For various reasons my 4 siblings and 2 nieces live with me (I'm on disability and have a small pension. I also own a 3 flat). They have no income. My oldest sister takes care of me, but she doesn't want to. And the rest feel the same way, except one sister who just recently became legally blind. I'm single, no kids or friends. All I have is them. I'm tired of being the only one paying bills. The blind sister wont collect her pension (even though she hasn't worked in years) or try to get disability. My oldest sister doesn't want to collect her SS. She is 67. I'm the youngest at 56. My brother has mental issues and can't understand simple instructions and my other sis cooks for me (She doesn't want to). I know I should kick them out, but I wold be all alone. My nieces basically ignore me. My other nieces and nephews won't help either.
I don't ask for much. Just make sure I have my meals, meds and to be bathed. I have a purewick system, so I don't have to be changed (only when I have a BM). Otherwise, I'm on my phone or tablet watching movies, paying bills or sleeping. What can I do? Does it seem like I'm asking for a lot?
Tell the relatives that they will all be paying rent so that you can hire aides 24/7, or at least 18/7, because you need help with all your adls despite your present capabilities. If they don’t, you will have no choice but to sell the house and move to an al community.
There's a term for working without pay for room and board. It's called slavery. Or indentured servitude.
Room and board is not a fair trade for 24/7 caregiving services.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. My problems with my Mom don't seem so bad against what you have as an anecdote here. I can offer you something that will definitely change your situation... and that is prayer. Just because you need company does not mean you should be taken advantage of. Where is the concern and humility in their hearts for you? Im not sure if this is allowed but if it is and If you want you can email me. I will certainly be praying for you so look for a change. There is no situation too hard for God and He is listening and watching all the time. When our family members fall short ... God still cares.
This post is most probably a scam. OP hasn’t explained his unusual abiities, his literacy is high with none of the abbreviations a quad would normally make for simplicity’s sake, and OP hasn’t replied to anything. His behavior as put forward in the question is unintelligent, and out sinc with his language. However we do get trolls, and they get a lot of fun thinking that they are so clever to fool people.
Please stop replying, wasting your time, making some jerk snigger, and bringing the site into disrepute.
That may put things in perspective. If you feel resentment from your sister, it might be that she feels that she is a non-paid servant.
If you feel that what is happening is inequitable, you should call an attorney and set a contract in place.
As a caregiver who is not paid for 24-hour assistance, I see things from the other side but I certainly understand the frustration from your side as well.
It might be beneficial to consider assisted living. You would always have your needs met and there is plenty of company to interact with. Your sisters need to look into their ss asap.
Good luck
https://www.assistedliving.org/assisted-living-options-for-people-with-disabilities/
https://www.ssa.gov/benefits/disability/
Contact ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES in your area and request a welfare check on yourself and a social worker to assist you in a successful self-placement. I'm not sure if you need a nursing home or an Assisted Living facility.
You do need some help. Your siblings have become freeloaders, basically, because you allowed it. It's time to change. If you were not supporting 6 other people, your money could probably pay for someone to come in to handle the things you need to have done. I cannot imaging living at someone's house for free and being vocal about what I don't want to do for the free room and board.
Family meeting: You can't continue to support 6 people. Either each of them takes on enough tasks to run the entire household and your needs (because they choose to remain in your house) or they need to be thinking about another place to live. In the real world, each of them would have to pay rent, clean house, cook meals, tend to daily chores. Just tell them you can no longer afford to take care of people who enjoy your income but don't really want to reciprocate in any way. We all have choices.
I think you may need to look into Skilled Nursing. You are not going to improve. You will have a lot more health problems that you cannot expect your siblings to take care of as time goes on. Sell your flats to help with your care. If you can find a nice place, you may find you will enjoy it. Skilled Nursing has activities, entertainment. People do for you because that is their job, not because they feel they have to to keep a roof over their heads. See if you can find a place with people like you. Maybe where u have ur own room with a Common area.
Its time for your family to fend for themselves. Especially the nieces and nephews that should be old enough to be on their own. Everyone should be collecting what they are entitled to. If blind sister is under 62/65, she should go for SS disability. Brother with mental problems should too. The ones that care for you can give free rent. But the ones that do no care, should be paying something. Nieces and nephews over 18 not going to College need to be paying. And if none like this, then they can find another place to live and you can rent out the flats.
I would not do anything without talking to a lawyer first because you have let this go too long. You should have set up something when they first came to live there.
It would be better to find a person who doesn't have income and needs a place to live AND is more than willing to help out a little for the free room and board. I'm sure there's lots of folks who would accept that deal
Check in the blue government pages of your phone directory if you don't have internet access. if you do, go to a website that list all agencies for help for the disabled. they may be able to point you in the right direction.
Good luck.
Colleen Pell
Tonya, please, I'm dying of curiosity...enlighten me. What EXACTLY about my post is "rotten"?
What would they do if you didn’t exist, they would free fall and should take this time to secure themselves while you cover the bills.
The streets are full of mismanaged folks.
My little sister is a quadriplegic, she has paid help round the clock. Very often my mother takes advantage of that and turns her into an ATM. I am sure you qualify for the government to pay for caregivers to a family member or an outside person.
Most of my sisters friends are her caregivers, I’d talk to your social worker about your situation and ask for some direction.
Its true family of the severely disabled can get burned out, that’s when outside caregivers comes in.
It’s not fun applying for benefits but that’s part of being an adult isn’t it.
Also, I would spend more time making friends in groups even online.
It’s the outside caregivers and friends that will change the dynamics there and you won’t feel like you’re being held hostage.
If you tell them get out, they will laugh and go back to doing whatever they want. A legal notice for eviction will wake them up. You might have to evict one with a sheriff before they wake up.
You have obviously told them before, and they dont listen.
Maybe you can find a lawyer thru disabled services?
Perhaps they don't want to collect their money because they don't
know how. Where to go. What paperwork needs to be filled out. Maybe you could send for the paperwork. Good luck.
Good luck. You have to get tough and keep to it.
All of you seem to be co-dependent upon each other for one reason or another. To kick them out would not be in anyone's best interest, especially yours. My biggest concern is you - you are the youngest & most financially secure - and even though you are handicapped, I urge you to expand your life by getting more involved in other ways - online courses, adult day care groups, and outreach programs for quadriplegics. I wish you the best!
That would be my own advice and what I would do. Only you can make decisions for yourself. I surely wish you the very best.
You are in the driver's seat. You own the dwelling, play the landlord. Everyone has to contribute to society in one way or the other. You need a "facilitator" of some so sought--a social worker, Dept. of Elderly Affairs and/or Elder Attorney.
One day can go into the next and so the years go by. Ask an attorney but utilities should also be in "both" names in case something happens to you, they have a paper trail. Plus paying monthly rent (board) via checkbook shows consistency in paying your bills.
It sounds like some evaluations need to be done. If everyone pulls together you can all benefit. What one lacks another can do. You can be your blind sister's eye.
Call on the troops...physical therapy, occupational therapy, homemaker, cleaning women, Meals on Wheels. Once you get these things in place you will have a "new normal". There is help out there but need to call on the professionals to let you know what is available and show your siblings/nieces how they have to survive once you are gone. Also I think you all deserve a better quality of life than this.
There are day programs with transportation that your sister could attend. They provide lunch, exercise, fresh air. I think you are leaving a lot of $$$ sitting on the table when you call have a better of life so if one passes they ship doesn't sink.
I hope this helps. The fact that you are writing is a step in the right direction.
I will pray for you. There is help available. You don't have to do this alone.