She developed dementia about a year ago and is advancing fast. She lives in her alternate reality and talks to dead people or they talk to her. I have learned to work with that but now it has gone into the sleeping phase where she wants to die but she is healthy. I am sure that there is depression, and she is just existing. I want to keep her active but I am not succeeding. What do I do?
My own dad spoke with me about this. He said he was "exhausted with life" and he had had a wonderful life, but now just wished for the long last nap. He truly felt this way and he was wonderful talking about it.
I spent my life as a nurse and I heard this over and over and over from the elderly and they would always mourn that they couldn't discuss it with family because family didn't want to hear it.
It is hard to understand from the perspective of being young, but the old get tired. The eat less and sleep more and that's their norm. And many are ready to go. Some LONG to go, as did my Dad.
Please honor and embrace the fact that we all die. That we tire. That every single system in our body becomes exhausted. That we are ready for the peace of sleep.
Is she in any pain? If so, I'd get a hospice eval. There is no need for a 95 year old to suffer. Or at any age.
Best of luck.
My friend's Mom did the same thing and she went into hospice. She was on it for about 18 months before she passed.
Why do you want to keep your 95-yr old Mom active? To what end? She is 95 and her mind and body wants to exit. We all exit eventually... this is life, this is normal, this is expected. Make it as comfortable and pain-free for her as possible. Bless you for being there for her on this journey.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
I have found this approach to be so caring & insightful. Less 'medical' in some ways but doesn't shy away from the reality. Ruby & Pearl are the later stages. Peace to you & your Mother as she enters those later stages.
https://teepasnow.com/blog/6-gems-you-need-to-know-for-a-positive-approach-to-dementia-care/
Bedbound and poor nutrition is a decubitus on the way. And they can go septic and lead to death.
At some point, SOME THING will lead to death.
You suggest making her walk as much as possible.
In Motherlode, the book I so often recommend, the mom walked to the age of 102. And lived that long. To what end I am not certain.
Lots depends, for us and for our caregiving, on where we stand on quantity versus quality of life.
And you are correct that absence of a bedsore is going to make quality of life greatly better.
Thing I love about this site--our advice (if confusing) varies. But I think we teach and bring to consideration, even for one another, a whole lot of thought.
He truly DID know he wanted to sleep forever.
He tried to overcome it for my Mom, but boy, was he ready to go.
Being a good caregiver is not about heroics, nor keeping them alive despite a bleak diagnosis. Just as we provide tender loving care to a new baby coming into the world, we provide the same loving care as they transition out of this world. Comfort and love. That's it. Comfort and love.
It is now time for hospice.