Who will be there for us?
Been thinking about this lately since a couple of things have popped up recently. First my friend who does nothing but complain about her lot in life. It's that way because of choices she made and things she has done and said. But, she has had a friend who put her on her phone plan. Friend is homebound most of the time, she really didn't need a cell she has a landline. Another gave her a Nook reader. She does read alot. She expects too much from people who have lives of their own. But, she gets these people to feel sorry for her so they do. One told me she doesn't enjoy it but she feels sorry for her.
Then there's the Church man who is not the easiest to get along with and after his wife died, members his age were helping him taking him to lunch. He has a son and DIL (who doesn't work) to help him. These same people never went out of their way for my Mom who was a member and involved before he joined our Church. My Mom was a very outgoing person and well liked but was forgotten by her Church. I have often wondered who would have cared for her if I hadn't been around. My brothers rarely saw her.
I have two daughters, 42 and 34. When I am 85 they will be 50 and 58. Both are single at this point. They are going to have to work to support themselves. We have invested some of our money so hopefully it will be there when we need it. I am sure my girls will be there for me but not physically taking care of me. Should people need to ask for help, like my friend who really doesn't ask, just whines and people help. Or, should we as friends ask, "Do you need anything".
Personally, I plan on being as independent as possible. Working for a Visiting Nurse Assoc and finding services for my nephew and Mom, I know where the resources are. I want my children to enjoy my later years, not be a burden to them. So, if it means selling my house, knowing when to stop driving, etc, I will do it.
I know every situation is different but I am adamant about not being a burden to my son, ever.
Joann I don't know enough about your personal situation to advise on living arrangements, etc., but I do know you are a very smart and resourceful woman so I can definitely picture you living independently in your senior years. What I mean is independent from your children, not that you won't need help. We all will, it's just a matter of how we plan to get it.
We have been living in my Fave sisters MIL apartment in the interim, since house closed this past Feb 7th, and we will be all in the new house by Tuesday. We are So excited!
It has been a really great situation for us living here with them, for these past couple of months (we pay rent, so good for them too!), I just wish I could take my Sister with me, as sadly she is now in a tough spot, a dysfunctional marital relationship (for Many Years now) and her Lazy, Good for Nothing Husband has just lost his cushy job of 32 years with the Washington state Ferry System, only 3 years from full retirement which would have set them up comfortably for life, he Really screwed up Royally, a total Fu**off! He will still be able to collect his retirement now, but at a much lower percentage, but still too young to collect SS, 3 more years. He Has to get a job, which is difficult at age 59!
It is hard to finally be in this happy place after caregiving for SO MANY YEARS, and now feel So Sad for my sister and her f'd/up situation. She is in a deep dark funk, but I have counseled her many times that she too could do as we have done, sell their home, downsize an buy a Condo or even as we have done, a Manufactured home, be financially stable, and be happy be well.
Her husband is even on board for such a change, it is just that So much is piled up on her/them (he can't handle Anything), that she isn't even sure if she wishes to remain in her 35 year marriage, 2 grown kids and 2 baby grandkids (she babysits for the 16 month old in this home), it's all really weighing her down . I keep telling her that life can be so good, but she cannot see the forest through the trees at this point, as his termination just happened a few days ago.
This sister of mine (I have 2 other financially secure and stable sisters) could even be financially fine and independent on her own once the dust settles, so we will see where this all turns out, plus she knows that we will always be there for her, and will keep encouraging her, tune in as this saga continues!
My dad thought he would just work forever. Sadly, at age 55 he was forced into retirement by Parkinson's disease. OB had asked the folks to re-fi their house and 'invest' in his company. End story, he stole over $200 K from them. YS took another $60 K. Mom and dad had next to nothing but the shock that SS didn't even begin to cover the bills. They had NO investments, no savings, just the house.
YB added on to his home and moved mom & dad in. It was not the best option, but they were so embarrassed and upset. It's been 22 years. Dad passed 15 years ago. Mother is not happy there, and routinely asks one of us other sibs if she can live with us. No, no and no.
DH and I will retire in 2 years, 2 months--my 65th birthday. DH plans to continue to work contract for his current company. We plan to sell our split entry home with its too many stairs!! and single car garage (guess who NEVER gets to park inside!) and sideways-size into a rambler, which we'll put a small apartment in. (basement).College attending grandkids or visiting family will have somewhere private to stay and the grands can have their gaming systems and wide screen TV area down there.
We hope to move closer to 3/5 of our kids--and I don't want them taking care of me, I just want them closer to me. At some point, we may have a caregiver living there, but that's a few years away, I hope.
(Split entries are the WORST kind of house as you age!!! I've really felt it the last year!!)
Preparing for that I am slowly purging and purging and being honest with myself about what I really do and don't want to take with me.
I also have a 69 yo'friend' who made a half hearted attempt to move last year (she has the unfortunate situation of having 3 grandkids to raise and no parent in sight). I have watched her inability really keep her frozen in place and losing more money month after month as she will NOT make a decision. Her situation has terrified me beyond all reason--this could be me.....just unable to make a decision and so many people are involved....I do NOT want to do that to my friends and family.
I have talked many times about what NOT to do, with my sibs. 3/4 of them are settling in to retirement and doing well--but one is going to be broke and will require his kids to help out always. (This is the brother who houses mother--he thinks he's inheriting everything.) 'Everything' is less than $50,000. Even if all the rest of us gave him 'back' what we inherit--$50K wouldn't even make one iota's difference in my life.
I've seen the failure to plan cause more heartache and pain. No thank you. I'm probably over planning, but I am so scared of being dependent on my kids.
We are close to our 3 grandkids, see them all often, attend their sporting events and we hope to be able to continue this for years to come. We are all close, so I expect they will all be here for us in our "old age", but it will never be our intention to force them into a caregiver situation such that we were forced into caring for my FIL in our home for so many years, as many of you were privy to.
They have all been instructed to Please place me into a Nursing home and visit me when they can. We intend on living our lives to the fullest while we still can, and fully expect that the time may come that we cannot care for ourselves or each other we but that we would never want them to become our hands on caregivers, as we all know, it's just too hard and can ruin your life caring for your parents.
It's all about the planning and getting your financial and legal house in order, and we are working on just that. It's a lot of freakin' work, but So necessary!
My Dh thinks I am overplanning all this--but I'd rather have made too many decisions than too few. I want to be independent, like my grandmas were, not a burden in anyway to anyone. I'm doing all I can to make sure that happens--knowing full well even the best of plans can go awry.
It's good for you to research long term insurance. My mother has been paying for it for years and years and years. It turns out it has been worthless in her case. Before the insurance even pays out, she has to pay out of pocket for 90 healthcare visits--and one visit has to equal at least four hours. Where we live, one hour of home healthcare averages $25.00. So each visit would be $100 x 90 visits = $9,000 before the insurance would pay a penny. After that, it will pay up to $150,000.
My mother fell and fractured a bone in her lower lumbar. She was hospitalized and then sent to rehab which was covered by Medicare. Then she came home, and my sister and I are her caregivers pretty much free of charge.
My nephew is a financial planner, and he says long term insurance is not a good investment. His firm won't even sell it to people.