NeedHelpWithMom Posted May 2019
Has anyone else said to themselves that they would rather be dead than get some form of dementia? I have! Reading about dementia is scary!
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I would rather be dead than to put my family through hell with such a dreadful situation like dementia.
I don’t mean any offense towards anyone else. These are feelings about myself.
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Thank you, Chdottir. I just read a cautionary article, The Financial Cost of Ignoring Advance Directives. Infuriating!
While the keep-'em-dying-till-the-end crowd may not allow me to do so, I want to present my intentions clearly.
It can be confusing. So much that we do not know or begin to understand about so many medical situations. Plus everyone experiences these situations differently. Diseases effect everyone individually. Meds effect everyone individually as well, so yeah, it can be terribly tricky to deal with.
This is a really tricky one. There comes a time in dementia when (we assume) the person is unaware of their condition. Since no one has ever recovered from dementia that wasn't caused by (1.) Extra fluid pressure on the brain - reversable, (2.) A bad urinary tract infection - reversable, (3.) A bad reaction to a medication or combinations of medications - reversable, (4.) dehydration - reversable, (5.) a high fever - reversable, & there are a few other examples then we'll never know what a person with Alzheimer's or other form of ireversable dementia knows or doesn't know, is aware or not aware of.
What's scary about allowing assisted suicide is the problem that some individuals may decide to go that route because they a simply very depressed, feel they are a burden to their families/society, they've been pressured by family members or other parties to make the decision, etc.
My mother wanted to go this route but it wasn't a legal option in Indiana. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it because I learned in counseling that a person cannot commit suicide when they are at the deepest, darkest depths of depression - they haven't the mental or physical energy to do it. It's only after they start getting better & see how far away the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems to be that they have the mental & physical energy to do themselves in.
I understand there are times when it's a logical option. If one's ability to swallow is so compromised they cannot eat & it's not going to get any better, if they're in horrible pain that cannot be controlled by medication, etc. then it's understandable - as long as it can be done in such a way that the person truly does not suffer. That's really the important thing. There are numerous ways to kill oneself but that doesn't mean they are all easy or gentle.
How can we truly know how we'll feel unless we are faced with the actual situation & are able to communicate our wishes. Even someone who says that's what they want to do if they ever are in X or Y situation, cannot truly know how they will feel until they are & then if they aren't able to communicate with others, who's to know if they still feel that way. Oh, I know others will say they won't change their mind; but . . . .
It's really isn't an easy decision & what if the individual's philosophy is different from their caretaker's?? There are so many slippery slopes to this & I personally am concerned that we're headed toward a society who will have no compunction when it comes to ridding itself of those who drain it's resources & aren't seen as being useful or contributing to society.
What it really comes down to is personal choice made by the individual without input from those who will profit from that person's death be it financially or indirectly -relieves society of burdensome expenses.
If you do an internet search for The Good Death Society Blog it has good information on this. There is a topic list on Dementia on the right side. Click on that.
May I share your truck with you? Two birds with one stone kind of deal. Sorry, guess I am having a bad day and my sick sense of humor is coming through.
I say "push me in front of a truck!".
Haha, Louisiana politics is a disaster!
It takes a lot of courage to grow old.
When I watched that episode, I thought that custom was extreme and barbaric, Now, I think it is less so. Not that I think we all should just die at a fixed age, but once we reach a point where our bodies/brains are more dead than alive, then we should move on. Let the new generations live.
Imagine if our grandparents and great grandparents just keep on living and living thanks to modern medicine, and we and our parents spend all our time just taking care and prolonging the lives of those centenarians, I shudder.
Death with dignity is the same as a “right to die” law. Assisted suicide. People who are terminally ill can now go to their doctor & get prescribed a lethal dose of medication (I’m not sure what it is). They get to choose when and where they die, rather than suffer. Here is an enlightening article about one such woman who chose death with dignity https://www.mercurynews.com/2017/10/01/right-to-die-in-california-the-last-days-of-jil-finnegan/amp/
I cannot stand jerry brown for many reasons but signing this law is one of the only good things he did for this state IMO. Now, people like my MIL, do not have to suffer from cancer, pulmonary fibrosis, ALS, etc until they are gone. Hospice can only do so much. My MIL had shortness of breath, complete incontinence, spent her last 2 months bedbound. Couldn’t do anything for herself and could hardly move without losing her breath. She suffered horrible coughing spells. Yes hospice was wonderful and they treated her with dignity and in the end she passed peacefully but....overall the 2 months leading up to her death were cruel. She suffered. But thanks to this law, no one in California HAS to go through that, they can choose “death with dignity”. This is absolutely something I would choose for myself.
I wonder if Alzheimer’s and dementia patients are eligible to use this law?
Some Parkinson’s patients do get dementia. I hope my mom doesn’t. Her brother, my uncle Eddie, had Parkinson’s too and lived to be 96 and did not get dementia. All people are different. It’s like other situations where we are all effected differently.
Yes, movements becomes extremely slow and rigid. Her brain thinks she can move but her body can’t always cooperate.
What is death with dignity law? I like the way that sounds. I seriously don’t want to long, lingering death.
Lung issues indeed are terrifying. My mom has COPD so yeah.....I have already decided, should my lungs decide to go bad on me, I’m taking the easy way out. I refuse to suffer the way my MIL did and the way my
mom will. If the curse strikes my husband, selfishly I hope he takes the easy way out too. Whatever he wants, he’ll have my full support. But I admit it, California has a death with dignity law and if we still live here if and when.....I hope he uses it. What his mother went through was horrific. It really sealed the deal for me. I want death with dignity. And
I’m going to tell my family that when the time is right.
My godmother had ALZ. When I would visit her in the NH she no longer knew who I was. Just so sad. I suppose it’s the one that scares me the most. Watching mom suffering with Parkinson’s is pretty scary too. She moves at a snail’s pace! Tricky neurological condition.
Lung issues would be horrible too like in your family. Lots of ugly ways to go, huh? Hate when my curious mind wanders to these ugly places!
Just curious. Does anyone else feel the desire to contact anyone from their past? I don't know why I feel an interest to have closure. I am not obsessed but this goes on in my mind. I connected one friend from almost 30 years ago. We talked for 2 hours and have a plan to see each other in a couple of months. I would really be interested in hearing if others are experiencing this.
Cancer from the 50's..a disease no one talked about and you did not want to "get" it because it was a death sentence.
The AIDS from the 80's..a disease no one talked about and you did not want to "get" it and the fear was so great people would not touch someone with "it", would not eat or drink from the same utensils even after being washed.
Both of these the life span has improved and lives have improved because of medications and advancements.
Can't say the same for any form of dementia...
You can be put on a medication that "will slow" the progression...but does it really? The decline continues. I often said when my Husband was alive even if they came out with a cure I would not have him take it because the massive damage has been done to the brain and that is not reversible.
What have I done?....
I have long term care insurance. No one will care for me the way I cared for my Husband. And I would not expect anyone to do so.
I am in a house that was built handicap accessible so I do not have to move I can and am aging into the house and will remain comfortable.
Do I have a plan if I am diagnosed...You bet I do and I am sure 90% of the people that answer this will say the same. I have a "stash of pills" that I would take..if I have the cognitive ability to do so..I have asked my sister if she would assist by setting out the pills and a glass of Amaretto. I would not ask her to "give" them to me as that would be assisting in the suicide and I would never do that to her or anyone. Other option would be to move to a state where assisted suicide is legal. (But there are hurdles to that as well)
The sad thing is dementia is harder on the family than it is one the person diagnosed with the dementia. My Husband did not have a care, he was cared for, he was loved, he was clean, fed, dry and for all intents and purpose he was healthy. I was the one that watched him decline day by day, month by month, year by year. When I walked into the room he would smile and kiss me hello, when I would leave to grocery shop he would give me a kiss goodbye..and I would cry on my way to the car. He just kissed me and smiled for me never the caregiver so I think he knew in his heart it was me...may not have known it in his brain but the heart knew!
Cruel disease!!!
Can’t say I am fretting about it. Passing thoughts through my head after reading all the dreadful posts about dementia.
I guess I am like my grandma. She prayed for an easy death after watching grandpa suffer. She got her wish. She dropped dead suddenly. Heart just stopped. That’s how I want to go! Or in my sleep.
What is your plan? Assisted suicide? Being locked away in a facility? Whatever your plans are, see an attorney who can help you get your wishes on paper now and let your family know what you’re doing. That way, you don’t need to fret and worry about inconveniencing anyone.