Why do the staff at Dad's nursing home seem so annoyed with me? Is it bad that I'm there so often? Am I doing something I shouldn't be?

As a retired caregiver, I'd like to say something. You're probably not going to like this but a heads up to you.
At my job, there were family members that would come in cheerful and realized that we were always overworked and understaffed. They did not bring in food to make our monitoring of their LO intake a harder job on us. They brought in other fun things.. scarves, cards etc for their loved ones. They did not ring the bell needlessly and then get upset when we didn't arrive when they thought we should. They helped in areas that helped us. You're not the only one with a loved one that needs caring for. Some patients don't have loved ones that visit at all. When we see a loved one come in that doesn't mind helping out, you need to stick to OUR schedule, help us get your loved one to activities and help to socialize them. Don't go in their room and keep them from the outside world. That doesn't help after you leave. You're not there 24/7 and you could very well be disrupting the flow of things. Best is that you talk with staff, ask them how you can help with caregiving while you are there and don't be the type who whine over every little thing because you are paying big bucks to this business to care for your loved one. The business gets thousands of dollars every month from you while they sit behind their gorgeous wooden desk in a cushioned seat pushing pencil taking home thousands of dollars each month plus cush benefits. We as caregivers get a small pittance over min wage if we're lucky with not many benefits. Some of us are on food stamps to feed our family because our jobs don't pay a living wage. It's no wonder there's a shortage of caregivers. We're on our feet 8-16 hrs a day. We have families to. We have LO in facilities as well that we would like to visit. It is common on our day off to get a call asking if we could come in as they're are not enough workers. Sometimes there are rosters that if someone needs to be called in, you could be the next one on the list, any shift. So dont plan on doing anything fun with your family if you know you are next on the list. I haven't been to my family reunion in ages. They are disappointed but understand and i make it a point as they do, to keep in touch by text and email. So please forgive us if we don't have a constant smile, don't feel like chatting you up, don't come running within 5 minutes of your ringing bell just to be told that mum hasn't had her shower yet today. Helping us would be to give her a shower, then report to us what you have done to slacken our load. Guaranteed you'll get a smile and thank you and a friendly disposition. You saved us a few minutes instead of costing us a few minutes. Talk to us if you have a gripe before going to our supervisors. Give us a chance to help clear the air before you try getting us into trouble because supervisor is more than likely helping us with patients and she won't take kindly to hearing your gripe because that takes time away from other patients she is helping with and you'll be known as the complainer and staff will actually hate to see you walk in the door. Doesn't matter how many cookies donuts or flowers you bring. Help us to help you. That's what brings smiles to our faces on the day that i was suppose to do somthing special with my kid who is disappointed because she thinks her mom's patients are more important than her. I'm at the age now, I'm helping my mom who is in LF. I know exactly how to help my mom and to lighten the load for her caregivers. If you want to be known as helpful, all you have to do is smile and ask specifically what you can do to lighten their load, not yours. It makes a huge difference. Last week a caregiver brought me a small African Violet because i volunteered to help in the facility. I'm a widow with grown children now. My kids finally understand why i done what i did back in the day. They also do volunteer work 1 day a week. It takes a village.

I can't see where you're doing anything wrong. My advice would be to request a care conference with the staff and open up the communication in that setting. It could be that the staff is just annoyed in general as opposed to being annoyed with you or your dad personally.

I get the same vibe when I come to visit my mom. I think a lot of workers feel like you're spying on them. And for me, I am. I would do less and less and let them do more and more. When you do too much, they feel like that reflects badly on them. Yes, they are overworked, but...I spent last night scrubbing the bathroom floor because they obviously don't know what a scrub brush and clorox is. I also had to bathe her because she hadn't had a bath in a week and they couldn't figure out how to drop the shower curtain rod down. Then someone came in to give her, her night medications, except wrong person and she doesn't have night meds. Incompetency runs rampant. I want the best care and I'll let them do their job, but oftentimes have to keep an eye out for them. I wouldn't take it personally, but I would ask them for help. I find most of the workers do want to help and do their job, but sometimes they need you to ask for the help. try that with the toenail clipping. As them for help and then do it together. It's a trust issue for them as much as it is for you.

You're asking the wrong people. Ask the people who seem annoyed.

They probably aren't annoyed with you, they're probably tired and overworked and underpaid and with all kinds of issues of their own. It's a mistake to assume that because someone seems grumpy it's the result of anything you've done.

Having said that, I personally consider it part of my job to present as upbeat, positive and cheerful to clients and their families no matter what is going on behind the scenes. If the staff in your father's SNF are dragging about like little thunderclouds and making him - never mind you for the minute - feel uncomfortable about calling for help or taking up their time, that's an issue it's worth raising with their managers.

It's bad or them that you're there so often. Nursing homes don't like proactive family members that spend so much time with their loved ones. They don't like that there's a pair of eyes and ears around all the time and they are forced to be kept on their toes.
Good for you and your father is lucky to have you. I had a similar situation with some of the staff of the first nursing home my father was in. I came right out and asked what their problem was. Then told them that they were getting $10,000 a month for my father to be there and that kind of money deserves some basic courtesy to his family members. It wasn't the aide staff that were annoyed by us. It was the nursing staff and the administration.
Who cares if they're annoyed or not. You have every right to be with your dad as much as you like. He's a paying customer. He isn't there for free, so they really have no right to be "annoyed" with either one of you.

While its nice you visit every day. Are you always asking them if they have done something or ask them misc all the time? Maybe you are just sensitive?. I suspect you have caregiver burnout as well. I don't think it is healthy for you to visit every day. And he won't ever get used to being there alone, what happens if you have surgery or God Forbid something happens to you. I speak with experience from 3 loved ones previously. You need to think about yourself too. Trust me I had to leave my husband in memory care and at first it was horrible for him, he didn't understand why I didn't take him home. The home said to give it a break. I didn't go back for two weeks and now when I visit every other week he is happy and doing more and more of the activities. And my children notice how more at peace I am as I was running on empty.

The one thing I liked about Mom's AL and later NH is I did not have to do do the toileting anymore, showering or dressing. My Mom was paying alot for the AL and I figured it was the CNAs responsibility. I tried to show them I appreciated everything they did. Would bake and take goodies in.

I would wonder how long you visit? Your Dad really needs to socialize and not depend on you too much. He should be relying on the aides as much as possible.

For his toenails the facility should have a podiatrist. Medicare pays every 10 wks to do this. The aides and staff are not allowed to cut nails and toenails. It has to do if not done correctly, like maybe cutting the person, can cause an infection. Those with diabetes should definitely use a podiatrist.

CNAs usually don't do routine cleaning in a NH. There are specific people who do it called Housekeeping.

I must be lucky and ended up with a good place for mom. She has been in a nursing home for dementia/anxiety for the last year and I go and see her for a few hours 5 days a week. The aides there are great to me and we all know each other by name.If I get there and she's doing an activity I just sit beside her and encourage her to participate.It's usually a fun free- for- all with the other residents involved. It's even one of my highlight of the visits.If the aides doing something with her I wait until they are done then start my visit.Usually we just sit together and talk quietly or rather I listen,even though her sentences aren't coherent. I don't feed her snacks or meals because they need to keep track of her food intake and I don't stay for her lunch because she won't eat if I do..As for the aides I try not to step on their toes and let them do what they do in their own time.There are about 25-30 residents in the memory unit and the aides are busy and can't always be there in a timely manner.Even tho I might like it done sooner,she is my mom after all,I leave it to them.This goes for bathroom visits too.When mom says she has to go I will tell them once but it will take a while until they are freed up enough to help her.I remind myself that she is wearing an adult diaper and it will be done when they can.I don't sweat the small stuff in her care for I know the big stuff is taken care of.If I ever think I might step in where I shouldn't I always ask first and they are good enough to be truthful.
Keep spending all the time you want with your dad.These are the precious years.And think of the love and bonding you are sharing with him by doing all the little things for him that some uncaring aide could be doing This is the time for memories with him.For this I could live with aides being annoyed

I'd flat out ask the staff why they seem so annoyed with you? It's your RIGHT to visit with dad whenever you'd like to, but it's THEIR job to see to his care. If all they're doing for him is changing his clothing, then there is something amiss in that NH. So if you find this NH to be substandard in their care of your dad, forcing you to do the care that they should be doing, I'd look into moving him into a better facility.

Good luck!

The staff may feel that he would benefit from more interaction with other residents and with the staff without you being present all the time.