My Father's Friend or Foe?
When my Father's mental capacity declined I took over his checking account to make his life easier. Now he didnt have worry about paying bills or purchases. Well, I looked over the last three months and found unsual withdrawls. 100, 200 every week somethings 40 six times in one day! We discovered that my father was giving this woman friend of his (more than 20 years his junior) money. She would drive him to the store and he would even buy her food. She took him the pharmacy and he bought her perscriptions too. He said he was just helping her. Thats a good heart but he is on a fixed income and has very little for himself. I dont even take money from my father when offered. His money is stricktly for his care. Well, when I took over the checkbook that had to stop. Well, now the woman visits and leaves with household items. I thought my fathers rather cluttered place was getting uncluttered pretty fast. We again discovered that he was giving her things so she could sell them and make money. These things are in his will to be sold after his passing to help pay for his final arrangements. We confronted her and said nothing leaves the house anymore. We called the police. They are treating it like an elder abuse case. She is clearly taking advantage of my fathers genorosity. He is not thinking clearly and giving her things of sentimental value to the family. My father doesnt understand our suspicions of this person. She is one of those slick sweet talking people. The police want us to seek a "stay away" order. I have never done this before. My father considers this woman a friend we think of her as a foe. This is a sticky situation if he finds out we are going to keep her away. My eldest brother had suggested a stay away order a while ago but we didnt do it because its our fathers friend. But she is cleaning him out! No telling what has left the house in the year and half she has known him. Feedback Please!
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1) Put a freeze on your father's credit, if one is not in place already. This will prevent the woman from being able to convince your father to co-sign on any loans, credit cards, etc. You should do this with each of the three credit bureaus (TransUnion, Equifax, and Experian).
2) I would recommend proceeding with the stay away order. Is your father going to be angry? Yes. But would you rather have him angry or cleaned out?
3) It sounds like your dad might be in need of more socialization if he is so susceptible to her. Elderly people are often very lonely. I think you can soften the blow of the stay away order by making sure that your dad is getting plenty of interaction with other people at a local senior's center, book club, or other such activity.
My father seems to understand that she took advantage of him. He doesnt want to talk to her....thankfully. He is claiming the right not to answer his phone. He is not happy about the mail which seemed to convince him that she was doing something illegal.
I will follow through on your other suggestions! Thank you!
What is a stay away order? How do I get a freeze on my dad's credit?