I just want an assurance (again and again). A person with Dementia is no longer able to agree/ put it into his mind about other people's opinions, if the opinions are not what his brain understands (or if it is not the story that is "happening" in his brain). Is that correct?
And that is what is causing his attitude to be in complete denial and persistence??
It's simply something inside the brain is damaged. And he is living with his own world. His desires/ wills are the only ones he understands.
Is that it?
I just want an assurance in order to be able to accept the situation.
Thank you,
But the tricky part is you never know just what frequency they are on.
Sometimes they accept an explanation. Or so it seems. Only to revert to what appears to us to be the demented thinking.
Sometimes, when the stars align, they are perfectly normal, ie, they follow our train of thought....or pretend to.
I think it might depend on the type of dementia and the advancement or stage as to how true this is.
And of course, the stage is never constant, might be mixed up with other stages. Has it’s own slow waltz to conclusion. So it’s not like a clean break from one to the other. More like tie-dye.
Think of it like a short in an electric light. Works fine, spits and sputters, works fine, goes out, repeat. Slowly it may advance to just spits sputters. Not always.
And then there is the preexisting condition. Intelligence, mood, education, agreeableness or lack there of etc. Some stay the same only more so. Some are completely different.
Or so it seems.
I “ like” some people better in their demented state. Not as argumentative or snarky. Others are hell on wheels.
And of course there is YOUR personality. Maybe it’s not the kindest mixed with their personality. Ever get in an argument with a loved one and hear “well you are the only one who feels that way”.
We do have some people we blend better with than others. Demented or not. The essence of that person is still there.
But, Oreo, it’s never a good use of your time or emotional capital to try to convince someone with dementia of an alternate view from one strongly held or newly presented.
Change the subject, the scenery or appeal to other senses. Move on. Assume their brain can’t comprehend or is stuck. You can’t get “it” across by traditional logic.
In some mental illnesses the more normal person emerges and is “in there”. Sometimes the fact that they seem so normal and then they don’t will throw us. Are they pretending? Are they just a difficult person? It can seem that way. But sadly, it’s probably the broken brain and nothing a good argument can cure. Make peace with it.
Jeanne Gibbs, a frequent poster on this site in the past, said she and her husband referred to his condition as Lewy. He had Lewy bodies dementia. They blamed all her husband’s problems on Lewy and lived their lives as best they could.
If you haven’t done so, google Teepa Snow. Also look her up on this site. She teaches positive methods of dealing with dementia. She has videos that are short and really helpful.
What I’ve written is based on what I’ve experienced. There are many types of dementia and some have more than one type.
So, leading on from your description, if you need to connect with your loved one in order to get him to do something - go to the supper table, get dressed - it helps if you can go into his world and make the activity make sense in that context.
E.g. "Everyone must be out on their break. Let's eat now, then you can meet up with them after lunch."
What sort of opinions and beliefs are you having to work round?
My Mom had her times mostly her Dementia was a steady decline. When she moved in with us she still new people but had her illusions, 20 months later AL and she recognized people as someone she knew, we think, but didn't know me as her daughter, we think, just that person who came everyday. Then decline from there but easy to handle.
But every Dementia is different as is the person suffering from it. You have to kind of go with the flow which I had a hard time doing because as said, the stages are like tie die.