I am the caregiver to my father and brother. My brother is a quad and my father has had mobility issues for the last 3 years. 2 years ago I lost my job which resulted in my losing my house. So I had to move back in with my bro and dad a week after I gave birth to my 2nd son. My brother gets 16 hrs of nurse care but I care for him from 3pm-11pm everyday. My father gets nurses care from 8-12 and 3-5 except on the weekends he gets none. Along with my 9 year old and my 1.5 year old I am taking care of 4 ppl. I dont work. Me and my kids share a very small room together and slp in the same bed. I have an older sister and she takes care of the final things but I feel alot of pressure from her bc I dont work. She wants me to work from home I blv the reason is because I can stil do the caregiving for them. I need to make enough money for daycare for 2 kids and to move out. She complains about the fact that we have so much stuff. Which we realy dont but its 3 of us not one. Taking on the fact that a year ago i found out that my bf was cheating on me while I was preg and didnt want to be with me and I havent been involved with no one at all for almost 2 years. I recognize im lonely. but am i depressed? I have gained weight and food is my bff. Im only 30 and I have no life. Even if I get respite then I still have nurses ard me and the kids all day unless we leave the house which really isnt a break or relaxing bc Im on the go. I am thinking about finding a doctor to talk to.
One thing I would add: I would file with whoever aids single Mothers in you area for assistance and let them go after the ex. Easier for you and kids. Let others do the dirty work for you. You/ the kids deserve it! Have a serious, unemotional, matter of fact discussion with your sister after you have made a plan, get a time frame, get financial assistance, figure out how to finish your classes, find someone you trust to help with your children-- why doesn't your sister babysit?!
I think your early years were very tough I you emotionally, but you are very smart. Once you feel more in control, the weight will come off. I don't believe in depriving oneself of anything comforting when you are suffering, just be reasonable. A little bit of something really good is ok. I don't think you are depressed in a clinical way: it is circumstantial. Don't worry about that. I think you could find a free group therapy/ support group for families of disabled. Call local hospital, community center, mental health office, etc. Try not to take any meds-- you don't need them! Take baby for a good fast walk and bring the 9 year old, fruit snacks, water, go to the park and be normal. I believe in you! Awesome woman;) xoxo
Is your sister helping with caregiving? Does your dad and bro have medicaid? Can you call upon a volunteer agency in your county to offer help? What about extended family members? Pray and ask God to help you. He sees the extent of your real burden - and it would be hard for anybody. But taking an anti-depressant is not going to change your circumstance - and you need REAL help.
Where are the fathers to your children??
In the mean time, if you are using food to stay undepressed, particularly ice cream and chocolate, and you don't like the side effects, switch to either non-fat chocolate options like hot cocoa, premixed puddings, chocolate Twizzlers OR do the one piece a day of super good regular dark chocolate instead. I find that plus high-antioxidant fresh fruits keep me perky and less stressed too, and the exercise thing is an awesome mood elevator once you can get over the hump to make yourself do it.
You could also take an online depression questionnaire or two...rule of thumb, if something good happens or you get a chance to do one of your favorite things and you can't enjoy it, if your constant thought are of nothing but failure, hopelessness, "what's the use" and personal guilt and inadequacy even though you are doing a Herculean job and most likely doing it very well; if you waken in the wee hours and can't get back to sleep and appetite is seriously awry; that fact that you have things to be depressed about does not rule out real depression and seeing the doc won't hurt. A little SSRI is sometimes just the thing to break the cycle of feeling bad and then feeling worse about feeling bad. If you find yourself suicidal, thinking of or planning for your death, seeing the doc becomes mandatory rather than just a good idea.
You are facing a very difficult situation. If you had a job outside the house would it pay enough to cover rent and day care and raise 2 children? I hope ex is paying child support.
Not sure what kind of work you have done in the past, or what your skills are.
Would job training / certification help you?
If you work on yourself, you will feel hopeful and shine light on what has become a dreary life. Any sort of training class where you spend a few hours a week away from home to work on bettering yourself can be up lifting.
My personal approach would be to avoid medical labels, they only lead you to take pills that enable you to accept a situation. Change the situation instead. You sound strong. Some people truly need the meds, but that would not be my first resort.
Oh yeah, from one stress eater to another....put down the Twinkie and escape a couple of times a day to your room. Jillian Michaels has great 30 minute "burn". There are tons on exercise videos at the library, a good alternative to detour yourself from the fridge, even if you just do a few minutes.
Be Strong and best of luck to you,
L