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You said a lot when you said your parents did not like you any better even with your efforts to help them. Kimfam describes the dynamic well.
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If you are caregiving with the hope of some day being loved by a narcissist I don’t think it will ever work. Just know the world appreciates what you are doing. If they are mistreating you however, I’d bail and let them call their GC. What is it they say about karma?
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Favorite children are adored unconditionally. They do not earn this status. They have no incentive to please or help their parents. Most of the time, the golden child does not respect, love, or like their parents. Meanwhile, the unfavored child is dismissed no matter how much they to to earn their parents’ love and respect, This dynamic is dysfunctional and is similar to a hamster running in a wheel cage. No matter how fast the hamster runs, nothing changes. In human relationships this dynamic plays out wherein the unfavored person(s) keeps trying to earn the love and approval of the one(s) who dismiss them. This is an exercise in futility. As the unfavored child who spent years trying to earn my parent’s love and approval by doing good acts and helping them, without any success, I faced the reality of he situation, and stopped wasting my time and relegating myself to martyrdom. My advice: spend your time and energy in pursuing things that make you happy, develop relationships that respect you, and live your life.
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Justwow123 Aug 2022
You just described my sister. 😂
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For me, it is gender. Brother is the favourite but hates her.

I don't know what the answer is, but it sucks.

But then again, my narcissistic mother having dementia is karma. Brother having to care for her is also karma.

I am now focusing on raising my kids with all the love I never got as a child.
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GingerMay
I feel you!!! My brother is the favorite and does nothing for our 93 year mom with dementia. I'm her caregiver and my relationship with my mom has always been a struggle. Nothing I ever did was good enough, but he's always the golden child! Like you, I don' understand this dynamic and it's very frustrating.
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MargaretMcKen Jul 2022
Cwillie's link is very interesting.
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You took on caregiving duties in the hopes of getting love and appreciation. It’s probably something you’ve struggled with all your life - the thought that if you do something or are something, that they will love you the way they love your sister. Your sibling already has that from your parents, so there’s no drive there to fill that void. Neither of you seem to want to help because you love them, or because it’s the right thing to do.
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FatherSon252 Jul 2022
Absolutely agree!
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It seems you don't like your parents a whole lot. If that's the case I think it is right that you step away. We have two chances for family, the one we are born into and the one we make of people we love and care about. You say you have been doing caregiving and it has not made you more love, or --you feel-- loved as much or more than your sister. That isn't really a good reason to do caregiving.
I am a non believer, but you may want to consider reading the tale of the prodigal son? It sometimes DOES seem that the parents love the ner-do-well, carefree, butterfly types who go their own way without a care.
It is interesting as well to know that often the one who is closest in proximity gets blamed for what is wrong with life. In the Capgras syndrome for instance the person becomes paranoid that someone is acting against them; and guess what--it's always the one who deals most with the parent.
So go your own way, make a happy carefree life full of wondrous joy-filled friend. Who knows? Maybe you will be the new favorite?
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RBIndiana Jul 2022
It’s hard to be carefree and develop new relationships or strengthening the ones we have when we continually have to care for or find others to care for our family living with us just to spend an evening out for dinner or go on a vacation. Like anything else in life is easier said and done.
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Because they’ve been made incapable by the parent….teaching a child, whether intentionally or not, whether overtly or not, that they’re some kind of special snowflake, also teaches them to be less capable and to have less expected of them. At least that’s what I’ve seen
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Kimfam Jul 2022
I agree. I always see the “unloved/unappreciated” child complaining about the sibling that gets the love/money/support and I think that they miss the point. The sibling that gets love/support when they mess up is not actually benefitting, they are handicapped by that.
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If you're doing the caregiving because you seek appreciation, approval, and increased status in the family, then I'd say you're doing it for all the wrong reasons.
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mcshea02 Jul 2022
Sometimes we do it because we must - but would appreciate acknowledgement and approval.
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https://thenarcissisticlife.com/why-do-narcissists-have-a-golden-child-and-scapegoat-child/
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MargaretMcKen Jul 2022
Great link, thanks!
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