Hello everyone! I am new to this forum and very happy I found it. I have a situation with my brother who is "acting up" in more ways than one. My father passed away from cancer at the end of April. His wife, my mother, has Alzheimer's and cannot make rational decisions. Before he passed, he wanted to make sure that I had control over finances and mother's health after he died, so he made me financial and medical power of attorney over both of them. He was of sound mind when he did so, and had my mother sign hers also.
My brother is a chronic freeloader (46 years old), has been in prison for too many DUIs, and just got off of probation last December, just for some background. My father's goal for me was to get mother moved to assisted living as soon as possible, so I focused on that goal. Four days after my father passed, my brother started sending me nasty texts saying that he is "taking control". I went over to the house to get a few things moved to mother's new apartment and he physically assaulted me (shoved me against a wall repeatedly, then pinned me there). It was then he let me know that he got mother to sign another POA (only the financial one) for him. The threatening texts continued to come for weeks after that, but I did finally decide to file assault charges, and I may tack on harassment.
He can't touch any money because I am the beneficiary of that money, and have been a signor on my parents' bank acount for years. My father's wishes were for do exactly as I have, but I need to get some work done at the house so we can sell for a larger profit. However, my brother has essentially taken over the house, changed the locks, and said he will "sell it when he's ready".
Anyway, my question is, since my mother can't make rational decisions, isn't his POA null and void and mine still active since my father was of sound mind?
I believe we might have to pursue legal action, so if anyone has any advice on that, please share.
Thanks!
There is no way to sugarcoat it. Dementia is absolutely devastating for the entire family.
If your SIL took her husband to three neurologist your brother has been seen by "real specialists." The fact that they came to different conclusions does not prove they are not competent doctors. "Dementia" is fairly easy to diagnose, but pinpointing the exact disease is far more complicated. As things stand now, the only absolutely accurate way to see what is happening in the brain is to examine it post mortem. When autopsy results are compared to the diagnosis on record, the accuracy rate of diagnoses is dismal -- and this includes specialty clinics around the country.
I belong to a support group for caregivers of persons with Lewy Body Dementia. It has been a number of years and many of the people with dementia have died. Only 2 had autopsies. My husband's diagnosis was confirmed -- he had a more severe case than his symptoms would indicate. The other man's diagnosis with LBD was proven to be incorrect, even though it was made by one of the area's leading experts in the disease. I don't know whether it is a consolation or just adds to your frustration, but the fact that your brother's diagnosis has varied so much is common, and is not an indication of poor care.-
I know how much you would like to be able to DO SOMETHING for your brother. I can't tell you how much I wanted a magic wand for my husband, and now for my mother. Being helpless adds to our grief. It sounds like you have tried to do everything you can think of. If you were geographically closer there would be other things you could try.
As it is, I think you need to make peace with the fact that your SIL is in charge of her husband's care. Direct your frustration and anger at the disease itself. That is the true source of the problems here.
I am truly sorry that you are in so much pain.
Unless your brother made you his medical power of attorney, his wife has more authority over decisions about his health than you do. That is a simple fact.
Early onset dementia is particularly sad (although dementia at any age is awful). There is at this time no cure. At this time there are not even universally-agreed upon methods of treatment. The drugs that are supposed to "slow down" the progression of the disease have not been proven to do so. Some help some people manage symptoms.
There is growing evidence that lifestyle elements can make a big difference in quality of life. Remaining physically active is important. Having social interactions is beneficial. Having some intellectual stimulation is useful. Can you visit your brother often? Can you encourage him to participate in the activities available at his care center? Can you look at scrapbooks or old photographs with him?
You are not in charge of the major medical decisions for him, but there are things you can do to enhance the quality of his everyday life.
HAVE YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE POA? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MUST HAVE A "POWER GRAB" GOING ON.
Another new development - my brother's girlfriend notarized his POA and we have learned that this is a conflict of interest according to Texas law, and it could carry consequences for her. She is a big part of the problem too. She is a paralegal and has to have the notary, but she really could lose it because the "power" the POA gives would directly benefit her financially.
I did get the money back and reported fraud. It is now in an account he can't touch.
It is always best to have BOTH a Will, and absolutely a Living "TRUST" set up in addition to the POA.... POA is only good as long as the owner is alive.......I hope your father has set up the Trust as well.... Yes, keep us informed....
A Living Trust saves the headache of court probates and proceedings.
If you mother has dementia or alzheimer's and has been diagnosed with it then she is not of sound mind and cannot give anyone her POA you would need conservatorship over her, but you do not have time to waste in stopping the pillaging of your mothers accounts, you needed to transfer money immediately when you found out what he had done. Time is of the essence here!!!!!!
@Maria - a lawyer did draw up the POA, but I hardly think she was with the attorney when she signed it since she rarely goes anywhere.
New developments - I am a signor on the bank account with my parents and have been for years. Yesterday, $3600 was transferred out online to two other bank accounts. We have launched a fraud investigation because I did not authorize those transfers and he used either my father's credentials or set one up for my mother (she has no clue how to use a computer) It turns out that he set up two more accounts for my mother and has moved the money. That money was supposed to pay her rent at her assisted living facility.
The will is about to be probated, and the executor is fully aware of what my father's wishes were, which was for me to be POA over my mother and to manage her care and finances. I believe he might be the only one who can legally stop him, unless the police decide to step in a arrest him for assault. That is still pending.
It's a fine mess - I hope we can get it resolved because it's about to kill my family.