I have moved my mom to a private facility. It was only intended to be during a respite period but they say she is doing so extremely well there - interacting, participating in the activities, eating and sleeping well - but most importantly NO aggression - something I was having trouble with at home with the caregivers. She is asking for me but so far easily redirected. They strongly encouraged that I leave her there. With all the positives and it is really a very nice place - so why can’t I stop crying - this is what I wanted.
Cry if you need to, that's fine.
"Tears are God's gift to us. Our holy water. They heal us as they flow."
~Rita Schiano
Your mother is safe & having a good time in the ALF. Thank God for that. You're freed up now to live your own life and relax a bit. Thank God for that, too. It's okay to feel relief and cry for IT, too.
Wishing you all the best of luck in this next phase of your life.
Cry if you need too. As far as asking why? Oh my goodness, it’s emotional. I cried when I saw my mom in the hospice house. I didn’t cry in front of her. As soon as I got in the car to go home, I cried.
It was the very best place for mom to be, still I cried, just like you are. I am happy that mom died peacefully. Mom adjusted well to being there. Still, for me, it was knowing that this was the end, accepting that this was the very last place that my mom would be. I suppose that I was beginning the grieving process.
Oh man, all of it is so emotional. I understand how you feel. I am crying now too, remembering everything. Well, it hasn’t been that long since mom died. She died at the end of April.
When mom went to hospice she was relieved. I had her in my home for 15 years. My brother had her in his home for 14 months. It was hard. It’s exhausting.
Mom hated feeling like she was a burden on us.
I can tell you that my mom received excellent care in her hospice house.
I am glad that your mom is being well cared for. You may be crying now, but trust me, you will be so glad that your mom has a professional staff caring for her. It will be a welcome relief.
I did feel at peace knowing that mom was in good hands. I was always a wreck towards the end of caring for her, dealing with falls, the ER visits and so on. Caregiving only gets harder as it goes on. It never gets any easier. Having hospice at the end of her life was such a blessing.
I wish you peace. I wish the very best for your mom. Take care.
This is a big change. For your mom and for you. I remember dropping my mom off at the nursing home for the first time. I felt like I was dropping my child off at kindergarten.
Be glad she is adapting. It may not last you know. Enjoy this time when you can relax and know she is being looked after. In the future she will ask for you and not be so easily redirected.
You are feeling left behind. It's natural. Have a good cry! It soothes the soul.
I know I will cry too; not because he's at MC but because the man i loved and married is gone.
I imagine you are crying because the mother you've known and loved is gone. Never to return. She is in a place where people with much more training and experience will make sure she is safe and cared for. You can now go visit a new friend who just happens to look like your mom. I'm sending you a huge hug
Sudden relief from intense stress
Separation from your mother
Strange new territory
Apprehension about what happens next
How long since the decision to let her stay in the facility? It sounds as if it can't have been very long at all.
This winter and spring were intense as my brother had two brain surgeries for cancer, and then for two months bounced around hospitals and nursing facilities when he developed an infection and later Covid. I realized cancer treatment would not be successful so finally made the decision to put him in hospice. I also found a much better nursing facility too. Once he was settled in with such great care I had a lot less worry. But suddenly I couldn’t get anything done. Then I realized I was very depressed—now the grief was here and I could recognize. Since then I have felt better.
Let the tears come. They’re healing. And what a blessing that your mom is doing so well!
Go to a movie, go for a walk at a park and feed the squirrels, get out in the sunshine, go to one of the bookstores that has a little cafe in eat where you can have a cup of coffee and read a book or magazines. Take short little day trips somewhere. Go to Starbucks so you're around other people and have a cup of coffee and read a book, your computer, the newspaper. Go shopping and buy a new top, maybe something colorful. Maybe go to a restaurant that has a bar and sit at the bar ( you can get a non-alcoholic drink, if you like ) and try to join in a conversation. Maybe take an online or in-person class somewhere. You could go to one of those painting with a twist one-time "class" where you come home with a painting.
But let yourself cry.... it will lessen over time.
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