My mother moved in with me in April. She lived with my brother and his wife for 4 months until my brother called and begged me to come get her because she was mean to his wife. Before I brought her to my home she agreed that we would find assisted living for her but she doesn't remember saying that. She's had pneumonia in November and was in ICU for 2 weeks, broke her hip 2 years ago, has scoliosis and now been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I live in a 2 story house. I've given up my bedroom and moved upstairs. She doesn't want to do anything but sit in front of the TV. I am self employed and work long hours from home which bothers her. Evidently my job sucks. She is financially secure and can easily afford assisted living but gets upset when discussion comes up. I'm becoming depressed and want my simple life back but I know I would feel sorry for her if I made her move and feel so guilty. It's difficult to discuss medical issues with her because all the doctors are stupid. She doesn't want to live alone. I have 4 brothers and sisters and mom made sure our life was miserable for everyone growing up so it's not like we had a loving relationship before. My dad did anything to appease her and keep peace. I don't know how much longer I can do this!
Both my parents were placed in Assisted Living back in 2014 after dad fell & broke a hip. They have been perfectly happy living the new lifestyle ever since (dad passed in 2015). Mom is now in the Memory Care portion of the same ALF since she's gone downhill after suffering a stroke in October. They take excellent care of her there and will continue to do so on a daily basis, which gives me comfort and it gives HER comfort as well. She's not having to wake ME up 4x a night to go to the bathroom, she's paying others instead. It's a win-win situation for all of us.
Best of luck!
She needs to move, she agreed whether she remembers or not.
I would flat out tell her that the only reason she was allowed to move in was because of that agreement, now it is time to get busy.
If she throws a fit, use it against her, see I refuse to allow this behavior in my house.
Find 2 places and give her the options, place a or place b. Move her and let her do whatever she wants from there.
She set you up and you are completely within your rights to make her abide to the agreement.
No guilt, you are not her little kid to bully and manipulate. You are a grown up with a life that she is not entitled to hijack.
I would have a family meeting (without mom) with the siblings to see you can garner any support to advance a plan for nursing home assisted living placement. Now reading the comments I can see your sister is already alienated, she has had enough of the narcissist's abuse. Your mom has really damaged your sister beyond redemption, and likely she too far gone for any interest from her, and I don't blame her!. Your mom has proven time after time in the comments section that she will throw a fit to get her way - so she is no longer suitable for a family meeting.
Who holds POA for decision making? I ask this because clearly your mother is not cognitively competent to make good decisions "doctors are idiots" etc... This is a very typical story of a very difficult person making their children's lives a misery. POA's need to be organised and everyone get on the same train for making a decision about your mom. Be clear with your family that you will not care for her any longer. Just be blunt and clear. People love shifting responsibility as long as it's not them having the nervous breakdown. Find out who wants or is POA and decide something without you in the picture.
Then decide a plan. Respite is often a very good way of creating a plan forward. Often a parent will realise they cannot return home when they see how many "slaves" aka nursing home staff are available at their beck and call. Definitely try and do this. You can take a holiday away for a couple of weeks forcing a respite option. Then, get all the paperwork in place for permanent placement.
Good luck!