I have stopped contact with my father
what happens when he dies? I don't want to be involved
at this point he doesn't want me over there so I will probably never see him before he dies and that's sits ok with me. He deserves nothing,
what should I do with his body when he dies? I know this is maudlin I am sorry) do I call 911 and what happens after that? I am that clueless
what about a funeral home? What about cleaning out his filthy house? My sister will be here taking over, I am sure (and I hope so).
Who will pay for all that? I sure as hell won't.
I appreciate this place
Since you don’t want to be involved , don’t. You are not obligated to pay a funeral home or to clean out his house .
If sis does take over fine . Do not allow her to pressure you to do anything or to pay for anything .
People without involved family and no prearranged burial plans are buried by the county in potter’s fields.
For your mental health , See a therapist .
Walk away from this situation completely . Don’t worry about the house either . It’s not worth it . It won’t be the first abandoned home .
If he is not on hospice, the coroner will be called and he will determine if an autopsy will be done. His state may have a fund for indigent people. It will pay for cremation only. If he is on Medicaid, they may pay.
My ex died in his chair, drinking beer and watching TV. My name was given as an ex so I got the call from the coroner. He was so bad he though my ex was homeless. His house was awful. It went up for sheriff sale and those who bought it, had to clean it up. He was cremated using insurance money he had.
I won't post here anymore I am being pig headed and not listening to advice so I won't ask for it any more thanks for all who wrote.
I made an appt for therapy
:heart:
As for the filthy house. How is his Will set up? If he hasn't cut you out, the more cleaning and work you and your sister do when it's time to sell his house, the more money it will sell for. So that means more inheritance for the two of you. If he goes into a resodential care facility, don't bother because his asset will go towards his care bill.
I know what it's like to be a trigger for someone. My mother made me her scapegoat and trigger from the time I was a little kid. I see and talk to her a few times a month. If she starts with any her usual nonsense, I visit or the phone call quickly ends. Your father has made you his trigger. So ignore him. You can still help your sister without being directly involved with him.
You have to think of your own mental health. If you've made peace with never seeing him again and are okay with that, good for you. Don't let anyone try to guilt trip you or make you feel bad about it because you're not wrong.
Glad you have taken this step but it's clear you are still "staying involved" in your own mind while you claim to be cutting off contact. It doesn't work having both things true.
See a good cognitive therapist to work through future actions.
Write sis and tell her you are permanently disengaging and want to let her know that you won't be participating in the end days nor in disposal of body. If you are called by hospitals, coroners, other officials tell them you are not involved and refer them to Sister's number. Let her know you'll be doing that, and don't wish to discuss this or argue further.
When you do see the therapist feel free to discuss options with her in moving forward as a child who has disengaged from a parent for your own health. This doesn't HAVE to be a steel clad box. You are free to help Sis in arranging last rights, etc when Dad passes.
This is something you simply are doing now for your own health and well being. It's self caring. When Dad passes he will be gone and done with. The arranging of a funeral or disposal of body is all quite beside the point. It will be over.