a verbal agreement as to what's espected of her and him. I am paying the rent and electric and internet. Last month she gave me 70.00 on the electric bill that has doubled. I have a washer and dryer they can use. I expected her to at least keep the one bedroom apt clean. He does some if the house work like vacuming and dishes. She does nothing but sits on the couch on her phone all day long. My apt is not clean like I used to keep it. When I complain both of them say my apt was dirty when they came here. Another excuse is no caregiver will wait in you 24/7. My question is how much should they do for free rent. When I remind her I pay the rent she tells me "you have to pay the rent anyway. What should I expect from both of them. She has foodstamps and does buy groceries but both of them eat a lot so I really don't count the groceries.. What should I expect.? I feel I'm being taken advantage of. Thank you.
Your daughter is not the solution to your problem. You will need to figure something else out.
A whole can of worms has been opened by taking in daughter and boyfriend! I wish you luck in sorting it out. Again, I'm so sorry. You didn't need this in your life.
Your daughter and her boyfriend need to leave now unless they are willing to really clean their acts up big time. If you can't live alone, you may have to move to assisted living and if that's not affordable for you then a nursing home. That's the reality here.
It's time for the three of you to really have the talk you should have had before letting them move in. You do not have to put the boyfriend up for free. He works and he can start contributing his fair share to the household. Your daughter and the boyfriend have to be one-hundred percent responsible for all of the housework, laundry, and cooking with no micromanaging from you. No one is going to get a person's home perfect when they're used to doing it themselves. That's reasonable and fair. Then, write down what your actual care needs are and be honest about it. Are your care needs such that you belong in a nursing home? If so, then you can't expect your daughter to do the work of a staff of people. If they aren't then the lot of you can work together.
If your daughter and her boyfriend are unreasonable, kick them out. Don't let them mooch and freeload off of you if they aren't willing to help. Be honest about what help you need though. Good luck.
(1) Do your daughter and her boyfriend have jobs? I'm asking because I think it's more important for them to have decent incomes than to be getting free housing. If you and your physician expect someone to be with you 24/7, that's a big disincentive to having paid work.
(2) Everyone needs privacy. Where and when are you getting yours, and where and when are daughter and boyfriend getting theirs?
(3) Are any of you receiving benefits (such as Social Security disability or subsidized housing or Medicaid)? If yes, is the benefit recipient being truthful with the government about the presence of the roommates and the sharing of the food stamps?
Your first mistake was letting them both move in without a written agreement/contract on who would do what and would pay for what, and it will be hard to back track, so best to give them until the middle of Sept. to get out.
Then you look for an Assisted Living facility(one that takes Medicaid if necessary)where all your needs will be looked after, and you'll be able to live out your days in peace.
validation about phone hacking. My friend lost a huge chunk of change..she recognized the call was "initiated" in her country. If your mom gets a call from her bank... hang up the phone and call her local branch; better yet drive there.
Letting a homeless daughter and boyfriend stay in your home without any written agreement was destined to be a disaster. For you. For her, it seems to be working out great.
One should Always have a written caregiving agreement, even with family. The agreement should detail the duties of the caregiver and the pay. Offering caregiving for free rent is never a good idea - for either party. The truth is, a live-in caregiver (professional) should still be paid a wage. Of course, this is family. It's your daughter, and you saw an opportunity to help her out and thought she could help you.
This living arrangement doesn't seem to be working for you. But, I doubt you will take steps to evict your daughter and her boyfriend.
In my opinion, you might be better off moving out of your apartment and into an assisted living or senior community, possibly even a nursing home, if you have the need for more skilled care. If you don't already have Medicaid, please apply for Medicaid. Call your local county office of Health and Human Services for more information.
If you are content to have your daughter as your live in caregiving aide, then I suggest you sit down with her and discuss exactly what you expect from her and what she is able and willing to do. As I stated, live-in caregivers do not pay for their room and board, and are paid a wage in addition to establishing working hours and days and time off. It depends just how much help you really need from your daughter. Perhaps you are independent at this time, and just having her around gives you peace of mind. That is worth giving her free rent. If this is just a living together arrangement, like roommates, then establish a roommate agreement for all three of you, splitting the cost of rent, utilities and food.
If you are expecting her to act as your caregiver, then she does not owe anything.
Please be cautious. I am worried that she could, in time, take even more advantage to the point of abuse. You are vulnerable to abuse from her and her boyfriend. You can call Adult Protective Services hotline if you ever feel unsafe or if they start taking money from you.
I agree with those saying your daughter should leave. All you have is an apartment anyway. Good luck finding a stranger to move in to replace your actual family..
Here is an idea:
Using your knowledge of the facts, plus your wildest imagination, try re-writing your question if your daughter had written it about her own situation, putting yourself in her shoes. That may reveal if she seems happy with the situation.
Do you enjoy her and her boyfriend's company? I know that you are all crowded, and that might be very irritating. Or it might not be.
Your daughter is correct, you are going to pay the rent anyway. Your trade off is peace of mind if you need help and you become badly injured or unconscious. What Caregiving are you expecting her to do, when you asked her to move in because your Doctor said you shouldn't live alone?
Figure out what exactly you need done and ask her to help you with that.
You said she does the grocery shopping, does she cook? Is she enjoyable to be around? Do you feel safer?
Just food for thought.
There's more to life than money.
Focus on getting them out of your home. This isn't going to get better, only worse. Once they are out, you can move on to a living situation that benefits you. That seems like a huge job to accomplish on your own, but you have no choice. This one is eventually going to affect your health, and you need to take care of yourself. These people are grifters. They are not trained caregivers, which is what you need now. I'm so sorry this hasn't worked out for you, but you CAN fix it. I'm sure you'll get some really good advice on this site, but it's up to you to take it. Good luck!
caregiver contract.
1. Put it in writing. It does not appear that they are doing any caregiving. Except what they would be doing anyway to keep their own place clean.
2. If you are providing "free rent", it should not cost you more for them to stay there. Change up the picture: List all the expenses and divide them, either by 1/2 or 1/3rd. Charge them that on paper. Then calculate what value of care they did give, to you personally. Such as: Sheets changed.
3. It sounds crowded there, the stress of working this out could make your condition worse. Recall that the doctor said you shouldn't live alone. He may not have meant that you require a "caregiver".
4. You do not have to blame anyone in order to change things, or have them move out. I do not think you can force your daughter to work at all, so change things.
5. This arrangement will continue to cost you, imo.