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Mom doesn’t understand it’s okay to soil her diaper. She wants to get up and go to the bathroom. She can get up occasionally but for the most part she is bedridden. She asks repeatedly to go to the bathroom but decides she can’t get up so she asks how do I go pee? I tell her it’s okay to pee in her diaper but she just doesn’t understand. She says she’ll get a spanking for doing that in the bed or her pants. It’s sad, we spend so much time teaching our children to use the toilet and when we get old we have to unlearn proper hygiene and social learning. How do I get her to understand it’s okay?

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You probably won't bring able to get her to understand. It is a life time habit, after all. It would be good for her to get up and move.
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Can you use a bedpan for her?  Her mind's working enough to know she's got to go.  No one wants to lie in a wet, soiled diaper, and that would cause other problems as well if her diaper was not changed right away anyway.
I saw this: https://www.handicappedequipment.org/bed-pans-for-the-bedridden/

You might check Senior Care Products at the bottom of this website and your local stores for similar products.

If you can't get her on a bedpan, there are bed pads used for incontinence and maybe that would be an option to slide under her wherever she is, then remove.

I also saw this for "bedridden and continent" which may be an idea:
https://www.independentliving.co.uk/cp-editorials/toileting-in-bed-incontinence-protection/
Looks pretty involved, but maybe there are other similar things.

Others here will likely have more ideas, too.
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I agree it would be better for her to get up but she says the pain in her hip is unbearable when she tries to get up. She has a bad hip which probably should have been replaced years ago along with a bad knee but for her own reasons she refused any treatment for both. Anyway, my daughter was actually able to get her up and moving for a little bit on Monday. I told her she worked a miracle bc I have been trying for the month she has been “bedridden” to get her up and moving. She can be a handful when she makes up her mind about her what she can and can’t do. I think I’ll ask my daughter to come over every few days and see if she can get her up.
Ah well, such is life. 🤷‍♀️
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