Anxietynacy Posted August 28, 2024
What is the best advice that your therapist or counselor ever told you, that stuck with you for life?
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I have quite a few things that a good therapist said to me many years ago that , every so often pops back into my head. I'll share later, I was wondering if others have any
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I had been going through a dreadfully painful divorce; one in which I very much still loved the man. I was continuing to go on and on about it and was in truth obsessed with it thinking as I rode buses "What if I did this...." "Why did I do that...." "Maybe I can still do......" and on and on and on.
This therapist SHOOK ME UP. The day I first saw her she said "You won't fine me silent about what I think. I am not one to sit and listen over and over and take bills out of your hands. I will help you to see different paths away from behavior that is habitual".
I find that we tend to stick to the same old thing, even when it's destructive, because there is NOTHING more scary than a new way of thinking, of doing, of being.
I will never forget her. She was wonderful. I had a friend seeking therapy at the same time whose therapist said to her "You will likely need therapy all your life? " I said "Really? Then one of two things are true; she's a BAD THERAPIST or you are mad as a hatter".
That sometimes it's hard to find happiness, because we are so use to unhappiness, anxiety depression, and everything that goes with it.
That the unhappiness actually becomes are safe place, because that is what we are use to. So we often feel happiness and get scared of being happy and bring ourselves back down, because unhappiness is are safe place, because it's what we know
Hence the rollercoaster 🎢 we all speak about.
She explained it like taking a trip say to china, we are happy but at the same time scared, scared of the language, the different foods, the customs, everything is different and we can't wait to get home. To are safe place.
Sometimes unhappiness becomes are safe home, and happiness becomes china.
That just so stuck with me!!
Which is so ironic @Alva, we pretty much had the same things said to us, that stuck with us but said in a different way.
“Have you considered that you have done enough growing, and now it’s time for healing?”
“You need to talk with your friends.”
“Your mother is a narcissist. You will need to question everything you thought you knew about the things she told you.”
"Fight for yourself"
1) keep them safe
2) keep them comfortable: clean, dry, fed, receiving medical care for pain control and overall health care.
We cannot make anyone happy. That is not our responsibility.
"Parenthood only becomes really challenging when your children start bringing home inappropriate love objects."
Lost, yours is my favorite one so far.
Or to add to that , make the things that are not fun , fun. Like dancing while doing dishes
Venting, absolutely, let's all be good to are selves. We are often are own worst enemy
She told me as I have told others, that turning your life around takes time.
2 steps forward 1 step backwards.
You can't change your life overnight.
You really have to work on one problem at a time.
Say someone, smokes , drinks, and drugs and money problems.
You can't tackle all that at one time. Or your bound to fail.
It takes patience and practice and will power, and much support from good people that want to help.
One issue I have with this forum is some people don't have enough patience to understand that.
They will say ,well I told you what to do last week. Leave your mom, and they give up to quickly.
Most people it takes more time, to crawl out of the burnout hole , we dug are selves into.
So I can honestly say , id like to see more patients giving to people that we know are burning out.
Took me 6 months to dig my way out. No one can do it in a week.
It took me 3 years to dig the whole I was in, it's natural to take time to un dig
* They choose.
* The consequences are theirs.
This has helped in so many ways.
Helped my immediate family as I learned to let go of over-control.
Helped me to empower my children to make their own decisions. Added respect to my relationship with my husband.
Certainly helped my sanity dealing with other family members with varying levels of denial & insight. To let go of responsibility over others' decisions (whether wise or poor).
Helped me too by seeing I can make choices for myself. I do not have to give that power to others.
I also think it fits very nicely with the serenity prayer.
Do something for yourself. Do something you enjoy that doesn't involve Mom.
Maybe it's because I'm a former smoker, or I'm just a kid at heart
Lollipops 🍭 🍭 🍭
To this day I try to remind myself that I need to praise rather than criticize. That not everything needs to be critiqued. And sometimes it is difficult to catch someone doing something right when we are annoyed with them but it is good to be on the lookout just in case. So whether it’s yourself that needs a pat on the back for taking care of you, or mom who needs to be caught with a smile rather than a chore or our fellow posters who need to be lifted up instead of torn down when they share a tip for an OP, It’s pretty good advice. ‘Catch him doing something right”.
Oh he evidently reads just fine as his phone is ever handy….as is mine. 😏
Probably the only thing I learned all year, but it has stuck with me through out life, not that I've always used it but I try.
He also taught us how to meditate, which was way before meditation was popular.
So if you tell yourself your no good once, tell yourself over and over , you are a good person, you deserve to be treated like a good person from every one.
It will elevate your mood and increase your face value. :)
too many people are getting older, but not growing up.
She had gotten her weight down after hospitalations and better controlled eating habits at the AL. She seemed pleased with that. She went to visit her niece for a month who also has a serious weight issue. She came back 20 pounds heavier. I honestly felt I had a small nervous breakdown. I had so much anxiety and couldn't eat. I felt I had worked so hard to get her to a place in life where she could be managed. She was also making costly financial mistakes I had to work to correct. Her apartment was chaotic and had to be cleared and organized in order to be put on the market. I also had been told by the hospital that she was not a good candidate to live on her own due to a variety of existing medical issues.
The counselor asked me about my family life. I told her I had 3 adult children all working hard to find their paths in life. They are now all married and I have 6 grandchildren from 2 of them.
The counselor told me that I had to acknowledge that my husband and I had achieved that and that is where my positive focus should reside. They are all hard workers doing their best to not only attempt to make money but bring up their children with values. Some of those values don't always seem evident at various stages but they seem to improve as they mature and love each other as cousins. They also enjoy our visits as we are all in four different states.
Everyone says you will regret your life if you don't have a better relationship with your parents.
Ya know, my regrets- I regret letting my parents take over my life when my kids where young.
I regret letting mom take over my life for 3 years after my dad died
What I don't regret is the ten years I had little to no contact with my family.
So lesson learned , I hope others can learn from are mistakes.