Seems I am always on this site for advice. I now have another dilemma.
My 95 yr old mother with dementia??, bad eyesight, poor decision making, bad knees, trouble walking and loses her balance from time to time.
I moved in with her over 7 yrs ago, after my father passed. She wanted to stay in her house, begged me not to put her in a nursing home. After all she did for us growing up, I didn’t see a problem.
She fell again early Sunday morning. Trying to get to the bathroom at 5:30am, she had her walker until she thought she could make it the rest of the way holding on to other objects. She got as far as her dresser, reached for it so she could use it to get around the wall, to grab her vanity, to get to the toilet. She must have misjudged and she went down. She only uses the walker until she can hold onto things for stability. She says she forgets the walker. The only time she uses it is when she doesn’t have anything else to hang onto. So, this brings us to the latest problem. She can’t get her walker into her bathroom unless that door is taken off the hinges. So I told her that I took her door off. She is to take her walker into the bathroom and not to be relying on other things for stability. She seemed ok with that until this morning. She was going in to take a shower and wanted the door put back on so she could use the heaters to warm the bathroom. She has a 1. ceramic heater on her vanity,2. her shower fan also has a heater, plus 3. the furnace I told her with all 3 running her bathroom would be warm enough for her. Now she says that she will call her brother to put the door back on. I told her it is not going back on. She said she will not take a shower until it is put back on. I told her that was her choice. So now she is really mad. Not talking to me. And I imagine she will tell me again to pack my bags and get out. She has always been a princess, always gotten her way. But after her last fall that she damaged her eye, cut her face and had to have stitches, spend overnight in the hospital, the squad coming to get her off the floor, I told her this is for the best and the door stays off!
This woman has to be in charge, and she fights every decision I make. Everyday is a battle. She has NO reasoning skills left. I do not even recognize this woman. If she knew how she was acting and how combative she is, she would be so upset with herself.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
My question to everyone. How would you handle this situation? Just give in? No matter what I think is the safest thing for her is, just let her do whatever she wants, no matter the danger?
The last time she fell the squad came. Gave me instructions on how to safe proof her room so that she could maneuver around her room with the walker.
I really do not want them coming back to see I haven’t followed their instructions.
Does anyone have any suggestions?
IF you want to remain with her in the house there are hinges that you can get that will allow the door to open fully. OR Have a carpenter come in and enlarge the opening to the bathroom. It would require a bit of work but it should be possible.
Is this the only barrier?
Enlarge other doorways there will come a time, maybe sooner rather than later when she will be in a wheelchair.
If she continues to use furniture as support it will be sooner. One option might be to remove as much furniture as possible. Use the closet, put a dresser in the closet if that is possible. It will eliminate some of her spots for support so that she has to use the walker more.
As I said you can not reason with her but remind her that if she falls she will go to the hospital, she will go to rehab and she may not be able to return home after that.
Begin to look at Memory Care facilities so that you know what is available and you will be able to take the steps needed when the time comes.
You either need to make her home safe to live in, or place her in a safe environment. It's okay either way. This shouldnt be about what the "squad" thinks of you....but about doing the right thing for your mother, aggravation aside. My own mother lives in Memory Care Assisted Living and they do a great job of caring for her. Much better than I'd do, truthfully. Be honest with yourself and make your decision accordingly.